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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Women in non-professional roles and harassment

5 replies

ThatWasNotLove · 26/01/2018 07:56

AIBU to think that the women who are most often on the receiving end of sexual harassment and assault in the workplace, especially by older/richer men are not being talked to? I see mention of them, but unless I've missed it, but I don't see discussions asking women who work(ed) as waitresses, barmaids, cleaners, nannies, flight attendants, secretaries etc. for their experiences.

I do not consider them inferior and have worked in some of these roles myself, but they are often treated that way and thought of like that by men who consider themselves higher up the food chain. And worse, perhaps, is that until this autumn (if that), many women haven't exactly been sticking up for them either.

I used to work in a bar where every single time I went into the floor to collect glasses - if the glassie wasn't there or on a break - I'd have hands on my breasts, up my skirt (had to wear a short skirt to work and mine was an inch above the knees, the longest I could get away with). I couldn't bat them off because I had a tray of glasses in my hands. It was always crowded and dimly lit, so the men knew they couldn't be seen from afar. Half of their kicks came from my obvious discomfort. I was 18. The men were all 40+ politicians.

My boss, owner of the bar, had a daytime meeting with about 15 men. All in suits. I served them coffee in the conference room. Someone asked my name in a friendly way when I came in. I answered. As I served the coffee around the table they discussed my breasts and body giving me marks out of ten. I was 18. They were 40+ and upstanding, married citizens. If you saw them with their wives and kids you'd never imagine them being like that. I needed the job but left when I found another (took a few months). This was 1999.

Not the only things that happened and definitely not the worst as a non-professional around professional men.

While I know not all men behave this way, I also know first hand that being successful, in a good career, married with kids only shows part of someone's life. If you want to know what they're made of, group them together and put them in a room with a young woman on her own who they consider inferior and with no recourse.

Things have changed a bit, but all those men at The Dorchester dinner showed that put in a room with young women they considered inferior, not much has.

OP posts:
TheSnowFairy · 26/01/2018 08:26

Completely agree.

daisychain01 · 26/01/2018 08:33

The fact you "had to" wear a short skirt to work was enough to make me nod in agreement.

ThatWasNotLove · 26/01/2018 15:52

Daisy we were supposed to wear heels too! I don't think I did, but I can't remember!

OP posts:
HollyBayTree · 26/01/2018 16:04

You would have made a fair amount in tips at the Dorchester (I know), were aggrived enough to refuse them?

angularmerkel · 26/01/2018 17:13

I've told this story on here before OP but I used to work in a Management Consultancy (large, high profile, name you'd recognise) in the late 80's. Part of the intro to the company was a training course culminating in a meal out with the consultants. So you had office staff (female generally) mixing with the managers and consultants (invariably male).

I can't put it any other way than to say that the management expected to go home with one of the girls on the course. Sadly many of the girls in my group did exactly that.

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