To ask if this is normal behaviour for a child?

[SundaySalon]

My DS4 goes to nursery 3 times a week, his teacher has recently started commenting on his ‘lack of empathy’ towards others. She genuinely doesn’t think that he can recognise if he has hurt another child. He was recently playing with another little boy and he leant down onto him with all of his weight (used him as leverage to stand up IYSWIM) the little boy was crying for him to stop but my DS didn’t even falter, the teacher came over and picked him up and asked if he could see that he had hurt XX my DS said ‘he’s crying, I don’t understand why’ and then just stares into space. This is just one example of about six since he started in September.

I am at a bit of a loss, we discipline him when he’s naughty but if I am honest I can see what she means, he completely disengages. Not just with discipline though, it’s every time he needs to pay attention, playing games, watching TV, reading a story, drawing, writing. It’s hard to explain but it’s as if his brain just switches off and he’s just staring through you. Over the past year I have noticed quirks with him but always assumed it was his personality, he often gets so overwhelmed with something (Christmas for example) he takes himself out of the room saying he doesn’t like it. Or most recently he’s started getting these compulsions to do certain things before he can sleep, eat, brush his teeth or have a bath. He’s our only child and we don’t have any other children in the family so I genuinely thought it was nothing (and still kind of do) but I was hoping that the vast experiences of mumsnet might advise me on whether this is something I need to take further?

Maybe voice your concerns with a health visitor. It could be something or nothing and a professional opinion would help in any case.

Yeah I think I will book an appointment. Wasn’t sure if this was a GP issue or not. Thank you.

My autistic cousin was like that as a child.

Could be normal behaviour, could be signs of something else. Have nursery suggested how they want to proceed? My advice would be to engage in any assessments or referrals nursery suggest - if it's within the vast spectrum of normal then this will be seen in any assessments and you'll know. If there is an additional need, then he will be able to access any support he needs quicker if he's already "in the system". Try not to worry (ha! Easy for me to say, right?!) and talk to nursery about their suggestions.

I think the concerns should be investigated further. It could be nothing but it could be something.
Maybe have a meeting with nursery and ask them to list their concerns. You should also make a note of any quirks or unusual behaviours. Then go to your GP and ask for a referral to a developmental paediatrician.
My youngest has autism and he had quirky behaviours from a baby onwards.
It could be nothing but if nursery are picking up on behaviours i would ask them to keep a log.

Take all written concerns to GP for them to have a copy

The staring through you and lack of empathy can be signs of autism however it could also be that hes still developing those parts. Best advice is keep an eye on these specfic events as examples and seek gp or health visitor for advice.

Thank you all, the nursery have said they are noting the behaviours and the SENCO teacher is often in there anyway playing with them all. I asked if there was anything I can do to encourage him to recognise others feelings but she said she was doing that her end and just keep role playing with him (which is difficult when he won’t engage).

I will log all the behaviours and book an appointment at the GP see if they can help with it all.

My ds is like this, he has global developmental delay, and they suspect autism
He will quite happily lay sit and pull his sister about even when she's screaming at him yet he doesn't notice at all, he will yank full handfuls of hair, climb all over you using elbows and knees and not notice it hurts even if you tell him

I don't think it's normal behaviour at 4.I worked in a preschool for years and only met one child like that the entire time, we insisted the mum meet with LA inclusion coordinator to see if she could offer any referrals or support.

Queen Yes this sounds very much like my DS, thankfully there has only been one serious incident in school so far, but the little boy was quite hurt and it left a mark. When I talk to DS about it though I can see that the understanding isn’t there.

I will talk to school about referrals too. They are brilliant at getting things done quickly.

Yep, there's no understanding at all, you can move him, tell him it hurts, physically stop him, and he'll just do it again and again
He actually tried to sit on his sister's head today because she was in the way, there's no awareness of surroundings or people's feelings if he wants something