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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Father in-law

10 replies

mummmyj · 25/01/2018 16:35

So.... this is slightly long but here it goes, my DH is Romanian and has lived over here for more than 10 years and we got together 3 years ago and now we have a baby who is at this point 12 weeks old. Last year his mum passed away and that left his dad alone over in Romania, now we invited him over for Christmas as thought it would be lovely to have him here and it would be less lonely for him, my DH sister also came over from Holland and stayed 2 weeks, she went home and he is staying until the 31st Jan, which makes it 6 weeks. He is the most lazy and rude man I have ever known, he doesn't speak English so waits to slag me off when my DH gets home he pays nothing towards anything in the home we have spent around £600 extra since he got here and we only on my DH wage and abit extra for maternity pay is is so bad to think he should be contributing something considering he sees his son Work 60 hour weeks. I do all the cooking, cleaning, tidying etc and looking after littlen while he sits on the couch on his phone!!! My DH has had enough too as he doesn't like how I am being treated and how he treats our home and my son who he is also rude to, want to ask my DH to ask him for some money before he goes home??

OP posts:
Ihatemarmite123 · 25/01/2018 16:39

If you invited him over to stay and didn't ask for money when you invited him it would be unreasonable to ask now.

However he sounds awful, just be glad you don't have to put up with him for much longer!

CoraPirbright · 25/01/2018 16:39

Can his flights be changed? What is he saying about you? (I presume your dh is translating). He sounds awful - does your dh say this is normal behaviour from him?

milliemolliemou · 25/01/2018 17:20

Sounds like hell. However he may not have much money at all - why do you think so many people like your OH came over from Rumania to work here? so probably no point in asking him.

You only have six more days to go. You could try asking him to help you with the washing up or hoovering but if he's old school Rumanian and neither gracious nor well educated I suspect he thinks it's entirely women's work even if he has been a lazy so and so for six weeks.

Have you enjoyed anything about his company? has your OH? If no, then your father in law has burnt his boats, really.

Raffles1981 · 25/01/2018 17:55

If you invited him over to stay and didn't ask for money when you invited him it would be unreasonable to ask now

^^
This.

I would put this down to experience and maybe next time (if there is a next time) mention he needs to give some money towards his stay. I wonder if he should be given the benefit of the doubt, as his wife has just died, but at the same time, I wonder if this is just how he is.

mummmyj · 25/01/2018 19:33

I really did not think I would have to ask, his sister was lovely and everyday she was down the shop buying things and helping out, he must see that we struggle to pay for everything. He has not even bought anything for DD and that's his granddaughter!! He sees my doing housework etc all the time and does not even offer to help, I do believe this is how he is from what I've heard from my DH, he has completely burned his bridges with me as I have had enough and believe me 6 days is too long!! Thanks for the replies ladies and any gents always good to get some advice and hand holding xx

OP posts:
mummmyj · 25/01/2018 19:37

An we did not even pick his flight back he done it on the sly!! An then told us!! I think he really believes it is all a woman's work and it makes me want to smack him with the hoover!!!
I believe he does have money as he is had all his dentistry done before he came which does not come cheap I know and really if he did not have the money to come over then he should have said he must have realised we could not afford another person with a newborn baby and he told my DH before he came that he was coming to help, this is a Romanian custom to help with everything when there
Is a new baby in the family.

OP posts:
mummmyj · 25/01/2018 19:38

Sorry.. he is saying things like he wasn't made lunch when my DH was at work and I should be in the kitchen making bloody soups to save money and god knows what else!!

OP posts:
NewYearNewMe18 · 25/01/2018 19:43

You'll find that medical treatment abroad, buy our economic standards is very cheap. Romania actually has a good reputation for dentistry and plastic surgery and some NHS trusts outsource to ex-Eastern Bloc countries.

www.treatmentabroad.com/cosmetic-dentistry-abroad/Romania

Back to the thread, no you cant ask a guest to contribute to their stay with you. Your DH however can speak frankly to his father about how he expects his wife to be treated - ie with respect.

Dolwar · 25/01/2018 19:44

I very much doubt that he comes from a generation/ culture where men do housework

Gemini69 · 25/01/2018 19:56

Wave him a very generous goodbye.... and don't invite him again... Flowers

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