AIBU to want ds to stay in his nursery class a bit longer?

[LoopyLou1981]

I’ve got a feeling I’m just being an over emotional mess about that whole so hopefully someone can make me feel better about it!
DS is nearly 2.5 and I’ve had a letter from nursery to say that he’ll be having settling sessions over the next couple of weeks to move him up to the next class.
The thing is he’s small for his age and way behind the others with his speech. Plus he’s quite timid and he’s only just started finding some confidence in the room he’s in.
The next room up goes up to 3.5 years and I’m worried that he’ll be so much smaller than the others that he’ll lose his confidence.
AIBU to ask whether he can hold back for a bit at least until his speech is a bit better so he can say if he’s scared?
I’m sure I’m being a soppy Mum! 😢

Raise it with them and see what they think?
Are you paying? Often the younger fees are higher due to the ratio of staff to children.

It’s worth talking to them but actually his speech might improve more quickly being around children who are speaking much more

Yes we pay for him but he’s already on the lower payment band because of his age so can’t even use that as an incentive!x

No harm in chatting to them about your concerns. You could see how he gets on with the settling sessions? Ask what age the other kids are? Will he be the youngest?

Fair point on it possibly helping his speech. I will speak to them though. They’re all lovely there so hopefully they can reassure me.
It wasn’t me that picked him up tonight my OH did and he’s not the best at delivering news gently! 😂

Could you also ask around other parents, the nursery may have a pressure to move a child up but another parent (of a slighlty) younger child may feel their child is ready to move.

I remember really, really not wanting our girl to move to the next room. It always turned out to be the best thing for her!

YABU. The age group he is placed in is really small. They are only up to 3.5 years in age, and he will be over 2.5 when he joins. So I guess 9 months gap. A good nursery will recognise each child as an individual.

As for being small for his age. How small is he? DD2 is following the 2nd centile and has dropped down to the bottom centile before. (She has been referred to see a paediatrician for her size). She is over 3 and wearing 18-24 months clothes. She didn’t see herself as much smaller than other children even though she really is. 2nd centile means she is the 2nd shortest in 100 girls!

For speech, have you asked about his delays and a referral? DC1 was referred when she was around 3 for speech therapy. She had sessions with the speech therapist at preschool and continue onto year R. Holding him back with younger children who has less speech won’t help.

My DS didn't talk until he was 2, and his nursery decided to keep him back a few months to give his speech a chance to improve before they moved him up. It did improve a bit, however when they did move him his speech improved significantly! I think being around the older / more verbal children made a big difference for him.

My advice, talk to the nursery about your concerns, and see if you can agree a way forward you're both happy with. They will have experience with children like your DS and will be able to reassure you.
Maybe have 1 trial visit to the next room and see how your DS gets on. If he loves it then move, if not maybe he's not quite ready and another month or 2 where he is might be all he needs.

Best wishes

As pp suggested, a trial might be a good idea. Have a word with them and see what they say.

My DD is behind developmentally (awaiting assessment for autism) and I was really worried about her moving up to the bigger class. However, since September her speech and social skills have really come on leaps and bounds. He might surprise you!

Good luck

Usually mine moved room with 2/3 friends. Ds2 was distinctly unimpressed with his move into the nursery room when they tried it so they just continued with weekly 1 hour sessions in the new room until he got used to it

Mine always went through massive developmental leaps when they went into a new room and your DS may do the same.
What time of year is his birthday? If he is a July/August then he has to progress through the nursery rooms faster as he will be there for less time overall (a September born who starts nursery at 12mths will be there for around 47 months; an August born will only be there for around 37 months) and they will need him in the oldest class at nursery in sufficient time to learn all of the starting school skills that they teach - not so much letters & numbers as lining up, circle time, hanging up your coat, putting on your coat, getting changed into PE kit etc

Thanks everyone. I’ll give them a call this morning for a chat. I feel a bit less emotional about it this morning so maybe tiredness was making it feel worse last night!
And yes, he’s an august baby so I guess they really are trying to rush him through xx

I was going to ask if he was summer-born as well. My summer-born DC suddenly leapfrogged an entire room when the nursery realised that he only had a year left and should be in the pre-school class with his peers and not with the children he'd been with up until then.