To Feel Jealous?

[Beebopalooba]

I’ve NC’d as some of my other threads on here are identifying and I don’t want this brain dump to link back to me irl. I’ve been here since 2014

DH and I have been together for 10 years, married 3 months. I’m 27, he’s 29. We’ve been talking about having children for about 2 years and it’s always been ‘after the wedding we’ll start trying’. There’s a couple of reasons this didn’t happen:

1. We had a close family bereavement just after the wedding on DH’s side which really knocked him sideways. We spoke about children a little while after that (he brought it up) and absolutely I agreed we needed to wait until he was feeling better.

1. I started a new job at the beginning of this month, more money but also a longer commute and a big step up career-wise, so I felt I wanted to get settled for a year or so before we started trying.

1. We have a 2 bedroom end terrace house that’s cluttered with so much bloody stuff and feels cramped with 2 of us and 2 dogs in it despite it being a decent size. Plan is to sell it and get something bigger now my wage is better then have kids in the bigger house.

The plan is for DH to be a SAHP until the children get to school age and I’ll have to go back to work 6 months after birth as we can’t afford to lose my wage. Both DH and I are happy with this plan.

All seems fine, except every time someone announces they are pregnant on Facebook I cannot get hold of my jealousy and anger and there’s even an insane element of resentment towards DH for our joint lack of recklessness. I hate myself and him for not throwing caution to the wind and just ‘accidentally’ getting pregnant, or for us waiting and waiting and waiting until we have the perfect set up before we have kids. Loads of our friends and family have had children in circumstances less adapted than ours and they are doing really well, so it makes me resent the fact we can’t have a baby yet

I know IABU, how do I get passed it?

I’ve even started stating publically when the subject is broached (we’re newly weds so it comes up a lot) that I don’t want kids because I don’t want people to feel the pain the question of ‘when are you having kids’ causes for me. I don’t want DH to see either because this isn’t his fault despite my resentment.

Help

"I know im bring unreasonable."

No you're not. It's natural understandable envy. The need not even want for a baby is the strongest one there is. Of course you're upset when you see happy announcements on Facebook.

I really think you do need to speak to your dh about this.
It's all very well waiting for a perfect time to have a child, but You'll be waiting forever as there's never a perfect time.

There really is never a right time. But your not being unreasonable, your doing what's right for both of you. I'm sure you'll time will soon come :)

I'm right where you are OP and it's bloody hard.