To not want to move there....

[MovinOn]

(name changed as dh knows my old username)

We have discussed for a few years about moving away, we discussed it, did lots of research, checked there are jobs in the area, etc..... and agreed on a certain area.

Mil lives abroad. (there is a back story....long story short she never asks about our dc, came to our wedding and coo-ed over sil's dc and barely said 2 words to mine, basically a pain in the neck who favourites sil's dc to ours. She also hates my family even though they have only met once, she thinks my mum interferes yet she really doesn't.)

Anyway MIL mentioned to dh about house prices near her being quite low. DH thinks its great how they're so low and now keeps suggesting we move there instead. I said NO, I want to move to where we have been talking about for the past few years, Plus I dont want the whole having to change EVERYTHING, different currency, different education system, qualifications I have won't be accepted there, no NHS, fixed rate mortgage couldn't be moved to a house abroad so would have to pay an early payment fee....etc

And because I really think even if we lived closer she wouldnt give 2 figs about my dc. (prior to moving abroad she lived 2 hrs away and never visited, she would come to within 10 min drive of us to visit other people or to go watch rugby and still not come visit, yet would fly abroad to visit sil)...my dc will always be 2nd best to sil's dc so why move closer to all that and have my dc see this!

I've told dh this, yet all he sees is the house prices....and keeps saying to her "well Mrs movin doesnt want to move there so...."

WHY does he keep going back to saying he would but I've stopped it....I've even told him if he wants to move there so much then he can but me and the dc wont be going.

AIBU to say no for the reasons above?
and to be annoyed that dh keeps going on about how it's my fault we won't be moving closer to her.

I would be very annoyed. Wherever it is you decide to move, you BOTH have to be in agreement. Moving close to your MIL sounds like a HUGE mistake, and I don't care if they're giving houses away there. Stay the hell away from that viper's nest. Tell your husband to forget about it.

I would say no for all of those reasons, so I would say that you are definitely not being unreasonable.

It sounds lime your DH has tunnel vision focusing only on the house prices. He doesn't see that it really isn't everything.

My DH can occasionally do this sort of thing, although hasn't recently (touch wood) and has also been told that he can go without the rest of us. It is usually effective.

I'd try to not make it all about mil and not get into rows over her. A simple "No I only want to move to the areas we agreed, no where else." Repeat as often as necessary. He'll get the message eventually.
There's no point moving somewhere cheaper if you don't want to be there.

Thanks.

I said to dh its like she wants to get one up on my mum....she seems to think my mum has a finger in everything we do, however we barely see my mum either as she works full time 12 hr shifts 5 days a week and she has other children, and gc to visit. That she'll have "won" in some way. A lot of her convos are "I bet movin's mum isn't happy at that" "you cant not move here because movin's mum won't want her to" I dont know where she gets this idea that I'm reliant on my mum to live.

She went through a stage of trying to stop us having contact with sil.... she would complain (send texts/emails) about how we should post bday cards/pressies to her to pass on, how we should tell her what we are planning on buying as presents BEFORE we buy it, she would bad mouth sil to me and then tell sil I said it, she told sil that I told people she was pregnant, that I didn't agree with how she brought up her dc....

ifcatscouldtalk the reasons above are main reasons for me not wanting to move there, MIL is an extra "con" on top. I havent been focussing on the mil problem when telling dh I dont want to move there, it has been the other reasons.... and lately just "we've discussed this and I dont want to move there" end of convo.

He is using you as an excuse to his DM so she doesn't get the hump with him. Me, I wouldn't mind being the scapegoat in this situation but I'd be careful to remind DH gently in the background that we both decided to move to X and if he wants to use me as an excuse for not moving to Y then that's fine by me if it is the only way for him to get his mum to accept our decision.