At what point do I give up on access with ex and the kids.

[ContactlessMartha]

NC.
I have two children one age 15 just and one who has left school so not relevant to the older one.
I left ex 12 years ago.

Initially ex came regularly and we met half way, he didn't pay maintenance and I didn't ask for any as I preferred he used it for train fare to see them. However as time went by he started cancelling and saying he was too poor to come while posting on social media about nights out and things he had bought. Or turn up with no money for a day with them let me pay for everything and then buy some ridiculous expensive thing for himself as he was leaving.

He has never paid any money, he stop paying Christmas and birthday money into their accounts years ago. He has twice got a very high amount of money and refused any for the kids uniform and clothes.

He would also turn up and get the kids to pick out what he was going to buy for them then not live up to his promises. He would promise to send things for their birthdays and then not come.

The children haven't seen him at all since 2008 ish when he got a girlfriend and stopped coming. He's made up lies to all his relatives and friends about me which i am not really fussed about but he has convinced himself that much that he believes it is true. But still I went out of my way to aid contact paying for the cinema or activity so the kids could see him.

Towards the end he was dragging us out on a bus and train to meet half way and then stopping for half an hour then leaving. Then it stopped altogether.

I set up various ways to contact the kids which would be free but he didn't use them. We wouldn't hear for 9 months then suddenly we would get a text demanding from him.

When we moved the children didn't want to give him our address (one had made a disclosure about him at school), he would suddenly pop up and contact them and demand their school and address from them, not for him but for his brother and uncle (who the kids have never met and one of whom ex accused of bad things previously) who lives closer to us.

So basically we are now in a situation where he is popping up every 9 months to a year and throwing a strop it the kids don't reply instantly when he does and where neither kid wants anything to do with him. I told him I would never stop him seeing the kids and he came out with a comment about how did I think I would ever stop him as he would deal with me.

So my question is if the kids stopped replying to him now and just cut contact would a court consider bringing a case to court when the youngest is 15?

I'm a bit confused - you say they haven't seen him at all since 2008 but you still give them money so they could have days out with him?? I'm not sure about the court order or the legal side of it but I think 15 is old enough to make a decision. Especially if he hasn't seen them for a decade

Sorry badly written. I meant when he first got a new girlfriend and contact started to get less and less and went from him coming every fortnight to monthly and then three monthly and he was making up lies about me to his new girlfriend etc I was still waiting for paying money so he would come and see them.

*still paying money so he would come and see them. Not waiting!

If the youngest is 15 and doesn't want contact with him then I wouldn't worry about anything else but the choice of your DC.

He's unlikely to bring it to court, even if he threatens you with it. But at 15 a court will listen because you can't just throw a teenager over your shoulders and make them go.

What a flake he is. You sound like you have gone above and beyond to ensure your kids had the opportunity for a relationship with their dad, kudos to you.

I'd be listening to them now. And perhaps point out to them that you don't want to be in any way obstructive, that the choice is entirely theirs (whenever he pops up) now they are both old enough, and they (well, the 15 year old really) has your full backing either way.

Doubt he'll go to court and there wouldn't be much a court could do at the age of 15.

Just ignore him and stay away he doesn't sound like a dad worth having TBH kids better off without him, waste of skin!

I would just ignore him . I had similar with my ex. My dd 13 hasn't seen her dad since 2014 when he threw a tantrum at Xmas and said she was just like me! Like you, he only saw her when it suited him, never had any money etc etc. He's never paid a penny towards her. He took me to court when she was 3 (We split when she was 1 due to dv) for access (cf) but never kept to the order.
He can threaten all he likes. She doesn't want to see him so he can jog on.

You have nothing to worry about.