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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my students I'm pregnant

55 replies

user1499031722 · 24/01/2018 14:31

I got a real telling off by my headteacher today (I'm a teacher in case that isn't obvious!) for telling my students (I teach 6th form only) I am pregnant.

I had already told the HT and there for the school. I think it's outrageous that she should claim she now has lots of issues to deal with ie has to immediately advertise my role and broadcast it to all staff at the next staff meeting. All I could muster to say was I'm sorry and didn't realise I'd breached professional boundaries. But really I feel this is most unreasonable and ridiculous!

AIBU?

OP posts:
peachgreen · 24/01/2018 15:28

I mean discussing telling them with your manager - sorry, I wasn't clear.

I'm afraid students very much are comparable with customers these days - from a parents' perspective at least. Not saying it's right but it is the way it is.

Like I say, I don't think it's the crime of the century but I can understand why she's a bit put out.

Congratulations on the pregnancy!

APlaceAtTheBSDTable · 24/01/2018 15:30

Since you say she is very supportive then I would accept that your decision to tell students has caused her problems.
Did you tell your department before you told your students?

Steeley113 · 24/01/2018 15:33

How bizarre. I’m not a teacher but we had a notice on the School app telling us one of our teachers is pregnant and congratulating her. She’s due 4 weeks after me so would only have been 13/14 weeks when it was announced.

BadPolicy · 24/01/2018 15:34

the HT will potentially have parents asking questions and won't be able to answer them, so will feel wrong-footed and feel incompetent

I think this is probably the root of her annoyance, she doesn't feel she's had long enough to get herself sorted & will now be asked questions that she doesn't have an answer to. Annoying for her, but no real reason to tell you off.

KickAssAngel · 24/01/2018 15:36

I'm a teacher and I don't see a problem at all. When I was pregnant I was off sick for a few days, and my very first class back someone shouted out "are you up the duff or what?"
I wasn't really obviously pregnant, but my clothes were tight and they just worked it out. Why would it be up to your boss to decide when you're ready to tell people? Totally your call.

And if she can't deal with an email or two asking about cover etc (which she'll get anyway, no matter when you talk about it) then she shouldn't be a head teacher.

Original poster
user1499031722 · 24/01/2018 15:39

i see what you mean but I think that's something that is to context based to draw a comparison on. I felt they would already know so my telling them was coming from point of view of reassuring them they wouldn't have a change of teacher. Head had plenty of opportunity to discuss how and when to tell them but never raised it.

OP posts:
PiffleandWiffle · 24/01/2018 15:40

Like I say, I don't think it's the crime of the century but I can understand why she's a bit put out

But she'd already been told before the students were....

Justanotherzombie · 24/01/2018 15:41

I don't think it's appropriate to tell your students, especially without clearing it with your boss. She may now have to deal with questions from parents she can't answer yet. Making her look disorganised etc.

Justanotherzombie · 24/01/2018 15:42

It's not telling 'people'. It's telling students in a workplace setting where there are implications of her taking leave.

PiffleandWiffle · 24/01/2018 15:44

So how much notice does a HT require before people ^can& tell their students?

If you've got a really crap HT you may not be able to tell them until your waters break & their trainers get wet......

Original poster
user1499031722 · 24/01/2018 15:48

Justanotherzombie I don't think that is my problem. It is part of being a headteacher as someone said above. theres also no way she'll have the answers for a considerable time by which point it would be blatantly obvious I am pregnant and a job advert will have gone out. I also feel that if I am self conscious about my bump and people asking is she pregnant (or just fat?!) then it is my pregorative to confirm the truth. students aren't exactly subtle when they whisper to each other.

OP posts:
TheBananaStand2 · 24/01/2018 15:50

You haven't done anything wrong, and it's unprofessional that the HT responded in this way. What nonsense to say she's right to bawl out the OP, in a 'professional setting,' whatever that is. Eyeroll. As for the HT fielding questions from parents, it's simple enough, isn't it? 'We're in the process of arranging suitable cover and will ensure your children's learning and progress aren't disrupted by the transition.' Women are allowed to go on maternity leave, and we have surprisingly good employment laws to protect our rights in this regard. We shouldn't be made to feel guilty about doing it, or negative about announcing our pregnancies. I'm sorry to see some rather unsisterly and unsupportive comments here.

APlaceAtTheBSDTable · 24/01/2018 15:52

It makes the school look poor at communication if other staff are finding out information from students instead of from staff channels.

AmUsername · 24/01/2018 15:55

Sorry to those who sided with the HT but I can assure you that she is in the wrong. It's your news to tell whenever and to whoever you like. Your HT bawling you out is actually discriminatory behaviour as you have protected characteristics.
I'd make a note if it and keep an eye out for anything else. If you feel uncomfortable in any way, contact your union. The education sector is well known for sex discrimination during pregnancy.

Thanks for you and congratulations

WaggyMama · 24/01/2018 15:55

16 weeks is still early and you were a little unprofessional to tell your students. Whilst it is exciting news for you it isn't for everyone.

I know my DD would be unsettled to hear this news. 6th formers' only get two years teaching and for you to leave half way through may cause some worry, uncertainty and disruption . Students will rightly ask who is taking over, could it be an existing member of staff or a temp? will their time table change etc

It doesn't matter if the students did start whispering, you should remained professional.

Re the HT, have you just returned from a previous mat leave? Have they just let staff go? Are there other members on mat leave?

TheHolidayArmadillo · 24/01/2018 15:56

It makes the school look poor at communication if other staff are finding out information from students instead of from staff channels.

But if the HT knows and the OP is her department head, surely that's all the people who need to know, unless she works closely in conjunction with another department? It would bear no relevance at all to a French teacher that a random PE teacher was pregnant, if they didn't chat to each other normally.

PricillaQueenOfTheDesert · 24/01/2018 15:57

This reply has been deleted

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Clueless1315 · 24/01/2018 15:57

My headteacher made me keep my pregnancy secret till I was 7 months. I lived in baggy clothes as she wanted to have another teacher lined up before telling the parents. She was really lucky as my bump didn't show and clever dressing concealed it quite well. But it was a nuisance to keep quiet so long. And then finally when she found a replacement she told all the staff in a meeting in an off hand way, she was asking for a volunteer for a certain curriculum area and she dismissed it by saying, you can't possibly do it cupcake you're pregnant. Mind you I still ended up doing it. But she had form for stealing other people's thunder.

Spikeyball · 24/01/2018 16:01

One of my yr 11's asked me if I was when I was 18 weeks and then said the girls had been discussing whether I was, for a couple of weeks.

AmUsername · 24/01/2018 16:01

Clueless that is exactly the illegal crap I was talking about!! Awful blatant discriminatory behaviour!

Original poster
user1499031722 · 24/01/2018 16:05

WaggyMama of all the comments, I find yours a bit worrying and very telling of current culture in schools that places students above all other humans as if we are not people deserving the right to personal choice and dignity. I think I have every right to not feel uncomfortable for several hours a week in my place of work for weeks on end! Yes the students may have worries but those worries would be there at any stage and it is simply not possible to get a plan in place before telling them. In addition, my telling them reassured them that I would see out the year whereas not telling them would mean they know secretly (due to obvious bump) but be in the dark about when I was due to leave. Doesn't make sense.

16 weeks being early is a matter of opinion. There's no rule that states it's too early.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1499031722 · 24/01/2018 16:07

Clueless that is disgraceful of your head! Sorry you experienced what I would call bullying during your pregnancy. You have enough to worry about without having to plan outfits to conceal a 7 month bump and trying to hide your news.

OP posts:
UrgentScurryfunge · 24/01/2018 16:13

My students knew with my first pregnancy as I can't even hide a lunch without a pregnancy rumour. I was in maternity clothes from 8 weeks and pregnant looking enough to have been offered a tube seat at 18 weeks on a visit to London. I remember a TA twigging at 14 weeks... I'd only started the temporary position a month earlier (as I'd fainted mid-lesson in my previous casual supply post) so within a month she'd noticed enough physical change to guess.

In a situation like that it would be more unprofessional to tell a blatent lie that everyone can see through.

You're not obliged to tell your employer with urgency but you're not covered for additional maternity protrction such as MW appointments. Depending on the time of year there may be no rush to organise maternity cover and pregnancy can be obvious long before that.

WaggyMama · 24/01/2018 16:29

User No one is asking you to be uncomfortable and you certainly shouldn't be.

No one knows what else the HT is dealing with so it's hard to say she is unprofessional and disorganised. Perhaps she should have asked you to wait, but you could have also asked if she minded you telling your students too. What would you have done if she had asked you to to say anything for a few weeks?

What if you have to take sick leave or early mat leave? What about all the adjustments she will have to consider? She needs to consider if you will return to work afterwards, or will you ask to reduce your hours?

Years ago we had a TA who went on maternity leave and came back pregnant TWICE more. Then she left as she had no childcare. Legal but a joke.

Anyway User, congratulation and I wish you all the best.

Clueless1315 · 24/01/2018 16:37

I was a young teacher then nearing the end of my NQT year, so I would have went along with anything really. Thinking back on it, it was wrong on so many levels. She was lucky I was able to dress in winter attire or I don't have any idea how she would have expected me to hide it then.

It's sad that so many head teachers like this are around. Making us feel like our pregnancies are a big inconvenience. Don't get me wrong the parents at that school were super fussy, but I was teaching nursery (preschool) for heavens sake.

I remember the children and parents surprise when I finally wore a dress that showed my belly. They couldn't believe I was so far along and had hidden it for so long.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, it's a happy occasion. She's stressing about the parents and staffing but that's her responsibility. But a telling off was out of line completely. Very inappropriate of her.