Communication over divorce

[Boxingdaydisappoints]

Does anyone have any experience of a DP who refuses to communicate about certain subjects?

DP is going through a lengthy and fairly messy divorce and it's been going on for years but it's almost done and he's almost at the applying for decree Absolute stage. He knows I'm quite anxious and quite honestly getting a bit obsessed about it all. My divorce started and finished in a much shorter timescale but in similar circumstances.

He has been clamming up on the subject and now gets really angry if I mention it. I've had to go NC on the subject to preserve the peace otherwise he gets really angry and shouty and starts throwing things around.

AIBU to think this is a bit weird?

Are you sure it's definitely reached the final stages?

Yes, last time he managed to speak about it he showed me an email from his solicitor.

gets really angry and shouty and starts throwing things around.

That's not an okay way to behave with anybody, least of all your partner. Do you want to be with this? It won't always just be the divorce, he just likes being abusive.

I don’t think there’s any need to be shouty and throwing things, divorce or otherwise

Why do you keep barracking him until he stresses out and gets upset?

Good question! He's getting increasingly difficult to talk to about anything at all. He's quite selfish and high maintenance. I'm wishing my own "fuck off fund@ was a bit fuller.

Newyearnewme - who said I was barracking him?

Your comment about being obsessed by his divorce. The fact he doesn't want to talk about it and you keep bring it up.

Newyearnewme - it's not barracking - I'd just like an update every now and then without raised voices and angry confrontation.

Well as you aren’t married to him now would be a good time to get away from him.

Indeed it would Crispbutty! It's fate really, he was lovely and kind but seems to have altered over the last 12 months to be super grumpy and unpleasant unless he's getting his own way. I'll keep saving for the future.

@Afterthestorm I guess as he's a soon to be ex things didn't get better? Did they escalate? That's my worry that throwing a cushion or a towel will become a chair or something heavy.

That's why he's getting Divorced I would imagine! A possible narc who having done the whole making you think they were the perfect person for you when you first met now thinks he's got you in a position where you'll accept his increasingly shitty behaviour.

Why do you keep barracking him until he stresses out and gets upset?

That sounds a teeny little bit like victim blaming. Even if he does feel annoyed by OP asking, how does that justify him shouting and throwing things?

OP, this is a very bad sign. It took me years to realise my ex had a dark side. I certainly wouldn't have married him if he'd behaved that way beforehand. Walk away.

Yeah, I'd draw a line under this chapter in your life tbh.

How often are you asking him for updates? Is it possible that you keep asking when there's not much he can tell you and he doesn't want to keep talking about it pointlessly?

If I were getting divorced I'd find it very difficult to deal with. Maybe he just wants to have fun when he's with you and not travel over every detail of it?

*trawl

Sorry but if you're repeatedly making him discuss things that make him feel shit, he'll feel shit around you.

It's not about his divorce. He's an arsehole.

Thanks for all of your messages, some food for thought x