DP is away and I'm mad at him...

[NomsQualityStreets]

He is due back tomorrow, been away for a week for work. Contact has slowed down as the days went on.
He's busy seeing clients through the day then taking them out in the evening for drinks/meals so not much chance to speak, I get it.

But DS1 is ill and had been missing him loads. Last night he climbed out of his cot at 1am with his runny nose and teary eyes and started asking for daddy. DP knows this.
We had a 1 min conversation on the phone this morning which he cut off as he had to speak to someone, that's ok.
But I text him and asked if he could give us a call when he has time as DS is sad, unwell and keeps bringing me the phone asking to call daddy.

DS bedtime rolls around and no contact, he has read the messages as I could see on whatsapp they're open. I tried to video call him because DS was really upset and giving me the phone and it kept saying contact is on another call. He finally called 20mins after DSs bedtime, he was lucky I ran late putting him down because I was juggling him and baby, and DP just about managed to give up 5mins of his precious time before he had to go and get ready to go out for another meal/drink night, he seemed quite distracted too.
It turned out he was speaking to a friend from abroad when I tried calling earlier (after seeing texts from me) - I didn't say anything but it annoyed me a lot.

AIBU to be peeved he didn't prioritise DS just to tell him good night even though he knew he was missing him and decided to call someone else instead?

I am prepared to be told IBU but TBH I have just spent a week alone with a baby and ill toddler and my mental state is not intact.

MEN !!!!!

How sexist.

My DH travels a lot. I was a mean cow and restricted phone calls to the kids when they were little - it confused them more often than not. We did a little chart of how many days and tick it off. I tried with globes/maps but am not sure that helped much it's easier now they are bigger and understand FaceTime better than me.

It's rough dealing with poorly children. I hope you get a break at some point.

Sorry you are having a bad week 💐🍷

As the child of a father who did quite a lot of travelling, I am v v grateful to my mother who always made it exciting, like an adventure. Looking back, the treats were quite modest, mostly vegan food that (i now suspect) that my father was not all that keen on, but we really looked forward to these 'treats'. My DH is away about half of his working time, i make a point of having 'treats', for example he isn't fond of the smell/taste of cucumber, so i always buy myself one while he is away.

And there is the fun if looking forward to seeing him again, all the best

Bless you! Couldn’t you have got a night nanny for one night part way through the week, at least? That’s rough with a newborn. Really tough. I’m surprised your DH went, to be honest. He really does need to rethink his priorities.

YANBU.
I’ve travelled for work and tbh there isnt a lot to be overwhelmed about. It can be tiring and you get fed up of restaurant meals. It’s hard to get aaay from customers/suppliers/ colleagues.

But a 10 mins phone call to a child That is ill has never been an issue for me.
Actually last time I was away and dc was I’ll, I even had the time to actuallyrung to check how the visit to the GP went, ring again to check the temperature had gone down and dc was settled, let alone ringing for bed time.
As for feeling guilty, well when you do feel guilty, ime, you just try even harder to co tact a child that is desperate to talk to you.

The idea that you need to teach the child not to need daddy when he is away is tbh.
Would we ever think about d’où g that if it was mum that was away??

It’s not even the fact that he didn’t phone your DS, how about just calling to have a proper conversation with you, and checking that you’re alright?? YANBU I think he’s being a twat. It’s no excuse, I bet you wouldn’t do that to him should he be left with the kids for a week.
Hope you have a chilled out evening, run yourself a bath and have some time to yourself while the kids are in bed xxx

Your baby is 6 weeks?!

You poor thing.

He’s a knob to be phoning a friend instead of his poorly child.

Oh and of Course, if he can find the time, the energy etc.. to call a fiend then surely he can find the same for his own child???

And if his job takes him away only once in the year for 3~4 days, then really he should be able to make that effort to contact his child,

I'd have thought you were being a wee bit unreasonable (understandably) but for the phoning his friend. I'd flip.

I'm so sorry. My dh was working away while I was dealing with puking children and it was awful.

That's really shit! And I speak as someone who has a husband who works away 3 weeks at a time.
There can be days and days without any contact, which isn't an issue. But if I said to him that dc wanted to talk to him he would drop everything when he could and would be straight on the phone.

I'm sorry to read that @Hebenon it must be hard, I hope you come to a decision that is best for you and DD

Luckily DP is only away once a year and that wont really change, and hopefully it won't be for so long next year.
Occasionally he might have to go away for a night or two but never really longer than that which I'm fine with, he is very hands on when he's here and loves to get involved with DCs.
Which is why I was so annoyed yesterday, that he failed to prioritise knowing DS was asking to call him.

I think he kind of feels guilty as I've received more texts yesterday and this morning peppered with lots of xxxs rather than one or two and it's the most texts I've had from him since Saturday saying how he can't wait to be home as its been too long etc. I don't even think he's text me in the morning up until today.

Don't cut him slack!!!!!!! I regularly go away with work to do client sales meetings and client dinners. It is REALLY hard to remember the grind of home life because it is generally pretty good fun. If there is a time difference that can make ringing at kids bedtime tough but if he is in the UK there is a high possibility he is off at around 6pm to get a shower and change before going to the evening part of the day. He should be able to call you. Otherwise you step out of the room for a moment - something we ALL do at some point to use the loo. Instead you call home (sometimes from cupboards in my case!)

I think for future you need to agree a plan up front. I call the answerphone and make video messages at my convenience and send home daily and they do ones back. It means I am not trying to catch the kid at exactly the right time before tea or bed or something.

I know I will get hung drawn and quartered for saying this but you are massively over-reacting, as are most other posters on here. Yes it's shit, and very hard work, but it's once a year and it doesn't sound as if you are helping yourself or your DS at all. Have you tried pretending to talk to your DP in front of your toddler, with a bright smile on your face and telling him Daddy loves him? My lot never once cried about their DF not being there.

I've been that person on work trips and I've also been the one left behind with a very newborn, a toddler in plaster and a 4 year old. When away I'm lucky if I get 5 minutes - and I need that to draw breath, go to the loo, get changed and have a very unsatisfactory 1 minute call back home.

I'm 100% sure you DH would far rather be at home than away working.

As a dad who travels sometimes for work I always find time to video call my 2 year old. Simply because I miss him, and the wife too I suppose

Text him this "DH, I appreciate you've been working all week. However, you have had all your meals handed to you, and your bed made every day. I have been home with a newborn and a sick toddler. Doing all cooking, cleaning etc alongside taking care of a baby and a sick toddler. A toddler who misses you and needed to hear from you. I feel massively hurt and disrespected that you couldn't find time to prioritise your sick child, never mind me, and spend 5 minutes to call us. I am saying this now, so we both know how I feel. I don't want the resentment to fester. Please let's ensure this doesn't happen again, as I want our happy home life to remain that. Please acknowledge this and let's make sure this does not become the norm. I love you and am looking forward to your return (not least just to have another person to share the load and give me a break!). Xx

That’s your experience twitterqueen. The many people I know including me and my dh who’ve worked away for work find it pretty easy. Nice hotels, socialising, even out for dinner and drinks leaves alone time late at night and in the morning. No excuses for not talking to your other half and children, and in particular if there is a wife at home with a 6 week old you excuse yourself at whatever suitable time , say I have to call the family and go phone them. Even if you do find travelling hard you still call Home- if it’s harder than being home alone with a sick child and a 6 week old you are in the wrong job for you.

twitterqueen- I agree.

There is a danger of making a drama out of things in front of kids.
Kids are adaptable- it's no big deal. When mine were babies my OH would be gone 10-12 days every month.
No big deal. Children accept these things.
"Daddy goes away with work sometimes, but that's fine, because Mummy is cheerful and we still have fun at home" was my children's way of thinking.
Sometimes he would phone, sometimes not.

It's a bit like children attending nursery - their parents are not there, but that's fine, they will be back, and in the meantime they are having fun.

I think we often pass on our feelings unwittingly to our children.

If a parent is upset and frustrated then often children will be too.

Keep breezy , calm and cheerful and children will respond accordingly.

@TwitterQueen1 I don't believe I am overreacting. Overreacting would be if I tried airing it out over the phone when he rang and/or in front of DS when he came back.

I came on here to vent as I was alone tackling 2 small DCs and had no one else to vent to.

And pretending to talk to him in front of DS won't work as he asks to speak to DP as soon as I'm on the phone and DP usually video calls so DS can see him.
I'm not disputing where my DP would rather be and I have not put pressure on him to call or expected him to any other day apart from the day when DS was ill and asking for him.

I know some kids might not ask but DS is very close to DP and he has been asking for him from the first bedtime, it then got worse when he got ill as he just wanted to see his daddy, that's not unusual is it?

To the posters that mentioned, I don't think I've projected anything. When DS would ask about DP in the morning/at night I would tell him daddy is at work right now but will be back soon. I made the days as fun as I could, doing a bit of crafts, going for walks, went to see his friends etc and was generally carrying on as normal.

And let's not forget that he found the time to call his friend.

My husband used to work away a lot, id be mightily pissed off if he didn’t bother to find time for our kids especially when they’re little.

You are well within your right to be peeved about this.

And let's not forget that he found the time to call his friend.

Quite.