To think this is not on, relative sending letters liabelling to me to my .....IN LAWS!!

[seriouslycanthisgetWORSE]

Honestly!

A relative has written to my husband about me, utter nasty rubbish, besmirching me and my DF who has recently died....and sent this and another nasty letter to my bloody in laws, whom I do not get on with!

Mil will be relishing in this! She already loves to put my family down....we have massive issues with her, my dh and I have been to relate a few times about them and boundaries etc.

Can I do something legally about this ridiculousness?

The letters are about my DF and his passing, they are barely concealed contempt for DF - one letter saying its disrespectful not to tell family when someone passes away then spending a page on really nasty stuff about my DF...

The other letter is nasty about the grave stone, the wording saying " I took my father to the grave to pay respects to his brother and we were highly amused by the wording, you clearly do not know your father or your like him, a wastrel etc etc etc. ( its lovely wording and an appropriate quote which is lovely) this brother never bothered or visited my ill dad who lived round the corner for decades. NOr did his daughter who also wrote nasty letters. they know I have this diffuclult relationship with my in laws hence copying them in.

Ie pay respects then laugh and say nasty things about the wording but but but...copying in my in laws! Can I do anything legal about this?

As pps have said already, op, these people simply want a reaction from you. Don't give them one. Rant away to your heart's content privately but it needs to be complete radio silence as far as they're concerned. Nothing, at all. You say they're not involved in your life so then they really don't matter. Let your initial fury die down then move on. If they carry on then speak to the police for advice about harassment but other than that don't waste your energy on people who bring nothing to you and your children's lives. The only way to win is not to play.

My 'D'M did this to me once. Sent a nasty letter to my then MIL slagging me off, after she'd fallen out with my (now ex)H. Infact she did it to a lot of family members for one reason or another. She also would write to employers (of family members) as well as people within their social circle (vicar of their church, etc).

Best thing to do is ignore it. They're after a reaction.

we dont know if mil has been sent these yet! It says - copied in your parents. As if we are teenagers.

I dont want to bite but I dont want further letters and I certainly dont want this cousin feeling she can turn up at my door! "demanding answers"

Your best bet is to ignore it, OP.

Writing back is likely to just make them more determined to cause trouble, because they'll have got a reaction from you.

I know it's tempting to respond but you really won't be helping things if you do.

You could employ a solicitor to write back to them but why go to that expense? Especially as it would probably only make them write more, judging from what you've said about them.

If they turn up at your door demanding explanations you don't have to answer the door. Tell them to leave and if they refuse, call the police. Easy.

I know it's upsetting and frustrating, but the best way to stop this is to ignore it.

If your parents in law choose to respond then that's up to them. Let them get all worked up. Their choice. You don't have to listen to them if they want to talk about it.

You can't control how anyone else behaves. You can only control how you behave.

spoke to non emergency and asked them if this was harrasment or anything and they said yes....they have given me a ref no in case any thing else happens and will call me to talk about other options...

I said the last thing I want right now is for them to approach anyone I just want this logged and noted and possibly words to say to ask them to stop.

OP, how old are you?

If you are old enough to be married, have your own front door etc etc, you have the right NOT to respond to anyone 'turning up at your door demanding answers'

You don't have to answer anyone or do anything you don't want to. If ANYONE turns up (which they won't because they are cowards... cowards hide behind little poisonous letters') you don't answer the door and if they don't go away, you call the police to make them.

I'm cross at them, they have no right to bully you

Hissy do I sound young I'm just worn out, young dc one whom has a subtle condition comes on rarely but fast makes me anxious.. She ends up in a and e with it's when df dying dh was down stairs with her getting her checked out after along drive. She is hard work on top.. Dh and I have had a hell of a year dealing with horrid situation with df, Miles away, tricky logistics.. Nasty family members.. I'm just tired and fed up.
This cousin is a thug and if she feels qualified and ok with writing a nasty letter to my dh about my own df estate!! She will have the stupidity and lack of self awareness to turn up at my door.
It won't be dh shoring me up telling her to get lost it will be me and probably with demanding five year old interrupting me.

I'm just fed up, I don't feel safe or comfortable in my own home.. Fed up anyway with in laws, and now this, once this stuff has been read one can't un read it. Mil will be having a field day, years off trying to build up family to nasty Mil treating me like shit on her shoes.. Now she has a horrid nasty description of my df too read through... Of me..

Dsis and dB area the nastiest people I know they have made it a life mission to run me down and turn wider family against me.

We don't get invited to weddings from older cousins because of their them etc.

My dc are therefore stuck between in laws and this horrid situation. It's so upsetting android frustrating.

But sorry forgot to add thanks for feeling angry on my behalf, and for all the messages on this thread.

If you don't think you could deal with your cousin with your child interrupting and so on, then just don't answer the door.

You need to stop worrying about what might happen and focus on how well you're doing. Stop worrying about what other people think about you, and live your life the best you can.

I wonder if you could get some CBT? It's really helpful in cases like this. Your GP might be able to help you. You sound so worried.

It's horrible that people are ganging up on you -I've been there.
You have to build your self esteem.
You know the truth. If you are sure you have done nothing wrong then start viewing these people as scum beneath your feet.
As for her turning up - be prepared but don't be overwhelmed. We have laws in place to deal with scum like her.
You know the truth, believe in yourself and disregard what your in laws think. They are nothing.

It sounds awful but maybe nothing much more will happen. It sounds like your DF died quite recently so maybe it's just a pathetic knee jerk reaction from them and now they have written the letters they won't do anything more.

(((HUG))) BLESS YOU, you do have a lot on your plate.

I think actually that some CBT might help tbh, it might take a while to be effective, but I agree, gaining the ability to take a step back and rationally look at a situation for what it really is WILL give you a great deal of strength.

FACT - nobody has a right to make you feel unsafe in your own home.
FACT - nobody really cares what your revolting family think in their pathetic little letters - and if anyone DOES.... then that's one less on your Christmas Card list. fuck em. they seriously are not worth the hassle.

You don't need the approval of your family members, or your inlaws. you are doing a great job in difficult circumstances.

If anyone DOES turn up at the door, you know what you are going to do - NOT answer the door, and if they don't get the message, call the police. You have the proof to show that they are harassing you if need be, but I am fairly confident that this twat of a cousin won't run the risk of pitching up at your door

I totally get how you feel because it's just how I feel and would want to react. But as other posters have said, if you do rant at them, they have won; they wanted a reaction, they stirred it with their big wooden spoon and got what they wanted.

So you have to be canny. Don't rise to it, don't acknowledge it and don't say anything to anyone other than your DH and us on here. By doing that, firstly you retain the moral high ground and secondly are not allowing their silly games. They are almost certainly wildly jealous of you and your perceived "luxury" lifestyle and casting about for anything to drag you down. Don't give them the satisfaction.

As far as grandparents are concerned, you can tell your DC about your lovely parents (I've done that with mine as DM died before they were born). There are photos about and I answer questions about her honestly. My kids haven't lost out particularly, and in many ways, better to have lovely albeit deceased grandparents than toxic alive ones.

Chin up, keep on putting one foot in front of the other and don't let them grind you down.

IGNORE . Carry on with your life and as you appear to be doing ignore and don't see it respond to toxic people .

Can doctor refer to the cbt I tried to get some therapy a while ago re pmt and they refer me to the talking therapy, who said I wasn't depressed enough.
I don't feel depressed but yes I do feel worried, where I live I feel exposed.. It's on open road and dB lives very close by.

You can't sue for libel unless there are damages, which seems unlikely in this case. You could possibly have a harassment case, but you'd have to show that this had been happening over a period of time and was affecting your daily life.

Just let it go.

Ignore them. I know it’s difficult but the point is to get a reaction, their letter preaches to a choir who already share their brand of nastiness. No response, is the best response because a response is what they want and bullies hate not getting what they want. Your MIL was a nasty piece of work before the letter and she will no doubt continue to be one after, nothing has changed apart from hopefully giving you more incentive to cut these people out of your life.