To look like crap

[monkeymamma]

I badly need to lose some weight (not overweight in a medical sense, but I jiggle a lot and my bum is expanding daily). I am exhausted and look grey. My skin is rubbish. My wardrobe needs an overhaul. My hair has had two bad cuts and a bad colour (now faded) and just feels "meh". My digestive system is sluggish (bit of a theme right now on MN!) and my diet is pretty poor. Think lots of carbs. Very little fruit (though a fair bit of veg). Too much ready made pizza and curry. Baked beans and toast feature quite heavily, so does Nutella.

I hate that it sounds like it could be sorted so easily (get to the gym, eat better) but in reality... I am exhausted. I get no sleep (neither our 6yo nor 3yo will sleep through the night... they are in and out of our bed all night and up with the larks). I haven't had a full night's sleep in six years, basically. I have too much work on right now (freelance) to get to the gym or any classes. I want to eat better but feel nauseous at the idea of anything that isn't sugary carbs. I get horrendous migraines sometimes for days at a time and don't want to eat anything then but hula hoops and chocolate.

I feel like I might get... not flamed exactly, but let's say, some hard words and home truths from my fellow MNetters (and maybe some good advice). Bring it on I guess.

It feels like food would be the easiest to fix but I have so little energy/time to cook and shop. Additionally my youngest is really fussy so I end up cooking the things he will eat. I can't think of anything genuinely healthy that I would like (eg I love lentils and veg, but) that they would eat.I can't cook two meals, so end up eating what they eat (often very carb laden and white bread etc).

Awaiting the hard words and advice please!

I feel like a good first step would be some walks and fresh air. But DS2 is at that awkward age - too old to sit happily in the buggy, too young to manage much walking or scooting in one go! And it's freezing! I sound very defeatist don't I. Oh dear.

You sound like I feel. It is the sleep thing that kills me. DD is 7 and still often wakes me up at night. We are getting a new puppy in a fortnight so I am expecting him to wake me up a few times/night for the next 6 months too.. Must be mad!

I find the food thing REALLY helps. If you have a partner then grab back a few hours on the weekend to make soup. Veggie and healthy and bag it up in individual portions to be lunch all week. Breakfast you can add fruit too to health up. For dinner time I try to change out a few key items to health mine up - e.g. I have sweet potato and kid / hubby have normal potato. I don't have the bread component but have an easy cook veg instead.

E.g tonight we are all having omlette but my sides will be all veg. The kid / hubby will have veg and fries (I promised fries for after swimming!)

Can you make one small change? Go for a walk on the day that your partner/someone else is looking after the children?

Also I'd recommend you and your partner (if you have one) taking turns to go to sleep in a hotel for a night or two, or better still have someone take the kids and go together. You need a couple of nights of sleep.

I felt like you until a few weeks ago :( it's not nice, I sympathise.

What helped me was, believe it or not, slimming world. And not the classes, I don't stay for that. Only weigh ins.

It's the cooking that is helping me. I forgot how much I loved cooking from scratch. So at night after work, I shut myself in the kitchen leaving DD in the living room with her dad, and cook. Sometimes I have my ipad on the counter with my shows on while I chop and dice, sometimes music. I'm snacking on fruit instead of chocolate and crisps. And some of the recipes are lovely! DP and DD are having them for dinner too.

I feel SO much better for eating better. I have loads more energy, have started getting up earlier and making an effort for work, putting makeup on and doing my hair etc. I've only lost 4.5lb so far but I'm weighing tonight so hopefully another 1lb or 2 will be off. I feel so much better I'll continue like this anyway.

Only you can make the change you need!

Why dont you try slimming world online- no need to go to classes, lots of 'fakeaway' like kfc chicken and curry. My children are very fussy but ive persuaded them with lots of sw offerings. I find it easy to follow once you've got your head round it and i was more motivated when the weight started to come off. Also take advantage of 'roast in a bag' joints- tesco do pork and chicken and they're lovely.

Can you book in for a trim and do a home colour if time is an issue?

Pick up some fresh 'basics' tops from new look/next/Tesco and a couple of nice scarfs to freshen up your wardrobe- when im feeling bloated a nice scarf hidea a multitude of sins 😂

I do understand how you feel- i have a 5&2 yr old. I feel like im on a hamster wheel of housework, childcare, night&double shifts along with dancing/swimming/rainbows/gymnastics...its tough. Invest 15 minutes in yourself each day and you'll start to be motivated by feeling better about yourself

First of all, get a decent haircut. You need to boost your self esteem quickly and easily and that's a good start. Then you can start making one small change at a time. Start doing a proper skincare regime - if you tell me your skin type
I'll happily recommend a simple cleanser, serum and moisturiser that might work for you. Takes 5 minutes each morning and evening and will make a big difference. Then start drinking more water. Then ensure you're eating a good lunch with protein, veg and good fats - you can tackle dinner later. Then get out for a walk - even a short one - twice a week. Then build up to once every second day. Then start cooking something healthy for yourself for dinner twice a week, even if it means doing something different for the kids. And so on.

Make a long-term plan with all these baby steps. Master one step and make it become habit before you go on to the next one. Accept that it could take a year or 18 months. But every day will be slightly better than the last and that's all that matters.

You sound like me (only I've only got one child). Would you snack on fruit? Could it replace a different snack? It doesn't need any prep (at least if you choose the right fruit!) and is a small step in the right direction that hopefully isn't too hard to make.

No harsh words. I think a lot of us are there right now.

Stick a box of hair dye on when the kids are in bed. Go for a nice bracing walk at the weekends as a family- even though if you don't go far the fresh air will perk you up. And try a Berocca in a pint of water in the mornings.

I feel exactly the same. I have just stopped eating if it isn't something healthy. Admittedly I miss a few meals but I need to loose weight anyway and I actually feel a bit better now that I am lighter despite being hungry often. I've got better at buying healthy snacks so I had something to eat even if I don't have time to cook properly. With improving skin I have found that the easiest method is to use biweekly chemical based products (as opposed to the the kind that need manual exfoliation/something else you don't feel like doing when really tired) that I can buy online and having a few water bottles lying around because I am more likely to drink water that way. Probiotics are also really great for me at least. I always feel better/loose weight quicker when taking them regularly.

Eating poorly when exhausted is a vicious circle, as it won't help with the exhaustion. Make one small change at a time with your daily routine - whether it be making one meal nutritious and healthy to give you more energy, getting out for some fresh air and exercise, and lots of other suggestions I see previous posters have added. You can do this and will feel better for it

Can you afford to buy a soup maker and for a while, ready-prepared veg? You just chuck the veg in, add stock and switch it on, 20 minutes later, soup. Veg are more important than fruit - fruit is quite sugary. If you can get it, try and buy organic wholemeal bread - that's much better for you. It's made with the whole grain, whereas non-organic, they just make it with white flour and tip the bran back in. I can remember feeling like this. Just for a few weeks, try to get ready-prepared healthy stuff if you can manage it. You need looking after, and sometimes you've just got to do it for yourself. A quick, healthy meal - tip a tin of tomatoes into a pan with a tin of beans (not in sauce, just drained haricot, borlotti or whatever you can get) and heat it up. If you've got the energy, you can add fried onions, chopped veg etc, but it's nice just by itself and is very, very simple.

Cutting the carbs (particularly the sugar) might help you on your way to sorting the rest. I've been meaning to cut the carbs for a while and after only 3 days I already feel more energetic and in a better mood!

Have a trim at the hairdressers, would take less that 15 minutes!

Dye hair at home. The dye won’t need to be on for long, and you can crack on with whatever house/work bits you need too

Buy a decent fitting bra, some basic coloured T-shirts and some jeans/trousers, decent shoes & bag as a starting point for your clothing

Do an online food shop.

Eating more fruit is easy, as long as it’s in the house you can just grab and eat no prep! If your out the house take a few pieces of fruit in your bag

Nothing wrong with beans on toast, just eat an apple as well

Eat normal dinners but make swaps like sweet potato for normal potato. Broccoli rice for rice etc etc

Buy a multi vitamin, can get many reasonably priced ones

At some point every weekend at some point could you make an effort to get out for a walk, bike ride etc as a family

If you have a dh or dp they need to be helping out with dinners, bedtimes etc so you get a break now and then

Sort the sleep first. If I go more than 2 days with shot sleep I look like death. Either swap and spend a night in a hotel sleeping or get an overnight sitter and sleep for 2 straight days.

Thanks so much for the replies, they are both very helpful and not at all harsh :-)

If anything it has made me feel slightly better about our diet as we do have soup generally twice a week (DH does 5:2 so soup is a big part of our lives lol). It's fruit that's a struggle for me - for some reason it makes me feel really nauseous and it's also kind of unsatisfying to me. The PP who said veggies are healthier anyway - hooray!

Wholegrain bread is a great idea and I have got some wholegrain pasta for me and DH to try with a broccoli/lemon sauce later this week.

DS2 has flu vaccine tomorrow so I might (if it doesn't rain) walk in instead of driving, that's at least 40 mins of bum exercise at least.

My hair was really butchered by two successive hairdressers with the end result it has a lot of weird layers and lengths, so I've been trying to grow it out, meanwhile it gets bushier and bushier. Maybe a bit of colour will help though. I have trust issues in terms of hairdressers right now!

I also have a work trip coming up which will involve several nights in a hotel, which might just help with the sleep situation temporarily.

DH helps as much as he can but he works really long hours so I do most of the bedtimes and cooking/shopping. We're both knackered tbh!

water and berocca sound good as they are both do-able in the short term. Thank you again so much for some great suggestions!