To want another baby?

[Mrskerr]

I am almost 41 and have an amazing almost 2 year old little girl. I would love another baby, however my DH (who is 48) says he is too old. I feel so sad that my daughter will be an only child and desperately want to give her a sibling. My DH has a 28 year old son from a previous relationship, so technically my DD isn't an only child, but it's such a huge age gap they're not really like brother and sister. I also feel sad that I won't experience pregnancy and the newborn stage again. I know I am so lucky to have one, but I can't stop thinking about this. AIBU?

And yes battleax, she obviously had a name change fail. No need for the arsey face.

YANBU
It’s ok to want another child and be disappointed and sad at being unable to have one.
However sometimes it can help to take another perspective. My friend had difficulty conceiving her DS. Since having him she tried for several years to conceive with no success. One round of IVF. She was very sad at only having one and felt it was all wrong and unfair. Then it really did go wrong. She got cancer. Had to have a hysterectomy and various other organs removed. She is clear at the moment and very very lucky to be alive. She was happy to get get rid of all her baby stuff after this and look to the future. She’s thrilled that she will now hopefully have the chance to see her DS grow up. I also have another friend who died leaving her 2 young DS. Very sad. I don’t tell these stories to be morbid. Just to say, when you can, be glad to be alive and enjoy the children/child you have while you can.

And yes battleax, she obviously had a name change fail. No need for the arsey face.

I wasn't sure at first if it was two people with similar experiences. Hence the confused face. But feel free to be an arse for no reason

I wonder if you're getting the OP mixed up with me?

I can't see anywhere in the OP that she has fertility issues and MC.

OP, if you have had this experience then ignore me! I may have missed something

No not you

Hmm the fact that your dh is approaching 50 to me would be a reason to give your DD a sibling. Otherwise she'll be coping alone with elderly parents/if anything happens to him?

@wisterialanes He is a very, very young 57....people are astounded when they find out his age.
And his parents at 87 and 95 are still going strong. His dad only gave up work (part time) at age 92!
So I reckon he could definitely fit another child in. If only he would.

Likewise my DH is a very young 48. He looks about 35 and has a young outlook. I also agree with PP about coping with elderly parents, I don't want DD to feel alone.

To answer a PP, no fertility issues, but I did have a missed miscarriage at 11 weeks before having my daughter.

What about the financial aspect of raising a DC though OP? At 48 your DH is probably going to be 49 by the time any theoretical 2nd DC appeared and given that DC need to be supported to a bare minimum of 18 and often up to 25 that would make your DH 67, best case scenario, and mid-70s if that DC goes to uni and needs your support as they start out in independent life. My DH was 41 when our 2nd DC was born and when we did that maths that was scary enough. To be 48 or, god forbid 57, and contemplating another DC you've got to be fairly financially secure and confident that you'll be earning (or have the savings), to provide for many years to come. Most people don't want to still be parenting in their 60s - they want to be done and enjoying their retirement.

As he faces his son celebrating his 30th birthday in the next couple of years I can understand your DH feeling he's too old and doesn't want to go back to the newborn stage again.

Not being judgey about the age gap between his son and your DD, just I can understand where your DH might be coming from.

But the sibling could have severe SEN or they might just not get along. Have another child because you want one not for your daughter as you never know how that will play out.

Honestly, the jump between one and two is massive and 48 is a bit old even for one let alone two. I would trust him on this one. If it makes you feel any better I have two and in many ways parenting was more enjoyable/special with the just the one, and easier obviously. As far as giving her a sibling goes:I was an only child. I liked it. There are downside but it's also really good in some ways. It certainly suited me better.

10FingersOnTheFender He might well be, but he is 57.

All valid points, and all ones we have considered. We're financially secure and I'm a full time mum at the moment, so it's not like we'd be loosing income in the short term. If it's meant to be...

Don’t worry about only children being left to look after elderly parents🙂. I was chatting to a lady in the dentist today prob late 60s. She had just lost her mum. She said she felt very lonely, her brother had died too. Many siblings end up arguing over who is doing more for elderly parents. Actually it’s prob easier if there’s just one of you

I'm an only child as well. And I HATED it. I asked to go to boarding school when I was 10.
My mum is an only child too. And now she looks after her elderly and infirm father in his home. She does it all. It's seriously hard work.
I can understand where you're coming from OP.

I have a sibling who lives abroad.

By default I will be looking after elderly parents.

Stupid reason to have a baby.

MrsMaxwell no one said it was a reason to have a baby!