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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think women would be happier in their own skin if they weren't continually told how crap that skin was

65 replies

CaraBosse1 · 22/01/2018 08:25

Same applies to body, hair etc

I know everyone on MN claims to look at least 10 years younger so I am that rare beast who thinks I probably look my age - 54. And that wouldn't be a problem if we weren't continually given the message that lines and wrinkles are A Bad Thing. No they're not- some if us will get them even if we avoud the sun , follow a skin care regime, don't smoke and drink plenty of fucking water.

It's a natural part of ageing for some of us. But I think the pressure is worse nowadays because of Botox, fillers, whatever being - if the media is to be believed, commonplace. I just don't want to be made to feel shit about myself.

End of rant for now

OP posts:
JennyOnAPlate · 22/01/2018 09:36

I agree that there’s a lot of pressure these days.

I also think that people using fillers/Botox etc are deluding themselves a bit. A 40 year old with a face full of Botox doesn’t look 30, they look 40 with a face full of Botox. It’s really obvious when someone has had that type of work done ime so I don’t really see the point!

BoredOnMatLeave · 22/01/2018 09:38

If it makes you feel better OP, I look older than my age. I'm 25 and people usually guess 30. I haven't been ID'd since I was 20.

It doesn't really bother me to be honest... maybe it will in 20 years. But at the moment I just thinking looking older is part of life.

Didntcomeheretofuckspiders · 22/01/2018 09:40

Is it just me or is it nigh on impossible to age anyone because of the vast quantity of makeup we seem to be expected to wear?

I don’t wear makeup and would tend to say I look my age, if not slightly younger but only because I’m a bit scruffy. I’m 25 and could probably pass for anywhere between 17 and 30 depending on the day.

WhooooAmI24601 · 22/01/2018 09:42

You can choose how you go about it, though; if you watch celeb tv and read celeb mags you're exposing yourself to it. You're bombarding yourself with images of 'perfection'.You can opt out of that whole cycle then you really only have images of 'real' people with 'real' bodies to compare yourself to.

I don't feel at all bad about my body or face; I look like a 36 year old woman who has produced two DC. It's absolutely fine to just take care of yourself with good food and exercise and let the rest be up to nature. And it's absolutely fine to go down the botox route if that's what you feel you need.

It's the whole judgement thing that damages women more than anything and women can be their own worst enemy for judging one another.

BlurryFace · 22/01/2018 09:51

Close up I look late 20s (which I am) a little distance away and I look teens because of the oily acne skin. I certainly don't look like a cute teen though.

Some people look young for their age but there are some who know people who are very poor at gauging age or are just polite.

I devastated an older coworker once when she played the "guess how old I am" game and I guessed to within a couple of years. Apparently most people guessed a lot younger, whereas I thought I was being polite and knocking a few years off as one is supposed to.

TheTurnOfTheScrew · 22/01/2018 09:58

I certainly don't look 10 years younger. I have an age-appropriate amount of wrinkles/sagginess, and I don't give a fig.

I agree with Jennyonaplate though - it kills me though that everyone on MN who has botox swears that theirs is "subtle" and their practitioner has "a very light touch". My dentist offers botox, and it's pretty easy to guess who in the waiting room is there for a filling and who's having a botox top-up. I'm not saying it looks bad, but it's certainly distinctive.

LemonShark · 22/01/2018 10:20

Agree makeup makes a huge difference! With it I can look closer to my age, without it as I'm very pale I swear I look about 18. There are downsides to looking young, notably the perception others have of you in the workplace.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 22/01/2018 10:24

Some women like to look good for themselves though. 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
CaraBosse1 · 22/01/2018 10:25

Thanks for replies.

No-one can make you feel shit about yourself, or feel anything actually - you own your feelings

Alas, not true!

OP posts:
ragged · 22/01/2018 10:56

We own our beliefs. Beliefs very often lead to our feelings.
Changing our beliefs often changes our feelings.

You can CHOOSE to believe that it's important to look young.... pretty... attractive... important... your best.
Or you can choose not to believe those things.

araiwa · 22/01/2018 11:08

Consider the amount of money kim kardashian has, and how much she has spent (money and time) on surgery, stylists, make up, personal trainers hairstylists clothes and jewellry etc etc

She still doesnt look as good as a photo of kim kardashian

grannytomine · 22/01/2018 11:12

I never used skin care products, I was lucky as missed out the spotty phase and then other than sun screen on holiday never bothered. Hit my 60s and my skin feels so dry so I have started using moisturiser as it feels more comfortable.

blackberryfairy · 22/01/2018 11:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WonderLime · 22/01/2018 11:14

You can CHOOSE to believe that it's important to look young.... pretty... attractive... important... your best.
Or you can choose not to believe those things.

It’s a lot easier to say than do.

If we all lived lives where the only beliefs that matter to a person is their own, then sure. However, I would think that you care about what your family, partner, friends, parents and colleagues believe. If they believe being young, beautiful, important etc are relevant, then it’s not surprising if you not only end up feeling the same things as then, but want to be all of those things to please the people you care about.

JacquesHammer · 22/01/2018 11:16

When I was 27 I got into the football (quite accidentally) as a child (under 16) Grin

Didntcomeheretofuckspiders · 22/01/2018 11:20

Blackberry I had this discussion with DB’s GF yesterday. She couldn’t understand why her friend (early 20s) wasn’t allowed a drink in a pub, with a meal, with her family because she didn’t have ID. She couldn’t grasp that because she looked like she could be under 25, she needed ID regardless of the fact ‘she looks older than 16’.

UpstartCrow · 22/01/2018 11:21

Anyone who's been in an abusive relationship or who understands how advertising works knows you don't automatically own all of your feelings in every situation.
If it were true, shitty dating techniques such as negging wouldn't work because people would be able to see them for what they are straight away.

Few people are so self contained that they cannot be influenced. We can learn to see negativity and detach, but society does not encourage women to be that mature and self reliant.

scortja · 22/01/2018 11:22

No-one can make you feel shit about yourself

But they try, don't they? They spend billions and billions and billions of pounds TRYING to make you feel shit about yourself

Didntcomeheretofuckspiders · 22/01/2018 11:22

Jaques DP and I were entering a race last year and the woman charged us for an adult and a junior! Would have gone with it if it wasn’t for the fact the junior race was only one mile... might have come a bit closer to winning though 😂

ragged · 22/01/2018 11:46

"want to be all of those things to please the people you care about"

then those people are fuckwits!! And there's poor reason to have them in our lives. sheesh, why do women do this. Why do we think our important role is to please others . Just GRRRRRRRRRRrrrr

restbiterepeat · 22/01/2018 11:48

I think even if the beauty industry ground to a halt tomorrow then society would just find another measure to let women know that they were inadequate and women would compete to outrun that assessment.

Whether it's competition of morality or mothering or exercising or eating or anything else, we've all become very adept at keeping an eye on what other women are doing and how they are doing it wrong.

StarShapedWindow · 22/01/2018 12:15

My DM and Aunts are approaching mid 60s and their faces are beautiful - they have laughter lines around their eyes and they are ageing but they totally own it. They have their own style, they know what works/ suits them and they don’t bother with trends or trying to look ‘younger’. They give me huge confidence about getting older, it’s fine, it’s lucky to have the chance to age. They are so much more glamorous than most people half their age.

meredintofpandiculation · 22/01/2018 12:17

It's deemed a compliment to tell a woman she looks younger than she is. It's not deemed a compliment to tell a man that he looks younger than he is to anywhere near the same extent.

Why's it complimentary to say, in effect, "you look physically fit" and not a compliment to say "you look as if you've had time to experience a lot of things and thus gain knowledge and wisdom" (and yes I know this is a generalistion and that there are young people who are wiser and more knowledgeable and experienced than some other people years older than them)

StarShapedWindow · 22/01/2018 12:19

Why do people see it as a positive to look ‘young for your age?’ I looked young for my age until I was in my late 20s and I hated it. Being denied alcohol at a checkout and looking like a ‘young mum’ - I found it nothing but irritating.

DenPerry · 22/01/2018 12:25

I think there are some people who do have baby faces but these are rare, most people look their age. What I think has changed in the last few generations is style... women use to cut their hair short and curly far earlier than we do now and makeup wasn't as good. I look at pictures of my mum at my age and she does look older, but not her skin... just the way she has styled her hair and the clothes shes wearing, big jewellery, make-up more old fashioned.