AIBU to feel guilty for any time I have to myself knowing my husband gets so much less?

[goodeyebrows]

We have two DC, DS is 4 and at school and DD is 2. She sleeps very well during the day. Over 2 hours in bed given the opportunity. My DS has been a very hard child to raise and

Sorry posted way to soon.

A combination of him being a feisty 4 year old who doesn’t listen but very emotional when things don’t go his way. The past 4 years have been tough but now he’s at school my life is so much easier. I work one long shift and two short shifts midweek but DH works Mon-Fri, is out of the house 10 hours a day in a job he doesn’t love but doesn’t hate either and pays quite poorly for his age (he has no qualifications or experience in anything much so can’t really complain about what he gets paid just that’s is definitely not enough for me to not work) as soon as he gets home it’s dinner on the table, bath, bed etc and it’s knackering. Every time I get to do not very much, I feel so guilty that he gets so little time for himself. Inspired by another thread I wondered how do others who have only school age children and don’t work feel when their DH/DP work full time?

What you describe is just normal life if you feel rested enough during the week and you can manage kids by youtself on a weekend for a few hours say he can have a long lie in or take this in turns. Does he have a hobby he can do for a few hours to chill out a bit on a Sunday before his week starts? You too, it's important for you to both have some free time.

My ds is at nursery due to start school in Sept.I don't work and I get 2 days a week to myself 9am til 3pm and it's bliss but I do feel guilty I must admit although I have no reason to as we've done things thus way due to childcare being expensive

I agree with Raven, maybe he wants a few hours to himself on the weekend, and because you are more rested you could have the kids then.

If money is an issue, then perhaps there is something extra you could do for a few hours here and there to earn a bit of money. Something self employed maybe so you don't have the additional childcare complications. Not always easy though obviously.

Just do what you can to equalise the down time and I would give him a pass on most daily chores like washing up etc so he can spend time witht he kids and a have a bit of time alone of the loo etc (so long as it wasn't taken for granted!).

In some ways it is better to have your situation than two parents both trying to squeeze family time, DIY/admin, rest and personal time into the same short weekend and neither getting what they need.

My DD is 8 months and for the first time since she was born I get a bit of time to myself now while she has decent naps in the day time. In comparison my DP who works a lot of hours gets very little time in the evenings to just relax so I try to give him a bit more time at weekends when he isn’t working but I do feel a little bad at times.

Some more details about your daily life would be helpful. What if anything does DH do when at home? If you do most of the house stuff and childcare fair enough. If he is coming home and having to cook dinner or bath kids etc then you would be right to feel bad! Whatever you do, don't take on a FT work so that you can show your empathy by being as exhausted as him. Believe me it's not a good strategy!

I never felt guilty when the children were younger

When they were all in senior school then yes probably felt/feel a bit guilty

But dh is well paid and doesnt dislike his job...he would probably love to give up work but would need a lottery win

You have small children and you work, try not be hard on yourself

You not getting any rest either, wouldn't help your dh any. You would just both be tired. At least if you get downtime, you can help him out more when he gets home.
Someone has to look after the kids and at the moment that is you.
I'd only feel guilty if I could be earning lots and he couldn't and I chose to sah anyway and let him get on with it.

Oh I missed that you woh too. Def don't feel guilty.

Could u up your hours so dh could cut down to 4 days

Thanks for the replies. My DH doesn’t feel like he could cut his hours in the environment he works in. He does quite a bit when home but usually we both do it ifswim like both help bath the kids or if I’ve made a early dinner for the kids he’ll cook for something for us. But if he’s doing something I’m doing something too. I like a few of you have hit the nail on the head, he’s exhausted and it would be no good for me to be exhausted too. He doesn’t have any hobbies (I wish he did) but he likes going out so he goes out as much as he can and I don’t moan about it. But that is still never more than once a week.