I’m not BU just need help. To all parents, TA’s, teachers and all staff in schools

[Letsmaketheworldbetter]

I’ve just posted this in education but let’s be honest we all love a AIBU thread so I thought I’d post it on here hoping to get more responses as I genuinely need all your help. I’m sure a lot will want to voice their opinion.

As parents/school staff there are always improvements we would like to see for our child/children’s school. Some of you may think they are too irrelevant to mention, or you may not have the confidence to voice your opinions to your child’s teacher or your colleague.
I am currently working in a primary school and would like to make some improvements. I don’t have the authority to employ more staff or buy more resources, but I’m hoping I can make a difference.
I would like your opinions in case I have missed anything.
Thank you in advance.

Accept and respect the fact that many mums have actual real jobs. Not just hobby jobs that they don't have to go to when for example the school organises parent meetings at 2pm. Have some respect for parents and their time full stop.
Don't evangelise to the children. Not that it works.

Irritating when the same 5 or 6 DC get lead roles in all the plays, to play for every sports team going, chosen to represent the school at every opportunity, take the lead roles in class assemblies etc. Give everyone a chance!
At my DD's primary, they had a "rule" that every child in Years 3 - 6 had to represent the school at sport once per year, had to speak/perform at a parents's assembly once per year and had to have at least one line to speak in a play. I thought it worked well.

Communication, communication, communication.

When DD was in reception the teacher used ClassDojo. It was great, I felt involved, knew what was going on, could contact teacher if necessary.

Year 1 teacher doesn’t like ClassDojo. First week of term announced a drop in session at 9am. Neither of us could go at that notice. Turns out she used it to explain how to do the homework for the rest of the year. If you weren’t there, you didn’t know. She also pointed out at that meeting that she won’t respond to,ClassDojo messages. I now feel uninvolved in DD’s education, scrabbling to get things together last minute from requests I don’t fully understand.

Families with two working parents often feel excluded and I feel shitty that I’m struggling to support DD because I don’t know what’s going on.

Parents-
Are there improvements in the classroom that you would like to see?
More/less homework?
More support in helping your children’s education?
Teachers-
What more would you like from your support staff?
How can people support you in minimising your workload?

I had 2 children at the school. A message on my answerphone talking about "your child" is not helpful

Yes this I had 4 children in the school.
Also letters which didn't specify which year(s) it referred to. So I would be handed a bunch of letters at the school gate, by the time I got home I had no idea which letter was from which child. (And the children swear blind they are not allowed to read them,or they will be in trouble. So they cant tell me either )

Or I got two copies of a letter, presumed the other two had got lost. Then found out that actually, no, this information only referred to 2 year groups.

For reference this is what some others have said......

‘In all honesty, I would say "My son has worked hard throughout his 5 and a half years at this school. Always does his homework, has never been in trouble, has never been late. Helps younger children. Tries his best. So why has he never had the coveted Governors' Award? Why is he passed over time and time again for the sports teams? When the list is full of kids who have been and are in and out of trouble".’

rewards for children with 100% attendance are ableist and unkind

Another....

‘Governor here.

Giving out prizes for 100% attendance bug me. It's not fair for those who are genuinely ill/ unable to come to school.

A fairer system would be a reward for less than x episodes of absence with less than x late marks.’

And the last one.....

Less homework and appropriate homework. I really don't want my child to waste time having to write 50 spellings (10 words 5 times each) that they already consistently spell correctly just so I can sign them off and they don't have to miss break doing them.
I think schools need to remember that children need some time outside school to relax, play outside, play board games, read for pleasure (not just Biff and bloody Chip!), sing, dance, draw and all the other things that aid their development and help them be able to concentrate and learn at school.

Our school hires a bouncy castle for end of term and each child gets allocated a set amount of minutes.

However- if child has been absent then they get so many minutes taken off their allocated amount.
Child is therefore penalised for being ill.

I don't think that's very fair.

Dd has asthma and there have been times when she's begged to go to school when really unwell ( she's 6 nearly 7 ) because it also affects the class figures and the winning class get a trip to soft play.

I do get the mentality behind it but the kids are literally scared to stay off as it affects them all.

Yep. Communication all the way.
Starting with not letting me know of a parent evening at 5.00pm 3 days before said event (no way I can get out of work with so little notice)

But also proper and realistic communication about how ell or not a child is doing. No I didn’t appreciate to be told in Y6 that my dc was struggling wth his English and was quite behind when I had been asking about it for several years and was always told things were fine...
I would also have appreciated to actually have had really sauport form the teachers whe I asked HOW I cold support dc to learn spelling/improve his English when all the techniques I knew about hadn’t worked.

Fwiw I did thank two teachers that have been fantastic with dc. One of them a few years after she actually had dc in her class. I know she really appreciated it and I’ve kept the card she sent me afterwards.

Primary School I'm assuming ...
Homework - tables, spellings, reading and the occasional bit of fact-finding and project work is fine. Endless, painful book reviews, masses of maths worksheets and 10 dioramas a term are not ok. They are much less fine too when the teacher doesn't take the time to mark them. I don't agree with TAs marking work if they're not up to it (no disrespect to them, but some have worse grammar and spelling than the kids) and peer marking of things that they've sweated over at home is really demotivating. I'm not keen on the over-use of 'well-behaved or clever child partnered with disruptive or less able child' tactics - it seemed quite frustrating to both parties involved. Discipline - punishments that fit the crime. I think this is more of a problem in secondary, but there is a huge reaction to anything 'cyber' and lots of downplaying of physical violence/bullying in RL - and schools need to be much clearer on their stance and their sanctions so everyone knows where they stand.
This all comes from someone who thinks their schools are doing a great job in difficult circumstances btw.

to parents

If you have given the school a number to contact you in an emergency, please answer it or update it if necessary.

Parents-
Are there improvements in the classroom that you would like to see?

The children being listened too and treated respectfully. Especially when they have finally plucked up the courage to talk about something they have been worried about for months.

More/less homework?
This is very subjective. Class by class and teacher by teacher.
Currently I want my year 4 child to have weekend homework. And less in the week.
I would like my year 2 child to not have to do 'project' type homework at the weekend. Just send home a worksheet.

More support in helping your children’s education?

Explain the jargon.
Apart from that, you have them (in primary) for all their waking hours. You'll have to do all the education. We feed, wash, dress, sleep and transport. (We might have a couple of hours at the weekend to play.)

I work in a school office, I wish parents would

• stop being rude to us. If you're child is injured or ill at school, guess who it is who does the first aid? Can we have a bit of respect.
• don't send sick children in. I earn a bloody pittance already I really can't do with catching stomach bugs
• please at least attempt to be organised in the morning. I have an actual heavy workload to do but never get anything done as I'm buzzing you through various gates and delivering forgotten back packs to little Jonny. They're primary age there is nothing even in their back packs!
• read letters and fill out forms clearly. It's such a waste of time for us to call you to check tiny details for trips.
• not liking cheesy pasta or ketchup isn't an allergy and no I will not put it on the allergy list with life threatening conditions.

I could rant all day tbh, I find parents really hard to work with and am considering leaving.

Give proper notice for school events. I have to give a months notice to get annual leave, so no point telling me 2 or 3 weeks in advance.

@notready good point. I would really like to say that a thank you, cards, and presents are very much appreciated. We really do care about your children. We spend a huge amount of time with them and know them pretty well. At the end of the year it is heartbreaking saying goodbye.
Also, going a bit off the thread now but if you have a very young child going to a children’s centre. Usually 4 and under and has a key person, please don’t forget the other members of staff. They do the same amount of work with your child as the KP, sometimes more. Even if it’s just a card, don’t forget about them please.

Oh yes, and if a child is crying hysterically saying another child bit them, maybe take a look at where they say they were bitten and see how bad it is, rather than assuming it was nothing.

Stop making extra work for parents

• projects (till they are old enough to do it themselves ie not infants)
• Mufti / fancy dress days

Communication - our school uses parent mail - we need to read the email, log into parent mail, open the email on parent mail, download the attachment, read the attachment - only to find it's something not relevant but because the original em ail subject was 'letter from Mr ☓' you have to go through the whole palaver. Then old emails on parent mail get randomly deleted by the school, often before the event (eg school trip) has taken place, so you can't check the details

Go out at playtimes/lunchtimes and don't leave it all to the dinnerladies.

Some are great, some are just there to chat and will ignore much that goes on. Train them properly. Get them playing games with the children.

Watch for the lonely/unhappy ones.

I work in a school and have 2 children at different schools.

My school (primary)

• more lunchtime supervisors
• some understanding about SN, there are certain staff who frequently have to be reminded that the children are not doing it on purpose, or for who 'well they need to do the same work/follow the same rules as everyone else' simply isn't realistic.
• Parents, please check your child's contact book regularly, and your emails/newsletters.

DDs school (primary)

• The point of a bullying policy is to follow it, it doesn't magically stop bullying by existing.
• Parentmail is great but you can actually send out one message with many things on.
• I will happily give you £2 not to make them wear tacky ties, whacky waistcoats, hilarious hats or whatever crap it is this month. Can't we just have own clothes day? she already has clothes.

DS's school (secondary)

• better communication. Teenage DS communicates entirely in grunts and strops. you cannot rely on him telling me anything.

TA here; my school sends out weekly letters via email, notice board and in book bags. Certain parents never check the book bags and then moan when they don't know it's non-uniform day no excuse.
Same parents constantly late for drop offs or pick ups. Often the same children who always seem to be off sick. Even more annoying the parent who sends their child with no coat or spare clothes in case of accidents.
Also a dinner lady and the amount of key stage 2 children who need help to cut up their dinner is baffling.
Being school ready isn't just numbers and phonics it's being able to listen to instructions, being toilet trained (including ability to wipe own bottom - not including nursery and sen children) fasten own coat, using cutlery at dinner time etc.
As a parent though I find it irritating when the school menu gets updated late or it's advertised as cheese for the sandwich option then a grumpy ds comes home hungry as he was given tuna instead because the cook can't read