To ask how you ever learn to trust after infidelity

[helloworld2012]

My soon to be ex DH lied to me for years, cheated on me with an 18 year old girl and left me for her.

I just can't get over the betrayal and humiliation. I feel like the most naïve idiot in the world for not having a clue what was going on!

A lot of friends have opened up to me with their own stories over the past few months and I'm disgusted at how many people - men and women - have been unfaithful. Now I really feel like I can never trust anyone ever again. I feel like any man I ever get with will do the same to me, if he's given half the chance.

I don't want to fee this way. I've always been trusting and not at all jealous or suspicious in relationships, I just wonder how on earth you move on from this and learn to trust someone new?

It may not be what u want to hear but once trust has been shattered, (for me) that's it. Like you I know of SO many people who have cheated. I really think it happens more than most people realise.

Of course there will be exceptions but the people that say "My OH would never cheat on me, he doesn't have the time/inclination/things are perfect.." I'm envious and wish I could have that 100% trust again.

I will never trust anyone fully again. Sad isn't it...

That's exactly how I feel. I think now ANYONE is capable of cheating. I know lots of people don't, but I was one of those people who said to the very last day of my marriage - even the minute before he admitted what he'd been doing - 'my DH would NEVER cheat on me. He says he wouldn't, I know when he's lying, he has morals, he wouldn't do that to me, he doesn't have the time or the energy...blah blah blah!'

And it turns out the one man I put my entire trust in broke it so easily. Now he's off with his new girlfriend and I'm the one who's going to suffer for the rest of my life with trust issues.

I wonder if it would help for me to see a professional about it.

I'm so sorry OP. It's a horrible horrible thing.

I'm just desensitised to it now which is depressing in itself. Another woman came out of the woodwork for me sending me screenshots of text convos my OH had sent her, I ended up laughing about it. And the fact she was fooled by him saying "oh that woman on Instagram with my surname and loads of pictures of me? No no that's not my wife - don't know her". How she so easily accepted that lie is a huge part of the problem.

One thing you can take some comfort from is that he'll probably do it to his new gf as well 🙄

And it REALLY isn't a reflection on you. It's him that has the issues.

I'd like to think there are people out there that will be faithful - there must be, I'm one of them! But with the modern Facebook social media era it's easier than ever to be unfaithful