To still feel quite resentful about some of my teachers?

[Mistywintermornings]

I have name changed here.

Before I start, I recognise that this was a totally different era. I started school in 1986, did my GCSES in 1998 and A levels in 2000 so obviously it was a long time ago. And many of my teachers were lovely people and very kind, patient and encouraging.

But I did have some really bad ones. My y6 teacher was awful. When I look back, I realise how disturbing his behaviour actually was. I had a friend at the time who was very manipulative - she’d be unkind to me and bully me a bit, really, but if I tried to ‘escape’ and play with other girls, she’d cry and beg and scream. He wouldn’t let me move away from her in class, even though she kept getting me into trouble. But worse than that, he’d single me out repeatedly in class and tell me off for nothing and give me a lunch time detention and then he’d tell me off until I was crying and then cuddle me and touch me. I now realise it was a form of grooming but at the time I barely knew what periods were (my parents never told me anything about sex, not even the basics of puberty) so I had no idea that an adult might want to hurt a child. I believed I was a terrible person for getting into so much trouble so I was scared to tell my parents.

At secondary school my mum rang up to complain about one of my teachers and she should not have done that and I didn’t tell her to. But the teacher took it out on me. She made me sit completely alone at the front for the full year I had her (this was year 7) and she once blamed me for ripping a poster in the room. I was a very polite child at the time and I definitely tried to politely explain I hadnt done it and I remember her backing me into a corner and screaming right in my face (I remember she covered me in spit!) until I was crying and saying sorry, sorry over and over just to get her to stop.

They were only two bad eggs but they both really massively affected my time at school. I had such a rocky y6/y7 transition and I was always thought of as a difficult child and I wasn’t

I know it’s stupid. I’ve been clearing out some stuff and looking through some old photos.

Yes and I say that as a teacher.
Some amazing ones. Others who clearly had their favourites and offered little encouragement.

I hated school for a variety of reasons. But there are a couple of teachers that I still remember for all the wrong reasons. I’m astonished at how they were even more so now that I am a teacher! I can’t understand why you would do the job if you weren’t there to nurture and care about the students!

There definitely were some bad eggs - I hope there are fewer now.

I am older than you. I'm in my mid-forties. In most ways, I consider myself a tolerant, and reasonably kind person.

But.... a few years ago I heard that my year 2 teacher had cancer, and my first thought was 'serves them right'*. She was an appalling bully - she'd select two or three children every year who could do no wrong, and two or three who could do no right. I don't even know which group of children were more harmed by this. Everyone knew who are pets and pests were - not just in class but parents of the surrounding classes. She loathed me with a vengeance. She resented everything I did.

I remember one incident clearly - she read 'The Selfish Giant' to the class, and asked who the little boy was at the end. I put my hand up and said 'Jesus' (my mum had read me the story). She shouted at me that I was blasphemous, and Jesus was an adult, because she didn't want me to be right. Which rather buggered up the rest of the lesson for her, and she left the story sharpish.

*Yes, the adult in me knows that nobody deserves cancer - it was simply my first thought.

There's still bad ones now. That's life I suppose. My DS has had some crappy ones but I suppose my view is skewed as he has an asd and some teachers dealt with it badly. Sorry that you had bad experiences.

Sorry to hear about your experiences. I'm a (primary school) teacher and was a safeguarding officer for a long time.

On a serious note, is your year 6 teacher still teaching? What happened to you is very serious. Feel free to pm me if you want guidance taking this forward.

Well I can remember the nun and that was 60 years ago 😪

Sometimes I think they are not even aware of the impact they are having on a child. I had to speak to one of dd's teachers recently as dd was scared shitless of her and her fear was increasing by the week. Teacher was really shocked to hear the impact her approach was having on dd and she modified her approach and dd is now much happier in her class.

There have always been crap teachers and unfortunately there always will be, some people are just not meant to work with children. My dd tells me about various rubbish teachers she has that end up teaching her nothing, however her school is 10 times better than mine was, we had no opportunities for anything and most of us couldn't wait to leave.

Jonsey as daft as it sounds I don’t think it once crossed my mind just how wrong it was until well into my twenties. I have from time to time nosed around various google,searches and can’t find anything. It was 1992/1993 and while he wasn’t old, he definitely had a daughter who was about 17 so I imagine he must have been in his 40s then, possibly even early fifties so I can’t imagine he’s still teaching.

My brother had him too and remembers some odd things, nothing sexually inappropriate but he remembers him flying into rages over silly pranks, which I remember too. We also all had to get changed for pe in front of him and boys in the room, don’t know if that was normal then, I think it probably was.

YANBU to feel sad about what happened to you. School is such a big part of childhood. My parents were very much of the view that school was to be supported no matter what and kept their ears closed to any concerns.

Do you have DCs yourself now Mistywintermornings? You cant change the past but you can use it to help your own DCs. Be open with them, encourage them to talk and you listen.

The school system now is different. We have had to raise concerns with the school and they have been dealt with (albeit quite slowly).

Yanbu. I was extremely quiet and shy as a kid. I was also very unhappy, kept my feelings to myself. I was a model pupil really, well behaved, polite and clever. I remember a boy who bullied me started teasing me in class one day and I lost it, shouted at him and just sobbed and couldn't stop. The teacher took me into an empty classroom, left me there, after a while she came in to shout at me to stop crying and threatening to call my parents. I was terrified and all it taught me was to try and hide my feelings better and become mute and to self harm to cope. It upsets me now because it must have been so unusual to see me react like that and if she had only tried to talk to me and ask what was wrong I could have actually got some help early on instead of then living with depression and anxiety till my mid-late twenties.

There was one truly atrocious bully in my secondary school. He didnt just bully students, he bullied staff as well. Everyone was so cowed by him that his bullying was never dealt with.

The problem was that he was perceived by some parents as a strict disciplinarian.

Outside of school he ran a boys' club and parents of difficult children would happily send their sons to it.

In his 70s he was finally jailed for historic sexual offences against young boys. Very few people were surprised.

I went to a private convent school in the late 70s and the headmistress (a nun) was really nasty to me. I was very much her scapegoat, I got the blame for everything. At other times, she touched me inappropriately. (It was abusive of course but there were other far worse things happening to me at the time so it didn't occur to me to question it.)

She said to my DM once, which I only found out much later, 'Of course, she's not a girl who will pass a public examination.' Now I have two 2:1 degrees and after the first one I did feel a very real measure of 'up yours' lol. I would have liked to wave the degree certificate in her face. I said this to a friend, who said, 'You shouldn't bear grudges.'

Sadly, some teachers go into teaching because it's a power trip to them, not because they care about the children. I'm sorry you had 2 teachers who were so appalling to you, OP. I would agree with the PP that you should consider whether the teacher who groomed you might still be teaching and you could report it. You just need to say what happened to you so that it will be on record.

to you

You are not alone.

My teachers destroyed my chance of getting a good leaving cert. I wasn't allowed in to the higher streamed class because I was in the lowest form. I was in the lowest form because I was in so many bottom streamed subjects. They just put me in all of these forms/classes with no assessment. I went to an international school and they put me in an English class with mostly foreigners. I am not kidding. And I was good at English. I was destroyed after two years in that school.

I have tried to completely forget about it but every now and then I think about the slightly better life I'd have had, easier, better paid, better qualified, more respect, more confidence etc if only I hadn't been branded thick and BARRED from the classes I wanted to do because I was in the bottom stream. Teachers I had there were all rubbish even though school charged fees. I should have stayed home and had some 1 to 1 tuition from GOOD tutors.

lizzie48 that attitude is very hard too. They shrug, ''don't bear grudges''. I was ground in to the ground and branded and it sapped my confidence and it has affected everything about my adult life. To this day I think the 'shape' of my adult life is different than it would have been if I'd been encouraged to meet my potential by kind and good teachers. It is very hard to completely forget about that.

You're ''lucky'' that you were motivated to go and get two degrees. I just thought ''well if I'm struggling now how would i cope with college''

YANBU of course.

I would say though that despite 2 horrible ones you must have had dozens of nice ones? I would hold a grudge though against the mean ones. I’m still trying to hunt one down who was horrible to me and I feel affected my confidence a lot.

I was lucky mostly with teachers and I had some lovely ones whom I adored when I was a little girl. However, there were a couple in my secondary school who I think, looking back, were raving mad. I don't think that there were the same checks done years ago, and teachers could more or less do whatever they wanted.

YANBU. Things which happen to us during our childhood/formative years often stay with us. I was quiet and shy, didn't dare say boo to a goose, reinforced by a bullying father and a peace-keeping mother.

The PE teacher at my secondary school (late 1960's) was a bitch of the highest order. She was horrible and for some reason was particularly horrible to me, why? I've no idea. She just took against me for some reason. Public humiliation was her favourite tool. I've often harboured fantasies about revenge and I can still see her mean little face even now. Would I push her down the stairs and break her neck if I got the chance? I often think that I would if I get away with it.

I'll never forget the teacher who wouldn't let me go to the toilet and I pissed myself, age 5. 😠

This is a bit more than a crap teacher or "bad egg". I'm sorry you went through that.

Charizma, I was motivated then, but I haven't managed to forge out a career for myself. I'm a SAHM with 2 school age adopted DDs (8 and 5), one of whom has Attachment Disorder so is a real handful. I was infertile, probably because of the abuse I suffered. I suffer from PTSD and I drink too much. I do work for a Christian charity helping Central Asian women who suffer abuse, but it's not paid. I used to work as a legal secretary.

So I haven't really come through it. I actually don't think it's possible to get over this completely, we just cope with it the best way we can.

Yanbu. I am 40 now, but the headmaster of our primary school basically sexually abused most of the girls. It turns my stomach thinking about it now I have a daughter.

Ex pupils have spoken about it on forums and how it was never questioned at all and how we never told our parents because we thought it was 'normal'

One example is he used to get our heads, put it between his crotch, then squeeze his legs together.

I mean, how the FUCK, is that normal!!!,

I'll never forget the teacher who wouldn't let me go to the toilet and I pissed myself, age 5

Someone close to me was not allowed to use the toilet on purpose so they would mess themselves, female teacher then used the excuse of helping them change to assault them. A lot more to it than that but because of the messing themselves they were then subsequently bullied throughout their entire school life (including secondary). They still suffer the affects of this today and it pains me that it went unreported.

Same school, different teacher ... I must have been about 6 or 7, I noticed that two children were always in trouble. It puzzled me because they were the sweetest children and I couldn't understand why they were always kept in at lunch time. The teacher would scream at them that they were lazy children and that they never finished their work. Both children left during that school year. During secondary school I went back to do work experience at my old school and the same teacher was still there, I was about 13 years old. Again there seemed to be a child she had taken a strong dislike to, a child she would call lazy and keep in at lunch time. It only dawned on me some time later that these children were the only children who were not white

Same school and again a different teacher. Headmaster was sexually abusing a child (possibly more but I only know of one). Child tells their mother. Mother puts in a complaint or reports it to someone, not sure who. Deputy head, along with several of his brothers, cornered mother on a night out in town and threatened her to drop the complaint and that they will ensure head teacher leaves. Deputy head now becomes head teacher, head teacher leaves very quickly and quietly and the whole thing is swept under the rug.

Some real fucking arseholes in my old school and I WISH that I could out every fucking one of them for what they've done. I still see some in town acting like they're upstanding members of the community.

I don’t think toilet accidents are a good thing to share