To think that our society is overly individualistic?

[malificent7]

Everyone seems out for themselves.

People seem to hate sharing judging by the benefit bashing threads and yet we try and encourafe our kids to share.

Instead we love to judge others for their bad choices and congratulate ourselves for being successful ( hardworking but also through luck.)

Kids are supposed to fly the nest as far away as possible and make loads of cash. Eastern Europeans at least send their hard earned money home to help relatives but that wouldnt be common in the uk.

My family can ve a bit toxic but i find it hard to be seoeeate completely from them. They support me to an extent.

Then i will prob have to make gard decisions about their care.

Aibu to feel tgat the Thatcherite ideal of the individual over society orevails. Its a bit sad when you compare us to tribes and family orientated sicieties ( although it has advantages such as being able to folliw your own path.)

We clearly resent helping each other financially ,since 2008 crash especially..

Prevails sorry

It's very easy to see why though.
When times are tough it's easy with a bit of prodding in the right direction to rip into others.
For eg.
You've got 2 kids, you and your Dh are working opposite shifts and never really having time together to avoid a £1600 a month childcare bill. You can't afford a pot to piss in anyway. Presents are modest if a all and you can barely make the rent.

The daily fail tells you that a mum with 16 kids who's never worked is spending £500 a child at Christmas (or some such similar scenario) even though it's admitted most of It is on credit. = instant hatred for benefit claimants.

Community doesn't really exist anymore (IME) in several parts of the UK.
We're all too busy judging each other, or considering reporting a single mum for benefit fraud if her boyfriend comes over for a week (which is perfectly fine, the 3 nights rule is a myth, its about being financially and legally seperate, eg where their dvla stuff goes, if they pay council tax elsewhere etc etc etc)

Why is it wrong to look out for ones own self and close family first? Or are you saying women should stay at home and play wife to everyone else, even if you dont like them?

YANBU.

Western society is very individualistic compared to (some) nom-western cultures, who are more about extended family and community.

You see it a lot on mumsnet. Very quick with the ‘go no-contact’, ‘our little family’, ‘tell your neighbour to sod off’ type of stuff.

The government encourages people to judge and hate each other, it takes the focus off them.

By making the population poor people automatically start looking after themselves rather than others.

By making the population poor people automatically start looking after themselves rather than others.

That is definitely a factor in the UK. But I think it goes deeper than that. It’s a very ingrained cultural thing.

The people I’m thinking of live in very poor communities in Asian countries. Their governments are corrupt and social security is virtually nonexistent. They are far poorer than anyone in the UK. But they look out for each other (bring food to sick and elderly neighbours, etc) because their culture is collectivist, not individualist.

By making the population poor

The UK population is one of of he richest in the world, so someone has a hidden agenda!

Aibu to feel tgat the Thatcherite ideal of the individual over society orevails.

It wasn't Thatcher who introduced this concept into the UK. Neoliberalism was simply a reframing of laissez-faire liberalism, which took off in the 1920s.

It's a cultural thing, and is inherently tied in with many other aspects of our culture. It has considerable benefits: the promotion of self-confidence, entrepreneurialism, responsibility, and learning from mistakes. You don't get that anywhere near as much in collective cultures.

I agree the celebration of community has been replace with the celebration of individualism. Some say it is a result of post modernist philosophy while others say it is the result of unfettered capitalism recreating the gilded age of monopoly and exploitation.

I don't think individualistic means what you think it does.

Self-reliance is a good thing though. It's admirable to want to support you and yours. Expecting the state to do it is what's wrong with so many these days.

Blaming the government for "hating each other" or judging is taking it to the extreme. Be responsible for yourself and stop looking for someone to blame.

People seem to hate sharing judging by the benefit bashing threads and yet we try and encourafe our kids to share.

Is this really about our 'individualistic' society and people not wanting to 'share'?

Or is it about you and your Dad and the fact that he doesn't want to keep 'sharing' any more of his money with you?

Instead we love to judge others for their bad choices and congratulate ourselves for being successful ( hardworking but also through luck.)

We clearly resent helping each other financially ,since 2008 crash especially..

Again, who is the 'we' here?

You are making this all sound very general but I've read enough of your threads to know that it's probably rather more personal.

My family can ve a bit toxic but i find it hard to be seoeeate completely from them. They support me to an extent.

You spend quite a bit of time obsessing over how toxic and controlling your father is, but it sounds to me as though he's doing his best to find the balance between supporting you and trying to make you take responsibility for yourself and your own finances.

If you truly believe your Dad to be toxic then go no contact with him. But that means no more financial safety net. Your choice.

Wow! I wish I'd done a quick search like @Astrid. It does put a very new perspective on things.

Yet I see all my friends and family sharing best they can. Grandparents doing full time childcare, supper meal preps, housecleaning, and of course helping with home purchases.