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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask DS' "girl-friend" to leave

40 replies

mehimthem · 21/01/2018 03:13

Back story - youngest DS is 27 & still shares our home, he has a separate door to that end of our house, & currently is working very long hours so we often dont see him for days. All good. He organises his own meals mostly & when not working is usually out with friends or asleep. This morning though (7.30 am Sunday in NZ) he chatted with me for a bit before he left for work, then said he had a friend (girl) staying & she would be leaving soon. Also fine (I dont mind as long as he respects that its our home too). Anyway, fast forward to just after lunch & I realise theres music playing from his room so knock & see girl still in bed, on phone, & ask how long she might be staying. After about 40 mins or so, she appears in our lounge room & we chat - a bit stilted & awkward - while she waits for a ride home. So, was I being rude thinking that she should/could have been gone in the nearly 5 hours since her partner, our son left to go to work, in someone elses home. I'm starting to wonder if I should have just left it but wanted to go do stuff in that part of house (spare bedroom is sewing space) & then I end up feeling awkward in my own home. Thanks,

OP posts:

Biker47 · 21/01/2018 10:02

OP did nothing wrong, it's their house, and they didn't know the person. Ignore the people saying you should be making them breakfast and running them a bath, doing her laundry and shit like that, people saying that are deluded, it's not your problem, it's your house.

HuskyMcClusky · 21/01/2018 10:15

I don’t think the woman thought she was lounging around in the OP’s house. I’d guess she thought she was lounging around in the OP’s son’s house, which she assumed was self-contained.

Pengggwn · 21/01/2018 10:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PhuntSox · 21/01/2018 10:24

Just start hoovering in the room. No need for a chat then!

PeacefulBlessing · 21/01/2018 10:30

Poor girl, how awkward she must have

If he is 27, then she is unlikely to be a 'girl'. She's more likely to be a woman who should really 'get it'.

BashStreetKid · 21/01/2018 10:31

Why would you knock on his bedroom door and ask his guest how long she’s staying

Why wouldn't you, especially several hours after her host had left? OP is entitled to privacy and peace of mind, and indeed freedom to come and go without worrying about leaving a total stranger with free run of the house.

Slartybartfast · 21/01/2018 10:54

i am surprised this is the first time this type of encounter has happened. I think you should chalk it up to experience and be glad he has a girlfriend. let her feel welcome op,

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 21/01/2018 11:00

I think she was rude. Next time, tell your DS to drop his girlfriends off, on his way to work, problem solved.

Viviennemary · 21/01/2018 11:07

I don't really blame the girl. You need to find out what he said to her. Possibly he said just get up when you're ready my parents won't mind. I think he should be starting to look for his own place.

Trills · 21/01/2018 12:01

I’d guess she thought she was lounging around in the OP’s son’s house, which she assumed was self-contained.

Yes. This. I expect he hadn't explained quite how much he was "Living with his parents" rather than living independently.

Millerr · 21/01/2018 12:15

I think you need to speak to your son about your son about this. If you are not comfortable with guests being in the house when he isn’t then he needs to know this and needs to make sure they are gone. Equally, if he is not happy with this he needs to speak to you and possibly look at living elsewhere.

I live with four of my brothers, three of which are over 18. It’s just me and my brothers and my DS in the house - no parents. FWIW we often have ‘strange’ women in rooms after people have gone to work. We all treat them as guests, let them sleep in as long as they want and if it’s got to around 1pm and we haven’t heard anything then will knock on the door and offer towels for a shower, food etc. I personally wouldn’t ask someone when they were leaving however I do understand why you did.

As I said above, you need to speak to your son about this and work out what works for both of you.

Original poster

mehimthem · 22/01/2018 06:59

haha, many thanks for all the comments. Am completely happy with the choice I made to knock on the door & ask her what I did ... & DS has today, a bit sheepishly, apologised as he thought too that his friend was leaving soon after he went off to work yesterday.

But - he's an adult & while I have met other friends of his (not in his bedroom lol) , he is entitled to the private use of his room - but it seems that this was a misunderstanding on this friends part to stay & stay ... & stay. But we are mutually agreed that he has to find a flat soon - busy work season (farming stuff) so hopefully soon.

OP posts:

norfolkenclue · 22/01/2018 07:15

He's 27 and living at home, paying board etc, so presumably you've seen overnight guests before, no? It's hardly out of the realms of possibility that he has girls staying...I couldn't get worked up about this to be honest...and I'd never embarrass a girl like you did. She wasn't exactly parading through your kitchen naked was she 🙄. Get a grip...and offer her breakfast!

demirose87 · 22/01/2018 07:31

I think she was rude. I don't get why she'd stay lying in bed hours after he'd gone knowing it wasn't his house and there were other peiple around. She should have left shortly after he did.

buckeejit · 22/01/2018 21:10

She was rude. Ltr would be very different-I'd have knocked on a lot sooner!

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