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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ill Friend

12 replies

Irishgurl · 20/01/2018 21:32

Ist time posting so hope that I am doing this correctly.
I met a mum through school runs about ten years ago. Lovely lady, well educated and professional, great with her children. She was quite a lot older than me and at first I didn't think we would be friends as we seemed so different. She was a joy to get to know and when we went through a family tragedy she was one of the kindest of people. She knew exactly what to say and do and I am eternally grateful. Children then went to different schools, we all started working more and contact dwindled to Christmas cards. A year ago I bumped into her out shopping and we arranged to meet for coffee later in the month. The next day she contacted me and explained that she had been diagnosed with an aggressive cancer in stage 3. It was not terminal but would need serious treatment and she hadn't been able to talk about it when we met as I had my youngest son with me. We met up several times and I tried to be supportive with notes and texts etc. I haven't had any reply since end of November. I sent a Christmas card and did not hear back. I'm torn between thinking her health is worse or that she is just busy with so much on her plate. We have very few friends in common so can't check if she is ok by asking someone else. AIBU in ringing her when it might be invading her privacy and she might just feel too busy to keep in touch? Thank you for reading.

OP posts:
Stickerrocks · 20/01/2018 21:43

I would either drop her a text message or send her a card, saying you're thinking of her and would love to meet up again whenever she feels up to it. If she doesn't reply, it almost certainly Isn't personal.

Creasey31 · 20/01/2018 21:45

Do what you think best I don’t think she would take offence. She may be seriously ill and have other things going on.

KarmaStar · 20/01/2018 21:50

Hi OP,
She sounds like a genuine person and she got back in contact with you so clearly thinks of you as a friend.
Therefore I would not suggest she has been ignoring you.
I'd ,in your position,ring her and if nobody answers,leave a light hearted,caring message.
I am sure she,or a member of her family will come back to you soon.
I hope it turns out that your friend is as well as possible.🌻

Sarahjconnor · 20/01/2018 21:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aeroflotgirl · 20/01/2018 22:01

I would call her, she might not have replied as her health has seriously deterioated, or she is feeling down.

Tistheseason17 · 20/01/2018 22:16

I don't think she's ignoring you.
A card may be a nice idea x

CrochetBelle · 20/01/2018 22:22

Am guessing you have checked for a presence on social media?
I'd give her a call. If she's not able to chat, I'm sure you leaving a message would make her smile.

Flowers
Irishgurl · 21/01/2018 14:45

Thank you for all the replies. I am quite surprised that the system actually works and I'm really touched by the replies.She doesn't use social media for anything more than class communications. I have tried all the usual texting and card ideas. It's not that I am worried about being ignored but I am worried as to what the silence could mean in terms of her health.I would hate to think that she is really poorly and not getting any help. I will try and ask around quietly on the grapevine but I am nervous as I don't think she told everyone about her illness as she is afraid of the children (both teens) realizing the gravity of the situation. Just such a wonderful woman and I don't think she is aware of how much people think of her and would want to help.

OP posts:
Irishgurl · 31/01/2018 08:02

So I kept texting without directly asking questions. Just wrote about a funny incident from years ago that I had remembered, asked about the start of term etc. No replies until today. And yes it is bad news and the cancer is back for her big time. Obviously she needed time to process it herself with her family. Now she is ready to accept help. Thank you for being a sounding board when I couldn't speak to people in real life and risk invading her privacy.

OP posts:
CrochetBelle · 31/01/2018 08:25

I'm so sorry to hear she is ill again. I hope she manages to kick its arse. Shes lucky to have a friend like you Flowers

Member984815 · 31/01/2018 09:36

My daughter's friend is currently having treatment , she texts her every second day but gets no reply . I tell her keep texting and she will reply when she is ready . I think hearing about all the things they are doing at school and trips they are going on might be hard for her to hear about . It's a rotten time for her and her family .

Twogoround · 31/01/2018 10:20

I had freind like this. I Meagher on thus . She said come round I did the following day also msg other freinds . When round on Friday as did another freind. She died on Monday.
So please visit this freind now if that is what she wants .

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