Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband late home

42 replies

MrsAC1 · 20/01/2018 19:15

Would like to know aibu please. Last night my husband was working and it got to when he is normally home so i text him to ask where he was. I have asked him many times to let me know if he is going to be late as he was unfaithful to me just over a year ago and I'm still struggling to trust him. He said max half an hour to be home. He arrived an hour later. I was angry with him as i think he could have easily sent a text to let me know he would be even later. Work is a ten minute walk from our house.
As a result of arguing about this he left the house and disappeared he didn't answer his phone until 2 this afternoon and arrived home at 3pm. He days he was at a party and then walked around town.
I was stuck at home with my ill toddler and 11 week old baby. He has gone to bed early as he is too tired to help with the babies. Aibu to be angry as he seems to think i am? What would you do in this situation?

OP posts:
Idontdowindows · 20/01/2018 19:17

You don't trust him, he doesn't particularly care about getting your trust back.

He thinks disappearing is ok to do.

I don't see any positives here.

ColinFlower · 20/01/2018 19:19

Confused very confusing behaviour. He sounds like a bit of a headfuck.

stickytoffeevodka · 20/01/2018 19:19

I think you were unreasonable to be angry he was half an hour later than he told you he would be. It's so easy to get caught up talking to someone when you're trying to leave work on time.

But he is massively unreasonable to storm out and not come back until 3pm the following day. That's actually really controlling because it means you have no choice but to stay with the kids until he decides to show his face. My ex used to pull similar stunts - it's really controlling behaviour - like a power-play.

Has he apologised for being more unreasonable than a hungry toddler?

Calvinlookingforhobbs · 20/01/2018 19:21

LTB. and I don’t say that lightly.

Original poster
MrsAC1 · 20/01/2018 19:44

I think i was being unreasonable to be angry at half an hour later but it's not the first time it has happened. He has not apologised and i doubt he will as he doesn't see the problem

OP posts:
Emilybrontescorsett · 20/01/2018 19:50

You don't trust him and to be fair he isn't doing the right things to make you trust him,
Do you want to spend years feeling this way?

Kitsharrington · 20/01/2018 20:13

He should be moving heaven and earth to make you trust him again. Instead his actions show he doesn’t care whether you do or not. Is this how you want t spend the rest of your life?

Ilovecoleslaw · 20/01/2018 20:27

You'd be better on your own op

Sparklesocks · 20/01/2018 20:41

He sounds selfish and closed off, he’s not being open with you and he’s happy to leave you to sort out the kids as he can’t be bothered.

I know it’s a big thing to say, but I don’t think you should be with him. You deserve someone who respects you - he doesn’t

MyBrilliantDisguise · 20/01/2018 20:43

He sounds an absolute bastard. You must feel like you're going mad living with him. You deserve so much better.

SorenLorensonsInvisibleFriend · 20/01/2018 20:48

He's acting out as he feels oppressed by your lack of trust in him. You're angry because you feel he's not doing anything to earn your trust and in fact, damaging it further.

Communicate or let it die.

Pippa12 · 20/01/2018 20:55

He's unreasonable, both my dh and i send a courtesy text if we are running late home from work. I would have big trust issues if my dh had been unfaithful- reconciliation would be a no go for me due to my personality.

He's disappearing act would be grounds to call it quits for me alone.

Good luck op
WineFlowers

Deshasafraisy · 20/01/2018 21:06

You’ll never trust him again. It’s a horrible way to live your life, he sounds like a douchebag.
LTB

Jb291 · 20/01/2018 21:08

He was unfaithful to you a year ago. This for me would have been the end of the relationship. I believe strongly that once a man has been unfaithful and you've taken them back then they see it as carte Blanche to do it again.

The fact that he has behaved suspiciously and been very late home would have been the end of any trust whatsoever. The fact that the selfish bastard has gone off to bed and left you to look after your two very small children one of whom is a newborn would make me reach for the phone and ask for an appointment with a solicitor to get the ball rolling on a divorce. He has shown you he can't be trusted and he has clearly checked out of your relationship and if he isn't already being unfaithful he is clearly looking for opportunities to do so.

Tistheseason17 · 20/01/2018 21:29

I don't think YWBU.
My DH and I tell each other if we're going to be late.
He was an hour late in the end and then disappeared.
Sorry, but I think he was repeating past behaviour. Who walks around town for hours when they have a home and babies?
Where are his efforts to reassure you in your vulnerable state? He's an arse Flowers

sparklepops123 · 20/01/2018 21:34

He’d see the problem very quickly if he was at home with two kids by himself

Booboobooboo84 · 20/01/2018 21:36

Ask him to leave. You don’t trust him. He doesn’t want you to trust him. Yes maybe you overreacted initially but also he cheated on you. And if he wants you to trust him he would either have contacted you or apologised immediately for worrying you

Mitel · 20/01/2018 22:25

It sounds like you have trust issues. Have you tried giving him a bit of space, and letting him come to you when he is ready? If you are really controlling over things like a bit of time keeping then you will drive him away and won't make him happy. Communication is the key. Ģood luck!!

AnotherDunroamin · 20/01/2018 22:36

It sounds like you have trust issues.
The guy cheated on her! She doesn't have "trust issues"; she has justifiable boundaries in order for him to earn her trust back.
The problem isn't her "issues", its that he doesn't seem to realise that he forfeited his right to "a bit of space" when he broke a legally binding contract cheated.

streetlife70s · 21/01/2018 04:03

It’s always a bad idea to forgive a cheat. If he didn’t respect you emough to stay faithful the first time he sure as hell won’t respect you not to do it again if you forgave him.

He sounds like arse regardless anyway. “Too tired” to parent his kids when you need him because he went for a little jolly round town Hmm

You should have LTB the first time.

duckponds · 21/01/2018 04:17

You have every right to have ‘trust issues’, who wouldn’t!
Where did he go? Have you checked up from others that he was at this so called party?
Also, you have a toddler and an 11 month old and yet he cheated on you a year ago?! That’s disgusting and you should seriously consider whether it is worth staying with him

Jobjobjob · 21/01/2018 04:35

t sounds like you have trust issues. Have you tried giving him a bit of space, and letting him come to you when he is ready? If you are really controlling over things like a bit of time keeping then you will drive him away and won't make him happy. Communication is the key. Ģood luck

Did you read the OP? Bloody hell make him unhappy?! He had an affair last year did that make OP happy? Drive him away? He should be kicked out!

Leyani · 21/01/2018 04:43

I wondered what your choice of wording in the op tells us about your relationship. Left me with MY ill toddler and baby. HELP with the babies. So is he not dad? If he is, then he’s not doing his parenting job. Nothing to do with helping or your kids, it’s looking after his kids. He can’t just disappear for hours without being contactable, imagine you had done the same - if it’s ok for one then it must be ok for the other - and left your two kids on their own?

Of course if he’s not dad then the situation is different.

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/01/2018 05:01

He doesnt think he has done anything wrong, and isnt taking your feelings over his cheating into account either.

He obviously doesnt care about trying to fix things and you cant do it on your own. I think you are done here my love. Flowers

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/01/2018 05:03

It sounds like you have trust issues. Have you tried giving him a bit of space, and letting him come to you when he is ready? If you are really controlling over things like a bit of time keeping then you will drive him away and won't make him happy. Communication is the key. Ģood luck

Fucking handmaidens have been out in force lately.....

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.