To think if I can’t be honest in therapy what’s the point of it

[poppyfieldsinsummer]

My counsellor has said I am too negative and she can’t help me.

I guess it’s best she’s been honest and I do appreciate that. But if I can’t be honest about how I feel doesn’t take negate the point of therapy?

I think that's the difference between counselling and therapy. Therapy you need to want to make some changes.

This is a counsellor.

I'd recommend trying a different counsellor. Very unprofessional to say that. It's fine for him or her to suggest it's not working out and you would be better served elsewhere but not to say something like that. Is s/he BACP accredited?

Ditch the counsellor and find someone who doesn't want you to sweep your feelings under the carpet and ignore them.

I think she's a bad counsellor. How many people does she really see who are all moonbeams and starlight? People don't seek help when they're positive and happy do they?

Try and find someone else.

She sounds dreadful! Try someone else? Try someone who is offering a more specific type of therapy (psychodynamic, CBT, doesn't really matter what as long as they can explain how it works and what they expect if you).

I gave up on psychologists when i got one 10 years ago when i was just 17 turning 18 who was supposed to be a specialist in the Mh issue i have (OCD).
She told me day 1 she could cure me in 6 weeks. Her "cure" was to tell me when i had a crippling obsessional thought and felt the overwhelming need to perform a compulsion/ritual to calm the anxiety, to "just don't do it".
She would set me massive goals that i had to try to achieve in 7 days, b myself, and she would get visibly and audibly angry, disappointed and frustrated when i couldn't just do it. She made me feel worthless, un treatable, and a complete failure, to the point she cut me off from the service saying it was clearly pointless.

I got my new psychotherapist a month ago, and shes brilliant, for the first time in forever i feel like i might just might, be able to make some progress and get a little better. Shes understanding, personable, and empathetic. She was horrified to hear ho the last one treated me, and told me that she was so so sorry i've had such a bad experience and was treted like shit by my former therapist.

Please don't wait 10 years like i did to trust enough to find someone new, there are absolutely bad apples in the system who have no business being in that line of work and it is not you at all that is "too negative", some pairings just honestly don't work.

Absolute best wishes

agree - rubbish counsellor. Look elsewhere, it takes time to find the right person and to develop a therapeutic relationship. And by the way, the fact u r going to counselling means u do have some hope that this will help improve ur situation and u have already invested time in that..so well done for taking that step.

Counselling is a two way thing, you need someone that you feel comfortable with and trust but you also need to work to make progress.

A counsellor saying that they can’t help you because you are too negative could be telling the truth. I would expect them to suggest alternative therapy though.

Just as there are many forms of mental health conditons there are many forms of therapy and, as with medication, sometimes finding the right one takes time.

She sounds rubbish. I had a counsellor, who told me I should be thinking about what I want to do with my life. Pressuring me to do things. All good, you’d think. Except that I have ME and it was severe at that time. I couldn’t look after my dd properly - y’know stuff like stand up to cook for her - so she was in nursery let alone do something with my life. (Severe ME has been likened to the last 4 weeks of stage 4 cancer by a doctor treating both). The stupid woman was frustrated and made out she couldn’t help me further because I wasn’t helping myself. When I think back, I feel angry. Incidentally she was removed abruptly for something unrelated with another client a couple of months later. A safeguarding issue apparently but obviously I wasn’t privy to the finer details.

It’s not you. It’s her. I’ve seen many different people over the years. A couple were rubbish. Others mediocre, some good and now I’m seeing someone in therapy, who really fits. I think as a client you get better in knowing what you want and expect as you get older and gain experience.

Agree with everyone above - find a different counsellor (or consider a therapist). Mine can manage to make me realise that I've got completely lost inside my head and am spiralling into negative thoughts without ever suggesting I'm anything less than worthwhile - so it is possible!!

What a thing to say for a counsellor. It's ok to say it's not working and to offer alternatives, but you are entitled to your negative emotions!