What do you think of this situation?

[pastabakewithcheese]

We moved about a year ago and have winced settled on the road. Neighbours are quiet and keep themselves to themselves but are nice, not many young families on the road.

There's a man who regularly visits the woman who lives about 6 houses down, I assume from what I've seen that he is the father of her 2 kids but he's not always there so I assume he doesn't live there or is registered at the address as he often parks his car on an off street bit of land because he hasn't got a permit for the road.

The woman's never really said hello, and doesn't smile - she's not foreign before anyone asks if this is the reason. But this is where I start to feel uncomfortable about the man's behaviour - he's overly friendly at times. A few examples:

Once I was on the other side of the road about 7 houses away from his house walking with my then 22month DD and she stopped to jump in and out of someone's front garden, she was laughing, I was making it into a game of peekaboo. The same man was smoking in his front garden and he's not even within earshot but was watching us and laughing an almost very overdramatised laugh, a laugh that you had to project to get someone to hear when they're that far away, either to get a bit of attention or to attempt to join in? Did this for a while until I picked DD up and went on my way.

Another time it was snowing and DP and I went outside in the early morning and played a bit in the snow, no one else was outside and we stayed in front of our house, the next time I saw him he mentioned he saw DD (now 2yo) playing in the snow having fun jumping around throwing snowballs etc. So he must have been watching from a window?!

Aside from this every time I cross paths with him since I've moved here, he always smiles and tries to interact with DD, talking to her, and not in the same way as the other neighbour dads do. He'll try and actively approach her and just seems a bit of an over invested interaction which he tries to drag on where the other neighbours just give a quick "hello" or a short passing comment like "look how you've grown!" And then be on their way.

I do feel uncomfortable and just something feels off, don't know if I'm reading into it or if it's mother's intuition?

Overall he does seem like a creepy character anyway and I'm quite worried but I don't really know what to do about how I feel or if I'm just being irrational and unreasonable?!

I understand why you feel like you do but I think you may be overreacting.

If he bothers you then stay away from him and don't respond to his antics. Simple.

I think you're probably over reacting, but if something feels off to you then there's no harm done by keeping your daughter away from him. I also wouldn't let your daughter jump in other peoples gardens.

I'd say that you should trust your instincts and keep your DD close (which you would anyway if she's 2!) but don't voice your concerns to anyone just based on a feeling, that's how lives can be ruined!

I don’t think there’s anything necessarily wrong in what’s he done but when it comes to your children and other adults I think intuition and how people make you feel is really important.
I’ve had situations where someone has made me feel uncomfortable with no real reason but that discomfort is enough justification for me to keep away from them.
I’d just try to give him a wide berth and almost be a bit rude when he interacts with your daughter by moving her away from him and telling him you’ve got to go.

He sounds overly friendly. Not my type of person, but I wouldn't worry about him. It's not like your dd is wandering around alone is It?

Maybe he is just being friendly, likes children or is passing the time of day. Really not sure you need be suspicious. You pay attention to his car, house etc why is he not entitled to do same?

You don’t have to like everyone. Doesn’t sound like he’s done anything wrong, but avoid him if you want.

If I was uncomfortable about a neighbour being too interested in my children, then I’d be doing my best to keep my distance.
Make sure I was always too busy to stop and chat and so on.

It might be an unfounded suspicion but I wouldn’t feel inclined to encourage my children to see him as a friend just in case I was right to find him creepy.

I wonder if it was a woman doing it if that would bother you??

Sounds like nothing tbh.
People can’t even be nice these days without someone thinking something bad.

None of the examples sound over friendly really. Laughing at a game she was playing and mentioning he saw her having fun in the snow? My neighbour is over the top friendly and I find it annoying too. But it’s not sinister

I’m not sure what the woman not smiling has to do with it either?!

The irony of you knowing who the father of her kids are, despite her not talking to you, where he parks and so forth and yet making the astounding comment he must have been looking out of his on windows at you playing in the snow.

I guess you are observant and he's a spying stalker?

Many 'could be's here, from your over active imagination, to someone with a learning disability, to someone who likes children, to fully paid up member of a trafficking ring. But if you think it is untoward, then maybe it is.

What is you AIBU? AIBU to think ill of this man without any facts?

It doesn't sound too bad from what you've written, but no one can tell if he's "creepy" or not without having met him. There's not much you can do other than be vigilant and try and avoid him. I certainly wouldn't be voicing concerns to other neighbours as he hasn't done anything wrong, that wouldn't be fair (not saying that you would anyway).

Trust your instincts! Don’t second guess yourself, especially because you have a child to protect.

The irony of you knowing who the father of her kids are, despite her not talking to you, where he parks and so forth and yet making the astounding comment he must have been looking out of his on windows at you playing in the snow.
Exactly

How come you know so much about his domestic situation? You must have been watching him as much as you reckon he's watching you. He's probably just being friendly.

How do you know the woman isn't 'foreign' if you've never spoken to her?

Also, please don't let your dd jump in and out of other peoples' gardens. Lots of people don't like that.

Regarding the man, just be polite and move on. And maybe stop spying on him.

Um, he sounds a little over friendly, but if he bothers you, don't engage.

BTW AIBU to ask why its OK to let your dd play about in other peoples front gardens?

The irony of you knowing who the father of her kids are, despite her not talking to you, where he parks and so forth and yet making the astounding comment he must have been looking out of his on windows at you playing in the snow

This pretty much sums it up for me. He's being friendly to you, you are watching him and his girlfriend/ex but have no interest in engaging with them, just keeping notes from a distance.

I have a neighbour who interacts in inappropriate ways. He strides round in a tiny pair of shorts, hiking boots & a rucksack even in the dead of winter and says, "Has anyone told you you're looking lovely today?" in an odd, intense rather aggressive way, when he passes by. He once did this to my daughter (who is somewhat vulnerable) as they passed each other in the churchyard behind our house and she was quite alarmed. On the whole I think he is probably harmless but it's hard to understand why a man in his 60s can't see this is not an appropriate thing to say to a 16 year old girl or indeed to women in general.

How do you know the woman isn't 'foreign' if you've never spoken to her? probably because she's a neighbour so she's probably heard her talking to her kids or whatever.

I absolutely adore toddlers and I enjoy other people's children and grandchildren (I'm a Grandmother), so except for the laughing, I could imagine taking the same interest, but because I'm female, nothing sinister is thought.

They are not an age group that you can volunteer with, so if you haven't got a big family, then you have to hijack other people's.

I thought that it might be him, in part wanting you to notice him, but nothing really suggests that. I would say that they other Dads are being polite, whereas he has a genuine interest.

I only say this as I've had male relatives and friends who've honestly and innocently found young children delightful.

Don't ever move to where I live OP people are all over DD4 , chasing her round, tickling her and gasp! Even cuddling her (usually as she has instigated it!). It has never once seemed creepy or off, we are just surrounded by interested kind people of various ages/gender. Perhaps this chap has moved to Misery Land from somewhere more well, normal? It's not like he's offered free babysitting is it?