To ask how often you would see family regarding circumstances

[BrokenPogoStick]

More of a WWYD.

DH and I have moved from London down to Devon. We bought the house a couple of years ago but have been working on doing it up as it was quite dated. So we are finally moving everything in now and plan to be living there properly by the end of the month.

My DM moved down about 6 months ago from Birmingham. She was looking to move houses and I mentioned how nice it was here, not really expecting her to move but she did. So she now lives about 20 minutes from us and DGM care home is a further 15 minutes from DMs house so I see them a few times a week, we’ve always been very close and we have Sunday dinner together and I take the kids down after school some days.

DF and his family live just under 3 hours away and we see them once a month at bed, once ever two months at least. This is because he makes an effort to come down and see us one month so we do the next and three hours isn’t too much of a drive for us.

However, DH’s family live 8 hours away and it’s becoming a bit of a problem. His family refuse, point blank, to travel down to see us meaning we have to cart our children on a 8 hour journey where they then won’t let us stay in their house and we have to pay for a hotel. DH is starting to say that I’m deliberately not seeing his family but seeing mine all the time.
I’ve said we could travel to them possibly every 6 months, and then they could come down during the summer for a week or so when the kids are off school so it doesn’t interfere with our routine. I’d be happy to see them more if they travelled down.
To be fair to DPIL they understand why we don’t see them but would like to see us more. But then won’t make any effort on their part. DH misses his family which is completely understandable and I’ve suggested he go up and visit them for a weekend or so and DM can help me with the kids but he said that his family would want to see their DGC.

I’m at a loss of what to do, I don’t know if I am seeing my family too much. But we’ve always been very close so I don’t think I am. And then I’m unsure if I am BU to not visit his family more but annoys me that they expect us to travel up but won’t come and see us.

Anyone been in the same shoes? How do I areas it with DH.

That may appease your DH, at least.

Realistically plans may have to change, or you are saying that your DC can never get involved in hobbies that need regular participation and/or putting on Christmas/Easter shows etc.

But hopefully your DH will make friends were you live and will want flexibility himself.

How old are your pil?

Have they said why they don’t want to drive dowN.

Or why you can’t stay at theirs?

Just a random suggestion op in case you hadn't thought...

We never drive our 10 hours in the day. We go overnight. So we get all ready the day before (car packed etc). Dh then will go up to bed at 5pm and sleep. I stay up and wake him at Midnight. We take the dc out of bed in PJ's, straight into car seats and leave about 1am.

I sleep in the car and usually dc and I wake around 7ish...by which point we're over half way and only have a 4 hour drive left. We stop and get dc washed and dressed at a services and have a quick breakfast and then the remainder is more than doable.

By the night time dh and I are both knackered but it's preferable to driving 10 hours with awake kids!

We used to drive from Cornwall to Glasgow to visit my grandparents.

I can't describe how much I hated the drive as a child. I dreaded it. I got carsick so I couldn't read or play many games.

As a result I don't drive further than a few hours with my kids.

Thanks again all. I know plans will have to change if something happens with DC, but anything like them doing hobbies, shows etc can still carry on with PIL here. I will make sure of that.

They’re in their 60’s. No reason to not wanting to drive down, I suppose maybe it’s just a long journey. And we can’t stay at theirs as a family as there’s not enough room.

Thanks for the suggestions magic I think it will make it a little more exciting for DC if we did that.

Our in laws are a 4 hour drive away we see them 2 - 3 time per year (us travelling) if it were 8 hours it would be an annual trip!

I would prefer to pay to them to fly or train than do it more often.