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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To escort yr9 Dd to her date

55 replies

Smellylittleorange · 20/01/2018 11:51

She has been 'going out' with a boy from yr 10 since xmas she is yr 9 14 in july ..they have not really met properly before just know each other through friends at school . He lives in a rural area I gather but us miles away from us. They are meeting up for a lunch date for a couple of hours in a nearby town ...aibu to escort her there ...say hi to him. Disappear for a couple of hours then take her home?

OP posts:

applesauce1 · 20/01/2018 12:31

Has your daughter voiced what she'd like you to do?

When I was in Year 9, my mum twice drove me to a 'date' and twice rescued me early. First instance, the boy put his hand on my leg in the cinema and I felt so uncomfortable that I asked mum to pick me up straight away! Second instance (different boy), we were watching LOTR and i found it so long and boring that I asked for an early exit from that too. Both times I was so glad that my mum had hung around for me!
Going on a date with my husband later... I wonder if I should have her on stand by

Snowysky20009 · 20/01/2018 12:32

Just drop her off and leave.

You will embarrass her so much by introducing yourself or loitering. Just ask her to text when she's ready to be picked up!

Reddlion · 20/01/2018 12:33

Yes I would do that just don't spy on them

Dontletthebastardsgrindyoudown · 20/01/2018 12:33

Oh god please don't escort her into restaurant! Drop her, pick her up!

mishfish · 20/01/2018 12:34

I think it’s great your DD is being open with you about this at her age (I wouldn’t have told my mum anything as she was so obsessed with me not having underage sex) and that if you want to keep the lines of communication open, make sure she arrives safely but sod off for a bit and get her to text you when she’s finished to go home together!

Booboobooboo84 · 20/01/2018 12:35

You sit in a cafe in the window having a coffee. Arrange for your daughter to meet him out the front in your viewpoint so you essentially get to clap eyes on him then they can go off to wherever

MamaBearto2 · 20/01/2018 12:37

Don't see an issue with this as long as you actually do go off and not lurk about

Bettyswitch · 20/01/2018 12:41

Fellow mother of a 14 yr old dd!
If she's going alone with no friends then i'd drop her off myself and introduce myself to the bf, if hes a decent enough lad then he will be nothing but polite and assure you he will look out for your girl!
If you want to go shopping then do just that but obviously stay out of their way lol
There is nothing wrong with looking out for your kids op. (especially when your leaving them alone in the company of teenage boys)

Lizzie48 · 20/01/2018 12:50

I'm really glad it's a long way off for me, with my DDs being only 8 and 5! I think YANBU to want to take your DD there in your car. If the boy is someone your DD knows from school I think it would best not to embarrass her by stopping to say hello. Just drop her off discreetly. You won't be far away.

Original poster

Smellylittleorange · 20/01/2018 12:55

We are on the train up I dont drive ..taking opportunity to go to a charity bookshop thats v good but DH has decided he wants to come too...he does drive but train is easier anyhow for us. They only know each other through friends not school and have met briefly when not going out. I will not engage in chat I just want to be around in case she needs me . Or he decides not to turn up..this happened on a cinema date with friends . No engaging with conversation just a wave and dissapear to do our bookshopping and coffeeing...they have not decided where to go yet and he is an hour late

OP posts:

SleepingStandingUp · 20/01/2018 13:00

Well that's not a good start although if its s snowing there and he is rural... but minus points for not texting

Oblomov18 · 20/01/2018 13:04

I would drop Ds1 off. We have lent hang around. It would be humiliating for him.

EggsonHeads · 20/01/2018 13:07

That seems like nice responsible parenting. She's only 14, it's a good idea to at least meet the person she is 'dating'. It's unlikely that there is anything untoward going on but even so, you have a responsibility to check. Well done OP

Lizzie48 · 20/01/2018 13:12

It sounds like a good plan, then it becomes a nice day out for you and DH as well. And perfectly natural to wave at them both as you go off to do your own thing. (I'd go for a cream tea personally!! )

Original poster

Smellylittleorange · 20/01/2018 14:45

Sorry didnt mean to drip feed as just wanted a quick lie of land. Dd was fine with us being there. He didnt turn up in end though. First he said he was stranded in a village that was 5 miles the opposite way then he said he would be hour late. Then his bus broke down. Im glad we were there in the end to treat her to hot choc and marshmallows. DH only came too as ge is starting night shifts tonight and it was a rare chance for us to spend a bit of time in a nice town we both like.
I did ask Dd to reassure the boy we would not engage in convo
DH gave Dd a bit of talking to about not allowing herself to be messed around or taken for granted he asked her to reflect on what would her best friend, Katniss Everdeen or Mary Beard do in that situation...sometimes I do adore Mr Smellyorange

OP posts:

Original poster

Smellylittleorange · 20/01/2018 14:48

Definitely not snowing here sleeping. I guess a bit of this mess is to do with fact Dd goes to school 11 miles north of where we live he lives 8 miles east of there but it is more rural...it was never going to go smoothly..do hope he just didnt want to see us though. They chat on social media so know he is real as seen his face!

OP posts:

Shouldnotwouldnot · 20/01/2018 14:52

He was probably scared off by you or her reliance on you, it’s a bit babyish. I’d think it very strange that a 14 year old couldn’t or wouldn’t get a train to a local town for it lunch without her parents accompanying. Looking back to what me and my friends did at this age it feels very over protective

Xmaspuddingdisaster · 20/01/2018 15:25

She’s 13 though. If he wants a 13 year old to be more “grown up” they aren’t right for each other.

Original poster

Smellylittleorange · 20/01/2018 15:52

Do you have teens yet shouldnot ? If he thinks she is 'babyish' then clearly was expecting too much from her. We were not going to have a lengthy chat ...just wave from across the road and go our seperate ways. As for what you got up to when you were 13 well expectations are a lot different now thanks to social media. Teen life is played out through snapchat , messenger etc and expectation and reality rarely match up

OP posts:

Shouldnotwouldnot · 20/01/2018 16:12

No mine is not a teenager yet.

What’s social media got to do with your daughter not being able to get the train on her own though?

You clearly think there is an element of BU or you wouldn’t have asked!

deadringer · 20/01/2018 16:19

Am I the only person on here who thinks that 13 is a bit young to be going on a date?

Original poster

Smellylittleorange · 20/01/2018 16:21

Yeah i asked got consensus was ok as long as didnt hang around or embarass her..took on board etc . You are implying that just because we travelled on train together she is 'babyish' did you mean to sound so rude btw. I was perfectly happy with her getting the train since she takes that exact journey to school. I was not asking for your opinion as to our choice of transport thanks

OP posts:

Original poster

Smellylittleorange · 20/01/2018 16:25

I know deadringer i may have thought the same a couple of years ago but secondary school and all that. Id rather her let me know than the alternative of her having a secret boyfriend because she thinks we wont allow it

OP posts:

AmysTiara · 20/01/2018 16:28

I don't think a year 9 is too young to be on a date. I'm 41 and I did stuff like this at that age. Mainly going to town and the cinema. It was fine.

FithColumnist · 20/01/2018 16:38

"What would Mary Beard do?" is now going to be my personal mantra.

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