To not want to take my child to uncles wedding?

[c4bbage]

I apologise in advance if this is terribly written, I'm sleep deprived with a 3 month old baby!

NC so I wont be recognised. DP brother is getting married October 2019. DP is going to be his best man and DD will be 2 years old. When the engagement was announced and DP was asked to be best man we both discussed that we should probably arrange for my mum to look after DD so we can have the chance to let our hair down and enjoy ourselves. I know it's early days and our baby is only 3 months old but I'm not planning on having many nights away from her so I thought this would be a good opportunity and she would be a good age to start having sleepovers at her Grans. Anyway I was discussing the wedding with MIL and happened to bring this up with her. I really didn't think their would be any issues but she was unhappy about it and questioned why I wouldn't take my daughter along with me. I explained that we thought it would be good for us to use the wedding as an opportunity to have a little break and that DD would probably be potty training at the time and going through the terrible twos. I was made to feel guilty about it and now I feel terrible. I'm sure DP brother wouldn't mind but she was acting as if it was her day and it would ruin it for her. Without trying to drip feed, she barely comes over to see DD and when she does I feel like she's questioning my parenting and she makes comments to DP about the way I do things.

AIBU? I really didn't see any problems when me and DP discussed it but I feel guilty now.

YANBU! We’ve been to probably 10 weddings since DD (now 4), she’s been to one. It’s one of the perks of having family that can look after her! She enjoys a sleepover, we can let our hair down. DD is not a child who sleeps any where so if we were to take her, we’d have to take her off to bed. Don’t be guilted about leaving her behind in theory in 18 months’ time!

Ignore mil, she just wants an accessory to show off. Start as you mean to go on. She can’t argue if you don’t discuss it. Learn now, give her no information, you are a closed book.

My MIL tried desperately to get my post cs self and three week early baby and hospital grade pump, which I was using every two hours, up the motorway, four hour journey, to go to SIL’s third wedding which, as predicted, only lasted 18 months. (The marriage not the wedding.) When DH told her no, she cried and said she had bought baby clothes the same colour as her dress 😶

YANBU. Book in a babysitting slot with your DM now and think no more of it. Ignore your MIL about this for now.

You could have 2 children in 2 year time or be pregnant ?

Mil probably wants to show GD off to friends and family, wants her in pictures etc. I can see where she's coming from but, ultimately, it's your decision.

If you're going to do it, do it for the right reasons, not to spite mil for not visiting often enough.

She's probably just really excited. A new gc and a wedding. It will wear off as your baby becomes a messy toddler. Don't mention it again and make the decision closer to the time.

Congratulations on your DC.

Your baby, your business.

If your MIL wants your DD there, tell her she'll have to babysit so that when it's your DD's bed time, which is probably going to be 7pm or so, she'll have to sit in the hotel room with her while she sleeps. She won't be able to have the TV on, as it would disturb your daughter, so she'll have to just sit in the dark all night.

See if that changes her mind.