To think DD's dad does not owe maintenance arrears directly to exDP?

[Toombumber]

Hello,
I am separating from my now-exDP with whom I have DS (6). I also have a DD (9) who exDP has lived with since she was one. DD's dad has paid maintenance the whole time, more or less, but had some patchiness which meant there's about £1500 arrears owing according to CMS- I'll be collecting this in dribs and drabs from him for the next couple of years or however long as it is added on to his normal payment. I've been buying a house with exDP and he's going to buy me out. He thinks half of DD's maintenance arrears amount should be deducted from the money I'm going to get from the house equity and given to him, because we should have had that money in the time we were together. We have always paid 50/50 for everything. AIBU in thinking DD's maintenance money including arrears comes from her non-resident dad to her other parent ie me, for her, and is not owed to DD's stepdad on separation? Or does he have a claim? I can't control the amount of money he's going to give me as the buyout money so I'm wondering whether to tell him to make any deductions he feels he's owed according to his conscience, and just not detail them to me, cut my losses.

He's having a laugh. Seriously, he's taking the piss.

Not sure I’m following correctly. Child maintenence is for the child. It’s not income for a step parent to count.

The maintenance is for DD’s upkeep, for you as the resident parent. He has no claim on it.

Why can you not control the amount of money he is going to give you as the buy out money? Is the property in joint names? Surely you get half the equity. If the money at stake is worth more than the cost of legal advice, see a lawyer.

If everything for your child came out of the family pot then the maintaince received should also have gone into the family pot so I can somewhat see his point. I still wouldn’t be giving him half as you have no guarantee you will ever get the arrears off your first ex.

IcedCocoa I feel I can't control the amount of money he gives me because he's going to give it to me out of the money he gets when his late mum's house is sold (currently in the process) so it's not like we were selling the house and the money would be released to both our names or something like that. Then we'll know what the equity is from the valuations, but he has a few ideas about deductions he feels should be made from my half. I don't know whether a solicitor can order him to pay half of it, or if deductions are routinely made for this and that. It's not a great deal at stake, maybe 30K equity? It is in both our names.

So the £30k is the equity between you buying the house and him buying you out, based on valuations - if I understand correctly.

£30k equity is £15k each. A solicitor would cost you between £200 and £300 for an hour; they will tell you what you are entitled to and what, if any, deductions should be made. Even if you don’t then hire legal representation, you will know if you are reaching a fair settlement and negotiate from a position of having correct knowledge. You don’t need to tell him you have taken legal advice, but if he tries to bully you into accepting less, you can then ask the solicitor to get involved.

Only a court could make an order though; the solicitor could only write formally to argue your interests. It is mainly the legal knowledge of your position you need.

£15k is a lot of money to me, at least, so I wouldn’t just take his word for it without checking.

Whether he is due half depends on the complete picture of relationship finances, so can't comment on that.

If he is, tell him that as and when you receive the arrears repayments, you will send him half.

Even if he is due half, he can't deduct it up-front, as you don't know for certain you'll ever see it.

Half of £1500 is not worth consulting lawyers about.

Re-read the OP, and it does sound like the arrears of CM are a debt that is an asset of the relationship, so if the general rule is that you each get half, then he's entitled to half. Only if and when it actually turns up though.

Each to their own Firesuit - I personally think a consultation with a lawyer is worth it when you are dividing property and assets, not least because the OP will have to make the property over to her ex, if she is on the deeds; but the CMS money is for the children, it is not an asset of the marriage.

he has a few ideas about deductions he feels should be made from my half.
What a charmer.

Thanks for the replies. I hadn't seen the last few. I think I will say that I'm getting advice on whether it's due to him, and that if my solicitor decides it is, I will send him half as and when I get the arrears.

If he thinks the £1500 debt is worth £1500 now, ask him to take the debt as part of his share of assets. So you get £750 more cash than him now, and he gets the whole of the £1500 if and when it turns up. You'll even write to ex and tell him to pay directly, rather than go through you.

If he doesn't think that's reasonable, he's admitting he's not being reasonable to ask you to pay half of £1500 you haven't actually received.

Sorry, didn't read the last post properly, glad you will only pay when you get it.