To want to de-friend someone?

[bmbetu]

I have a friend who I met a couple of years ago, who has become seriously territorial with friendships with other people. I have a friend I have known for years, and if we do anything together, shopping, even a quick coffee, without inviting her, newer-friend is LIVID, never confronts us, but is icily polite and fumes when we see her so it becomes awkward. Newer-friend has LOTS of other friends, sometimes we go out with her and them too, often she meets them without inviting me and old-friend, which is obviously fine - I understand people have lots of friends and can't do everything together! But she doesn't seem to understand this applies to her too.
It's making things very awkward, because this territorial behaviour makes you want to invite her to coffee/shopping/anything even less!
Any one else had territorial friend trouble with an adult?! It's exhausting, and feel too old for this.

Christ, just reading that confirms why I rarely go outside.

No, I don't know anyone like that. If I did, I'd hide.

Ha ha Queen. This is someone I see almost daily too, hence exhaustion.... It's just too ridiculous!

Jesus. I don't do friends because I've known people like That. Stay home. Drink wine and enjoy your own company

Back away slowly ... she sounds scarily immature

Ha it is alarming and weird. Think we're now just going to try to not care and ignore weird behaviour. Going for coffee/drink with old-friend is not wrong! She'll have to just deal with it. She's not the sort you can just talk to about it either, will create major melt down

Oh wow OP I have a friend just like this I tend to block her from seeing some of my posts for peace, awful I know but just easier. I believe for my friend it is insecurities that fuel her annoyance when she feels left out. But wow can it be hard work.

Could you just ignore her behaviour? If she kicks off, look vague and smile and talk about something else? She shouldn't be deciding who you are friends with.

Schmoozy we've sort of done things like that - but seems weird doesn't it, cos you're not actually doing anything wrong seeing friends are you? Yet she is very "in your face" about how much time she spends with her other friends, lots of Facebook posts, tales of nights out. This is fine by me and old-friend by the way, just the fact that she's missing the point of how she is so angry with us if we were to do the same....
Sonja yes my plan is to just ignore -( and if it gets unbearable just to be frank and ask what the problem is week!)
And you're right, she is almost trying to tell us who to be friends lately regarding other people.
I should make it clear here, I think new-friend is fonder of old-friend than me, and is angry that old-friend and i are still friendlier with each other than with her

Please tell me "de-friend" isn't common parlance!

@shouldILeaveTheDogs

"Drink wine and enjoy your own company"

Sounds quite a thoughtless suggestion to give an emotional teenager!

Stop sharing information about your social life, go ahead and meet people & do things but she really doesn't need to know about it.

Make sure your Facebook account has all the security filters in place. Also, select the 'acquaintance' setting for the new friend so they can't see everything on your Facebook page.

I'd also go one step further and have all her phone calls go straight to voicemail so that you can screen calls before replying.

I would also slowly start to phase the new friend out until I stopped seeing her. I don't need people like that in my life, remember she's a new acquaintance not an established friend. She doesn't need to become an established member of your friendship circle. You'll get nothing but drama if she does.

It's pretty weird after the age of 8. I'd be avoiding the woman like the plague. None of this gradual backing off either. But then I'd be happy to tell someone they had killed off the friendship with their posessiveness. She's not a child, she must do it for kicks.

@theForeigner No emotional teenager here, late thirties tired mum!!! and no, "de-friend" was the shortest way I could think to put.
@YesMam Good advice. This isn't really about Facebook (was just saying new-friend is on it a lot with her other friends - old-friend isn't even on Facebook!). This is just generally day to day in life, so hard work! E.g. Chatting "I saw old-friend other day and she said..." New-friend (icily) "Oh, when? What did you do together?" Not actually blatantly showing her we haven't included her in an activity. I'm definitely the more the merrier sort, as is old-friend, so find this bewildering. I'm definitely trying a phase out, with combo from @Shineystrawberrylover that I'll be brutally honest that her possessiveness has ruined things if she asks Old-friend has more of this behaviour from her than me - take heed old-friend (if you're reading) and phase out!

Oh and crazy drama over the last two years already happened that you wouldn't believe!

I think we can all believe the drama!

Just realised that people might think "de-friend" is about Facebook friends. I'm talking about de-friend generally in real life

Drama involving other friends, not approving of who else has been included in night out and not coming, then kicking off afterwards as though we'd excluded her
This is just latest stuff, there's been much more serious drama that we got dragged into that I can't go into on here in case it's obvious who I am! Bloody exhausting and unnecessary!

I was suggesting restricting the new friend's status on fb to acquaintance only so she can't see everything that you do. Your page is then restricted to her and she can only see certain things.

The next stage is then to de friend her on fb and in real life.

I have a similar situation except I am the old friend. I am not friends with our mutual friend but I do not look to control who my friends are with when they're not with me. Newer friend does. Her latest thing is to stop me walking home from school with my friend. I only do it once a week but she always gets in between. Thankfully, I'm non confrontational and mature and I don't define my friendship by a 5 minute walk once a week. You should see how irritated she gets when she heard we've all been out for a meal or drink as couples! She has plenty of other friends but my old friendship drives her crazy! There's nowt as weird as folk!
My advice is to just ignore it. They are her issues, not yours!

@YesMam no i knew what you meant, I just meant I'd chosen a bad title! Thanks.
@TistheSeason17 this is EXACTLY the kind of behaviour I'm talking about. I could have written your post myself. (However, new-friend now prefers old-friend to me, so sometimes feel she's trying to push me out But me and old-friend don't let that happen ) Yep thinking ignore and carry on is the way to go. Maybe she'll phase us out.... Fingers crossed!