AIBU or is my OH lazy?

[Pingu30]

How do I find the balance between "I am sick of doing all this myself" and "I'm on maternity leave, partner is at work full time".

I'm SICK of being the one to get up to do all the night feeds (do not at all expect him to get up when he's at work, I do however expect a bit of help on weekend) on top of all cooking, cleaning, bottle washing and sterilising, clothes washing, hanging out and putting away, hoovering etc etc.

I am sick of nagging and asking for him to do more. Not sure I'm being unreasonable as he works FT?

Why do we infatalise grown men? We let them wash dishes badly and say 'at least they tried' or they don't clean up but we say 'he is good with the baby'. They wouldn't get away with doing this at work where they expected to be - and are - competent adults, get promoted and have responsibility. We set the bar so low and they are happy for us to do that because it means we have to do the work and they don't.

You want him to get up in the night when he has to go to work?

I don't know why people seem to think because their partners go out to work that they should only help with the baby on their days off. Does my head in!! I (when not on mat leave) do the same job as my dw, which is a challenging job, but she gets to have a break and eat, go to the loo when she needs to, I know because I work there too!! She gets up in the morning and showers, gets herself ready and that's it. I get up and clean up her mess before I start getting baby ready, fed, play with, do housework etc. I lose my shit at various times throughout the week because she just doesn't seem to see mess or have the initiative to do anything without me asking. I nudge her awake if he's up in the night, she does nappy change, I make bottle and feed him. We made the decision to be parents together, therefore, I expect her to pull her weight.

The only thing that worked for us was to go to Relate. His laziness really got too much for me and I was actually considering ending an otherwise happy marriage over it. Fortunately relate worked and he's in the kitchen right now clearing up after tea while I watch Jamie and Jimmy! He puts DS to bed (I have to go up to feed him) but he puts his pjs on and does there dreaded tooth brushing while I have a break. We both work full time now but the laziness started when I was on maternity leave. It's really hard and I know how you feel, but so long as he isn't a complete arse you can turn this around. Good luck

@Whatshallidonowpeople No, she doesn't.

I'm SICK of being the one to get up to do all the night feeds (do not at all expect him to get up when he's at work, I do however expect a bit of help on weekend)

Well start by stopping sterilizing bottles. It's busywork, totally unnecessary.