to consider going back into the 'Overweight' BMI category just to try and get my boobs/confidence back?

[TitlessAndListless]

In brief: Am 37. Last Summer my BMI hit 30 putting me into the 'Obese' category. I'm only 5'4 so small of frame. I was eating anything and everything I wanted and it showed. I was a large size 14 and looked passable when done up (know how to dress for my figure + am a trained makeup artist so the face was always good) but was very...Humpty Dumpty shaped and, more importantly, I felt like crap. Thighs chafed when I walked, I avoided clothes shopping, dodged cameras, mirrors, always sat with a cushion held over my gut etc.

Fastforward to today and after months of hard work I've lost 36lbs. I'm still at the upper end of 'Healthy' BMI and while I look absolutely smoking when dressed, I look bloody hideous naked and it's killing my self-esteem . Obviously my main motivation in losing the weight was my health but vanity was a close second. I like to feel attractive and naively thought that weighing a certain number would make that happen.

My boobs (were 34E before, full and pointed to the heavens) are my main problem. They've turned into the proverbial spaniel's ears. Any and all fullness has disappeared and they just look horrible. Added to that, my stupidly big pepperami nipples (which kinda made sense on my bigger boobs) now look utterly ridiculous.

I would have a (good) boob job tomorrow if I could but just can't afford it and really don't want a cheap n nasty one.

I know I can improve other parts of my body in the gym (and plan to) but you just can't exercise your way to breast tissue.

It's affecting my self confidence so much that I've come off online dating (and ended things with a lovely guy who I really liked and fancied) because the prospect of getting naked in front of someone new with these boobs (and post DC overhang belly) was more than I could bare. Would've had to go down the daft SAtC route of keeping my underwear on during the deed. This is SO far from who I was pre-kids and even after but when I was a bit bigger, it's absurd. I was FULL of sexual confidence/body confidence.

I'm tempted to try and gain back 5-7lbs and see if I can find a sweet spot where my boobs make a comeback but I don't get too much of a fat face/even flabbier belly along with them. This would put me back in the 'Overweight' category for BMI which seems so counterintuitive after all this hard work but I genuinely think I'd rather be a bit fat and have boobs and feel like the old me than be 'skinny' and look amazing in a size 10 dress (and heavily padded bra) but be so embarrassed of my naked body.

So which matters more, BMI and physical health or self-esteem/mental health?

I know this is rambly and incredibly superficial but it's really getting me down at the minute .

Any kicks up the arse welcome.

Physical health is more important. Being overweight or obese leads to a myriad of health problems that can limit your life span.

However I do get the mental health issues. This is something that can be worked on, there are so many ways to improve your self confidence that come from within, not from your body shape

OK - if you are only likely to gain 7lbs and it would make you feel so much better then I would go for it. I am the same height as you and have done slimming world to get from 13st 2lb (BMI obese range) to 10 st 7lb, which leaves me just into the overweight range. I don't want to go any further or I will end up looking raddled, even though theoretically I could lose another 2 stone and still be in the healthy range.

I lost weight as I was at high risk of diabetes type 2, even though I am still classed as slightly overweight, my blood tests are now fine and my doctor agrees my weight is fine.

I don't think BMI is an exact science, so being 5-7lbs overweight wouldn't be something I would worry about, if I felt better at that weight.

Knit

I was 12st 5lb to start with. 9st 11lb now.

BMI is around 23.5 I think.

Like you, I could lose two more stone and still be in the healthy category. I cannot even imagine how bad I would look though.

There are so many positives to my lifestyle now that I am not willing to compromise on. I love exercise, I love my diet, I love having more energy, I love shopping. But instead of feeling all glow-y and shiny of skin and hair I actually feel haggard and frizzy and have developed eyebags for the first time in my life and also some bizarre purple mottling on my thighs .

It just seems like every single positive side effect has been offset by at least one new negative one. Feels very unfair ☹️.

for you

It is very unlikely to go back on to your boobs though. Any weight you gain now in fat will be distributed everywhere.
I totally get it, i have congenital symmastia and HATE my boobs and wont date and will never be able to afford surgery.

It is true that wrinkles show less when you have more weight on you. I don’t think an extra 5-7 pounds would make a difference health-wise and if it would make you feel better, go for it.

To be totally honest, though, it sounds like your self-esteem is based largely on how you look (and you are way more body-confident even now than most women I know!). You are no doubt very lovely but everyone ages and you can’t go back to being 25 (unless you are 25, in which case enjoy it!). I find it so sad that you ended a relationship rather than let a man see your body, when you are not even overweight at all. You should try to find other non-looks-related things about yourself to feel good about, because no matter how hard you try looks don’t last forever. I’m sure you are a wonderful person with many other good qualities other than your face and body!

You can improve your boobs in the gym. Chest presses and flyes will perk up your bosom in no time.

I'm a 30F in the boobs (28/30DD when not BF) and a size 10 and I love my body - kind of anyway - have weight to lose post newborn DD. Save up for a boob job if it's affecting you so much?! I know you said it's unaffordable but places like MYA offer a payment plan. Don't go back in the overweight category You've worked so hard to get to where you are!

Give it time- the boobs will get better. Keep exercising and that will help.

myfannyhurts (😂)

I have an abundance of confidence in my intelligence, my wit, my ability to find common ground with most people I encounter, I'm a fantastic mum, I'm empathetic and kind and a fun person to be around. I know this all to be true. But I still want to feel attractive both clothed and naked. I wish I could suddenly just not give a shit about my appearance but I can't.

I'm not referring to a time when I was 25 by the way, my last sexual relationship ended last spring and I was 100% my old self then (i.e. the exact opposite of lights off/missionary!).

I don't want/expect to look 25. I just want to feel as naturally confident in my own skin as I did up until a few months ago. The only thing that has changed has been going under my original target weight.

Relationship-wise I think I might just not be ready for full-on dating yet. That's fine. Happy to take a hiatus. The guy was lovely but there was something not quite clicking mentally between us and don't think it had any legs.

I think you need to remember that fitness is correlated with weight, but that it is the fitness that gives the health benefits not the weight. Its far better for you to be fitter and a bit heavier than to be slim and unfit.

I also think that you aren't your boobs, and that you are likely reacting to the change in your appearance more than what it actually is now.

I would give it a few months and see if your brain adapts to your new body. If it really doesn't then maybe try counselling? Hating your body is a really strange thing to do when you think about - its the only thing keeping you alive!

But I still want to feel attractive both clothed and naked.

The way to do this is to learn to find your body attractive, not to try and change it though!

When the brain and the body disagree on what is right, it is better to focus on changing the brain...particularly if the body is healthy!

All for bring very selective about who you get naked for. But if the guy were to go 'eewww' rather than 'yippee' then it would not be you that has the problem..

Please learn to like a functioning body and to cope with the fact that it will age and sag.

Actually there is quite solid evidence that being a little overweight is healthier than not, and seems to improve life expectancy. So I would not worry about being a little bit overweight from a general health point of view, even though I personally actually feel much healthier and fitter when I am not.

That said, I wouldn't plan to gain it back if I were you. It may not go where you want it to but also realistically to maintain weight loss you'll like find yourself gaining and re- losing a bit anyway, and that half stone range may become very familiar to you. In my experience it will come back without trying and if you do try, you might end up gaining back more than you planned.

Thanks everyone. Your replies have given me plenty to think about.

I know targeted weight gain is just as impossible as targeted weight loss so maybe it's a daft idea anyway. I wonder if Elon Musk could take a few months off this whole sending people to the moon project and sort out a scientific way of losing/gaining weight from one body part - wouldn't that be amazing 😍.

Am going to focus on maintaining this weight for the next few months and see how I feel after that.

I'm usually a big fan of winter but this year I've found it utterly horrible. I've been constantly freezing especially my fingers and toes (my mum is very very slim and has Reynaud's Syndrome and she thinks I'm becoming like her) and the long dark evenings which I've always found so cosy and enjoyable (when coupled up ) have been a pure drag.

Let's see if I can get to Spring with a healthier outlook.

With having let myself get to BMI 30 in the first place, I really don't want to try and gain a specific and small amount back only to derail myself and end up back where I started. That would be my worst possible outcome. For the most part I am much happier at this healthier weight. Will just remain a Never Nude 😂.

Counselling is a great idea (for various reasons - I'm firmly aboard the hot mess express right now).

Thanks again.

OP I have had a hysterectomy recently and was very swollen after surgery. Don't get me wrong I have sat between 9-10st for years but I am now at the upper end - the weight doesn't bother me now but I have gone a horrendous shape. I think I have lost weight from the wrong bits and put on weight on the wrong bits - I was always looked ok dressed and naked. Now I just look a strange shape!

I get ya!

Just to add I am 33

I feel you OP. I completely ruined my boobs by losing 5 stone very quickly. I hate to tell you that even now I've put weight back on (I'm pregnant) they still look the same - they've changed shape forever and won't go back without surgery.

I hate it, tbh, but I'm trying to ignore it until I'm done having babies and can save up to get something done about it. Until then I buy good push-up bras and reassure myself that DH is a bum man! And in general I am happier and healthier at a lower weight so I try to focus on that.

I loved your Never Nude reference btw

I haven't put all 5 stone back on btw! Just realised my post made it look like I had, haha.

I am the same height and similarly got down to around the same weight - maybe a few lbs more. When fat (my bmi was much higher than yours) my boobs were by far my best bit, all full and not saggy at all even after twin. After 5 stone off they too are spaniel ears and make me very down. They also freak me out as they are less dense - I was convinced I had a lump until dh pointed out it was my breast bone

I have put on around half a stone so my bmi is 26ish. None on my boobs.

So don't put weight on for the boobs as it probably won't go there. I find looking at myself straight on is helpful - the girls are still ok from that angle. Just never from the side.

Also loving Never Nude!

I had the same problem - looked better clothed than naked when I lost weight - I have gained weight and I am now size 12....I'd like to have slimmer thighs but have accepted the compromise.