Forgive and forget!

[Lilmis]

Just wondering... How many of u forgive and forgett or are you forgivers but never forget.

I forgive but never forget personally.

I forgive too easily, and (thanks to memory problems) forget too often too.
But big stuff- I neither forgive nor forget. I cannot forgive someone for wishing cancer and rape upon me, and actually I cut them out of my life like the cancer they are.
I’ll forgive smaller stuff. And my dp has to remind me of some stuff too, like me saying oh x rang the other day, had a good catch up... he looks at me like I’ve grown 3heads and says what the hell? Have you forgotten what they did to you last year?? I think it’s how some people take advantage, knowing I’ll forget.

Just came here to post this (one of my favourite TV moments)

Hmmmmm I used to very easily forgive and forget, I think to the extent I was taken for a fool way too often, to be fair I found a lot of peace living like that but there is always a few things that went way further than they should of because I really didn't stand up fro myself.

I'd like to think I forgive now, but I can't forgive things that are in the moment, it's not that I need an apology but it really hard for me to forgive one person who is constantly dishonest and has and continues to spread rumours about me.

On the whole I forgive still, there is a lot less forgetting and trusting though. It's harder, people who I still want to be friends with but honestly they really aren't friends, but it's hard.

I think if you can forgive you will find a lot of peace, but there is a balance between forgiving and being taken advantage of.

Fuck that, seethe and hold grudges is my motto.

It depends on what the 'crime' is. My sister and I haved talked about issues where one has upset the other and forgiven each other over the years.
But I have people I will never forgive and who I wish I could forget.

I tend to forgive but not forget something that has been directly to me however I am never forgive and never forget when it comes to a member of my family. I will hold a grudge forever if they have down something to hurt my loved ones.

I don’t think anyone should forget. I forgave and forgot too often as far as certain family members were concerned. Had I held a grudge I may have seen the pattern in their behaviour much sooner. As it was, I allowed them to abuse me for years before I realised what they were doing. I think people are more or less willing to forgive and forget depending on the person. Especially family as society dictates this should happen.

Forgive on the surface only and never forget (and any opportunity which arises to get revenge is fully taken).

I had a friend who always used to say "I can forgive... but I DON'T forget" and from that I took it to mean that she would forgive you to your face, but always remember that she'd been wronged, and find subtle and sneaky ways to get her own back again and again the relationship would definitely never be the same again.
I was proved right.

I was reading an article the other day about how it's much better for you to forgive but I find it difficult to get my head around. I don't forgive my father for being abusive (he still is a bit) though I understand to some degree why he was (abusive childhood himself) and I don't spend time raging about it. Sometimes I feel judged for not saying I forgive (e.g. by people with religious beliefs) but I feel quite strongly women shouldn't have to let our abusers off the hook. But then I think people also give different meanings to the words.

@brandnewhouse

No because for me forgiveness is not a question when it comes to the children being naughty. I expect they will at some point anyway and it is a natural part of growing up. I expect an apology if they have been rude and I accept it but no need for forgiveness.

I find there is only need to forgive if I am holding onto something. It usually has to be something much bigger than everyday stuff

I'm always prepared to forgive. At least try to see the other point of view. Life isn't black and white. We aren't good and evil. We all have our demons and our foibles.

There is one person who I forgave in my heart but not to his face. He killed himself. I'll live with that forever.

It depends on the circumstance I don't normally hold grudge but a family member of dh told a whole lot of lies when her mum died suddenly it ripped his family apart there was a court case surrounding the death I can't ever forgive or forget no matter what she went through she put us through hell.

I don't forget and I don't think that we should. It all contributes to a realistic, as opposed to naive, picture of the person concerned.

Forgive sometimes. Depends on the offence and subsequent behaviour.

Here's a low level example. A friend you thought could trust with private information, doesn't keep it private because she's a terrible gossip and can't resist passing it on. She's a good friend who is supportive in other ways and whose company you enjoy and she wasn't being malicious, just lacks impulse control. I would forgive but I would know not to trust her with any private stuff in future.

A high level example. A colleague stabs you in the back for no reason other than malice. I would neither forget nor forgive.

Loved reading your replies. Some of them made me giggle quite a bit. Seems like lost of you forgive but not forget... Very realistic. I used to be the forgive n forget type but as I've matured over the years, not the I'm Old, almost mid 30s, I've learnt an important lesson. Forgive and Forget one or even twice, over smaller issues. Anything after that, forgive of you can manage it (even if it is in your heart) but keep your distance. Makes life so much more Easier.

I always forgive but never forget.

I don't know. Noone has ever done anything bad to me that I've needed to forgive. Unless they have and I've forgotten about it!

Forgiving is hard. I find forgetting impossible.

I forgive fairly easily. Forgetting is harder. I think forgetting is less of a choice though. I try to. But if it was something between two people which affected me, I don't think forgetting is right, as it leaves it open to continue.

Forgive but don’t forget if it was carelessness or a sincere apology is received. So friend A is still my friend but I am never putting a deposit down on anything joint with her again! Friend B dropped out of the scene when I was going through a hard time - I don’t exactly blame her but I wouldn’t reach out on anything emotional again.

Colleague C (who I thought was a friend) lied about my conduct to make her omission look understandable - no real consequences for me because I could prove it - but I neither forgive nor forget. In fact I’ve warned others.

I forgive and forget. Without exception in my experience, other people are their own problem. If they (try to) screw me over in some way, good luck to them, it won't work. If they make an effort to make amends, I couldn't be arsed holding the past against them.

I forgive easily. I'm not one for grudges and do what I can for an easy life. I'm sure people think I'm a mug, but I don't really forget I just choose to be the bigger person.

There's three former friends I can neither forgive nor forget. It takes up my head space in the early hours of the morning. They won't remember at all. If anyone has any good tips I would be grateful. I've been to counselling about it.