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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not give out a sainthood just cos dh works the night shift!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

26 replies

em28677 · 27/04/2007 07:53

My dh works shifts and so every 3rd week he has to do nights. This is fine except he spends the whole week walking round like a bear with a sore head cos he has been up all night. I have tried to explain to him that I have been up all day and by time I get to bed it is midnight and I am up at 6 this is if ds goes through the night whereas he goes to bed at 7 and gets up at 4! Therefore during night shift week it is me surviving on less sleep than him but I guess thats just me being unreasonable!!

OP posts:
colditz · 27/04/2007 08:16

Actually, night shifts are hell on bloody earth, and I would rather get 4 hours of sleep at night than 8 hours of sleep in the day! Night shifts can make you physically ill sometimes, have you ever done them?

Idreamofdaleks · 27/04/2007 08:19

I would find night shifts torture so I certainly have sympathy for your dh

Its not about the total amount of sleep each of you get, its about when you get it, and disrupting your natural biorthyms - to be fair I think this is worse for some people than for others

Original poster
em28677 · 27/04/2007 08:26

Maybe I am being unreasonable then but it doesnt feel like it when you have to live with him all week!!!

OP posts:
FioFio · 27/04/2007 08:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

NotQuiteCockney · 27/04/2007 08:28

I thought workplaces were moving away from this sort of shift system - it's really not good for you. Like perpetual jet lag. The better way is to have some staff on nights and some on days. Being on nights all the time is better for you than changing shifts like this.

colditz · 27/04/2007 08:28

No, I imagine it is crap to live with too. But try to go easy on him, he won't be firing on all cylinders.

DarrellRivers · 27/04/2007 08:33

When i did night shifts, my flatmates used to avoid the house for a week.
It is awful living with someone doing them ,but they are really horrible to do, and you never know what day it is, and are pretty dazed and confused most of the time.
I don't think I could do them now.
My tip is just ignore anything grumpy

frenchleave · 27/04/2007 09:12

It's the pits living with someone who is always more tired than you, regardless of how tired you are and how hard your day has been. My sympathies.

expatinscotland · 27/04/2007 09:15

About the only time night shifts work is when someone is on them permanently.

I don't know why employers are allowed to get away with this 'flexible' rota crap.

It's counter-productive at best and dangerous at worst.

tarantula · 27/04/2007 09:17

Have to say I wouldnt do night shifts unless I got paid HUGE amounts of money. Even doing late and early shifts is bad AFAIC.

And the system your dp is working seems like the worse of a bad lot tbh so I can understand why he is crabby. Must be hell for you to live with too tho so you have my sympathy.

expatinscotland · 27/04/2007 09:19

One of my pals is a nurse, and the NHS has people on rotating shifts and it's killing her.

She's moving to Australia, where they put you on one set shift and it doesn't change unless you want to change.

LazyLineThreadKiller · 27/04/2007 09:26

Working nights is like living in another world. It must be hard because he probably wants to see his son but is needing the sleep as well.

Focus less on the "who gets more sleep" aspect. It's not a competition!

kslatts · 27/04/2007 09:28

I think you are being unreasonable, when I went back to work full time dh started doing shift work, he doesn't do a night shift, but sometimes doesn't finish until 2am and sometimes starts as early as 4.30am. He finds some of the shifts a struggle as he feels so tired.

Anna8888 · 27/04/2007 09:28

I quite agree expat.

My cousin's wife used to do 24 hour shifts as a nurse in a detox hospital. Hell on earth. She turned to drugs herself in the end.

expatinscotland · 27/04/2007 14:25

It makes FA sense to expect every nurse to be available 24/7.

No wonder they all f* off and go and work for someone other than the NHS.

There are plenty of people I knew in the US who wanted the night shift permanently - because they were swapping shifts with a partner, taking courses during the day, wanted the shift deferential so they could work fewer hours, wanted more autonomy, etc.

And plenty who wanted only days.

So it was a set rota and believe me, it equals a happier, healthier, more productive employee.

edam · 27/04/2007 14:28

agree it's the switching between days and nights which is a killer. Seriously, it affects your health. His employers really should be thinking about offering permanent night and permanent days, would produce happier, healthier, more effective employees.

unknownrebelbang · 27/04/2007 18:23

After 28 years of nights (in various shift patterns), they cripple DH now.

He's been off nights since Christmas as he's on secondment. He's working longer hours (and more travelling) but he's so much more alert and feels healthier than he has for years.

He's seriously considering requesting a change to shift pattern if/when he returns to normal duties. Whether he'll get anywhere is a different subject though.

ellenjames · 27/04/2007 20:42

My dh works the exact same shift pattern 7-3,3-11,11-7 and he hates it and is a zombie most of the time its torture when he has holidays as that really screws him up. He has no routine ever, and misses out on so much with the kids, it's horrible, so don't be too hard on him! though i know it's hard when ur shattered too!

princesscc · 27/04/2007 20:48

Nightshift has been re-named egg shell shift in our house! One memorable day was when he complained bitterly that the kettle hadn't boiled quick enough. I just said, 'I'm sorry dear, but the kettle doesn't know you are on nights!' Thankfully dh doesn't do them unless he wants to these days, which is only when we need a bit of extra money, so he is much more bearable. I do feel for anyone on a regular night rota though.

bettythebuilder · 27/04/2007 21:14

I feel a bit guilty now for not being more sympathetic to my dh, who also works a crippling shift system, while doing a stressful job to boot. I really don't like to think of him doing these unhealthy shifts for another 27 years.

wrinklytum · 27/04/2007 21:27

I do a mix of days and nights with no pattern to them i.e soon I am on a nightshift on Sunday night then back on early shift on the Tuesday.Nights are a killer to your bodyclock and I spend most times feeling like a walking zombie.They really are a nightmare.I can sort of understand both sides of the arguement as I have a poor sleeper too and the only time I get unbroken sleep is on the day after my nightshift but then struggle to sleep on the night!!!Just try to be kind to each other (hard,I know from bitter experience, when you are both hideously sleep deprived)

Furrymummy · 28/04/2007 06:03

I used to do continental shifts, 4 days on, 4 days off, 4 nights on, 4 days off, 12 hour shifts. The night shifts were a killer. I was lucky to get 4 hours sleep in any 24 hours. It was horrible, it used to take me the whole of the first day off to recover. At 3am each shift I was pratically a zombie lol. It is tough trying to sleep during the day, just because it's noisier. So I do think you are being unreasonable, but at the same time I understand your frustration - when my dad worked nights (similar to your DH's), it was crap - we all had to be very quiet because Daddy is sleeping!! I think the quality of sleep that you get during the day is not as good as during the night which is why your DH is so tired.

LadyTophamHatt · 28/04/2007 07:46

em238677, I'll be the lone voice on your side.

my dh does shifts, one week earlies, one week lates with nights thown in occaisionally(only about twice a yr though).
He's always worked shifts so I've never known any different but i find really bloody annoying when he gets to stay in bed even when he's had more sleep than me.

Its almost like a bloody competition to see whos the tiredest in our house and he's a miserable shit when tired.

for example, i was awake when he got home from work last night, having just fed Ds4. When he woke at 5:30am I got him up to feed him again and dh asked why i'd picked him up if he was quiet??
He wsn't quiet, he'd been "talking" to himself in the cot for 10 minutes before i got him up and absolutley wide awake.
At 6:40 he was awake again for the day....Dh is still in bed.

Am i being unreasonable??

Bollocks am I!!

do I care that shift work is hard work??

Nope...I've been permanently "at work, and on call" since I had ds1, and it's 8 years to the day since i went into labour with him (its his birhday tomorrow)

Original poster
em28677 · 28/04/2007 07:55

Thank you LTH finnally someone that sees where I am coming from I wasn't saying night shifts aren't hard or that I am trying to compete with who has least sleep but simply that for 1week out of three I get really pi**ed off when at 9.30pm he stands up and says right I am going to work now then looks at me as though I have done nothing all day and need to thank him for going I have also been permanently on call since ds was born and if I want the odd night out I have to time it round his shifts but still put him to bed first!! Its not just the night shift either I get really fed up with him laying in bed til 10.30 when he is on lates just cos he went to bed at midnight!!! sometimes I dont get to bed til gone then and still it is me that gets up at 5.30am with ds!! So thanks for at least getting where I am coming from

OP posts:
LadyTophamHatt · 28/04/2007 08:08

I'll be taking a cup of tea up to mine in a minute.

You see, a cunning plan of mine.

take tea and then they can't moan because you've woken them up because you're being so god damn nice.

For every cup of tea I've had in bed, Dh has had about 30.

Seeeeee i'm a nice caring wife really