Am I overreacting?

[amioverreacting2018]

I feel a bit like I'm going mad here... Am I overreacting?

My boyfriend and best friend (both men, they met through me and get on pretty well but our separate relationships are stronger iyswim) share a flat. Since they've lived together, best friend has got a girlfriend who utterly despises me and all of his other female friends. They've been together a year and now none of his old friends see him and he mostly stays at her house. Fine, his choice, whatever.

But she's been repeatedly aggressive and confrontational to me, despite my efforts to make friends. When we have been at the same events, she's usually very drunk and either glares at me or will confront me about how I'm not nice enough to her (I have invited her to my house or to hang out repeatedly - she refuses. I added her on various forms of social media - she's now blocked me on everything). We now have little interaction, though sometimes see each other at boyfriend/best friends' flat, where she'll immediately leave the room or respond in one-word answers if I try to speak to her. It's frankly awkward, childish and embarrassing.

Apparently, she's nice as pie at their flat when I'm not there. Boyfriend tells me she's like a different person. He fairly regularly messages me to say they're all hanging out, or about something she said.

AIBU to say I don't want to hear it?

AIBU to feel let down, not just by best friend but by boyfriend, that they don't call her out on her behaviour?

Why don't you call her out on her behaviour? Personally I'd have already asked her outright just what the fuck her problem was.
You're not wrong to tell your boyfriend you don't want to hear it though-almost like he enjoys rubbing your face in it...

I haven't challenged her on her behaviour whilst it's happening in the past because she's drunk, aggressive and confrontational and frankly I think she'd punch me if I did. I have raised it with her and her boyfriend the day after on a couple of occasions, always in a positive 'we can all be bad drunks sometimes, it's weird but let's move on and hang out at a sober event sometime' but that's always declined. I did message her after the last event (where she sought me out, dragged me into a corner and shouted at me) saying we need to sort this out, and she blocked me.

This has been going on for a year now and I'm so sick of it. They're moving away soon so I doubt I'll see much of my previous best friend of 10 years again, but I feel quite betrayed by my boyfriend because he agrees she acts atrociously towards me but is still happy to be her mate when I'm not around.

It's not just me, best friend used to have lots of close female friends and now has none. The girlfriend is fine with him having male friends and charming to them though...

I'm sure her behaviour comes from insecurity and jealousy yadda yadda but she's fucking horrible.

I'd call her out. If she punches you then she punches you. At least you'll know that you've stood up for yourself.
If your best friend and boyfriend don't back you up then you know precisely where you stand with them

So he's happy to spend time with someone who is aggressive to you?

Well, that shows you how much he rates you, doesn't he?

I barely see her other than at theirs, when she'll normally walk off and slam the door when I arrive.

I guess I should have confronted her more back then, but I am not a very confrontational person...

Yes in your shoes I'd feel very hurt, let down and disappointed at both best friend and boyfriend - particularly boyfriend who is happy to be friendly with someone who is so rude and aggressive towards you.

What do they both say about it when you've told them how this makes you feel?

I know how you feel. Ex-bfs housemate/best mates gf hated me. She lived there. I used to hide in his room if I visited and he wouldn't pull her up on it. He went nuts when I was eventually rude back. Eventually we all graduated and moved out and moved on.... but silence was the only answer. It sounds like your friend has really cut himself off though.

I'm not impressed with your OH. That's your problem.

He shouldn't be hanging around with such a bitch imo. He should be calling her out on her venomous behaviour. And you should be slapping her face tbh.

They both agree she's really rude to me.

The best friend says when he's spoken to her about it, she's claimed I am rude to her, and effectively flounced off. I hate that my previously rational and caring friend is willing to be so transparently manipulated, to the extent that he's now isolated and basically does what she says.

The boyfriend says I am friendly towards her (I am, because any sign of dissent is used as a reason why best friend shouldn't see me), so why shouldn't he be?

She's quite pretty and blonde and skinny, and I think completely used to being the princess and centre of attention in any scenario. She throws dramatic drunk strops a lot and lives with her parents (she's in her late 20s). She gives the kind of evils I haven't seen since Year 8.

You clearly don't like each other but I don't think it's fair to judge someone for living with their parents at any age.

Fair point Lady however she does behave like a spoilt teenager and I think not having to pay rent and having her washing done for her ties into that. It's not really relevant though.

Boyfriend is now pissed off with me for saying I didn't want to hear about her, so they're all having a nice evening in.

DS did your relationship with the boyfriend survive?

Tbh I am polite to her and still friends with the best friend because I feel like she's completely cut him off from his friends (and family). He no longer sees people he used to be very close to and only socialises with her friends. I get that it's his choice but I'd say the way she treats him is emotional abuse at least - constant drunk dramatics and pushing his friends away.