To think maybe a 2.5 year old shouldn’t play with scissors?

[IkeaGrinch]

I know this Mum through a mutual friend and through seeing her and her DC at groups and playgrounds etc. Don’t know her very well, but a few things she’s said recently shocked me a bit and I’m wondering if I’m just over sensitive or if other people would be surprised.

She’s said a few times that her parenting approach is to let her DC be independent and join in with stuff like making meals or cleaning up. That sounds great, and I actually try to do the same, but I was a bit concerned about a few things she’s said.

1. Recently she was late for a group and she explained it by saying her DD (age 2.5) had cut through her (Mum’s) shoelaces! She later said that she’s still letting DD have the scissors out in an art box she has access to all the time as it’s important that she doesn’t feel punished by having the scissors taken away and she needs to know she’s trusted to use things like scissors safely. AIBU, or is letting a 2.5 year old have unsupervised access to scissors sharp enough to cut shoe laces a bit dodgy?

1. Her DD had a cut on her hand, nothing serious, but her Mum said she’d done this when cutting up potatoes. Again - letting a 2.5 year old use a knife sharp enough to slice through a potato? I let my DC cut up stuff like bananas using a kids table knife (always supervised) but I’d definitely not allow them to use a sharp adult knife. AIBU?

1. In a conversation about Christmas she said her DD had broken two wine glasses while helping with the washing up. I get that kids love to help with the washing up, but isn’t it better to limit them to washing up less breakable stuff, or at least not glass that is fragile and has the potential to cause quite nasty injuries?

I don’t feel like I know her well enough to ask her about this stuff so I’m wondering if I’m being over sensitive or if other people would be a bit shocked by this as well. She clearly loves her DC to bits and I’m sure she thinks she’s doing the best thing for them so I’m definitely not saying I think she’s an awful Mum or anything, I’m just wondering if I’m unusual in being quite shocked at some of these stories, or if I’m just an overprotective worrier!

At that age I was saying yes to scissors (the blunt ones for crafty stuff), no to sharp knives, yes to glasses. But everyone's got their own approach to safety, my friend's 5 y/o is only given plastic cutlery and plates, which I find weird. Another friend's boys were helping cut veg since preschool, which again seems strange to me.

There is a a name for this type of parenting. I saw it on a parenting documentary. There theory is if the child has always been included in such activities then it is safe.

There's a brilliant book called The Continuum Concept that deals with this-letting children learn by doing things alongside grown ups using real tools.

I saw a documentary about people living in Russia,they lived by a lake and their main food was fish, they showed a 3 year old with a knife almost as big as she was gutting and filleting fish. Obviously the way of life is different but we shouldn't be over protective.You can get safety scissors and a knife that will cut through veg but not skin.

Why the hell are you so invested in this?!

We have a picture of my daughter at about 2 with a crow bar pulling nails out of floorboards for us. between my dc I also have them using a saw to cut wood...and a hammer....and plane and all sorts.

The difference is.... they were allowed to use the real tools, but were always supervised to make sure they were safe.

They had plastic scissors in craft boxes until about 4-5yrs,

My dd has constant access to scissors from 2-2.5 years old. They were in the craft box and we just let her use them when she wanted to. As a result, she's brilliant with scissors. She carries them correctly and is very good at cutting out neatly (she's now 4). She's only nipped herself once with them and only used them inappropriately once (cutting the sleeve of her new pjs which upset her when she realised she'd ruined them). I don't think access to scissors is a reason to be worried.

As for the knife and washing up, it depends if she's being supervised or not. I wouldn't let a 2.5 year old roam free with a knife but helping to cut potatoes isn't exactly a crime. Her nicking herself with the knife will teach her how to be more careful next time.

I definitely lean more towards your friends style of parenting than yours. How can children learn to take calculated risks, develop self confidence and self esteem when they’re constantly bubble wrapped? No wonder kids are experiencing such rates of anxiety and depression

This is the forest school ethos.

My children had access to scissors at all times at 2. It was part of the "child led" ethos. Key point being that they were supervised.

Unsupervised access to scissors will often lead eventually to a rather drastic haircut.

Thanks for the replies everyone, it’s interesting to hear other parents perspectives on this. Bertrand, I’ll have a look for that book, it sounds really interesting.

Glitter, I’m not sure I’m particularly invested in it TBH! I saw a parenting style that interested me and I asked on a parenting forum for others opinions of it.

MissT, I agree about the supervision element. I think if the scissors were only available when an adult was there I wouldn’t have batted an eyelid, but it was just the thought that a sharp pair of scissors could probably cause quite a nasty injury and might be best used under supervision.

user, I’m not sure that not giving a child access to sharp scissors or allowing them to wash fragile glass objects necessarily means they are bubble wrapped. There’s a happy medium somewhere in between, right?

It’s actually all part of attachment parenting- children learn alongside their parents, doing real work. For example, using a real knife to cut up vegetables for dinner, rather than a plastic one to cut up pretend carrots. The book talks about a mother whose job in her community was grating cassava root doing it with her baby crawling about round her. As soon as the child showed an interest, she produced a grater that was fully functional but just the right size, so the child could do a real job, and learn to be a contributing member of her society. A lot about children fitting in to their community, not having lots of special consideration made for them. It made huge sense to me.

Sounds fascinating. I will definitely try to get a copy.

I’m very interested in the Montessori approach, which of course also emphasises involving children in real, purposeful activity. One thing I have always struggled with though is balancing giving opportunities to participate with keeping DC safe. For instance, I’d definitely let my DC use scissors when supervised but I struggle with the idea of them being used without an adult watching and stepping in if necessary. I’d also encourage DC to wash up crockery and cutlery but for me letting such a young child handle fragile wine glasses feels like it’s on the wrong side of the involvement vs safety spectrum.

OP you sound a little helicopterish.

I don't see anything wrong with a toddler using scissors and helping chop veg/wash up. Yes they will get cut or grazed and drop things but that's how they learn to be careful and responsible. I honestly don't see any danger, I just see a child being left to learn and encouraged to make mistakes and be independent enough to learn from them.

Too many times I have seen toddlers who are more than capable of a task be smothered by the parent. E.g the other week at the park a toddler (I'd guess just over 2) who was trying to climb up the ramp to get to a slide. She slipped a little bit and lost footing on one leg but regained it within seconds and was fine. She then looked over to her mum (which is perfectly normal to check mums reaction and gauge how to respond - sort of a 'is that okay mummy, am I okay?'). The mum rushed straight over which then of course made the toddler anxious and scared about what had just happened. Mum picked toddler up and cradled her and toddler started balling her eyes out despite no injury or major accident.

I prefer to watch from the sidelines and if my kids get annoyed at not being able to do something or do something wrong or hurt themselves I will then intervene with a little encouragement and maybe a hug for some reassurance (if really needed). I find it a lot less stressful and my kids do too.

I know a slip at the park is different to a cut from a knife but what I am trying and probably failing to explain is that many parents are actually halting their children's chance of independence because they are intervening at every single hurdle and not letting their kids take risks and make mistakes. You may not agree with the way your friend is parenting but please try to see it from her point of view as well as your own. You aren't comfortable with letting kids do certain things whereas she is a more relaxed parent, and that is fine.

And to finally answer your OP yes I do think you are an overprotective worrier and you really don't need to worry about what your friend does and doesn't let her perfectly capable toddler do under her own roof.

The more children do things the better they get.
I was mortified when I went to a cafe with a friend and she let her 2yo carry stacked porcelain plates and cups from deserted tables to the counter. The child didn't drop a single one though, I was impressed. (But still on edge!)

I'm not sure how I feel about sharp knifes and glass though. The amount of times I've almost stabbed myself by being thoughtless is crazy.

ooos, as you said yourself, a slip at the park is different to a cut from a knife. I agree with you about the playground incident you described and I’d try not to intervene in those circumstances.

I think a big part of my concern is the lack of supervision. To me, if a child is young enough to think it would be okay to cut through a pair of shoelaces then they’re perhaps also young enough to think it would be okay to try cutting an electrical cord for example.

Another example is that my friend said she leaves candles on the coffee table which her DD is fascinated with. She described being out of the room and coming in to find DD mesmerised by the flickering light and shadows. (For context, we were talking about Christmas tree lights and toddlers.) For her, this is fine as her DD has been told candles are hot and not to be touched. But, my experience is that toddlers are incredibly impulsive and curious and I’d worry that either they’d decide to see for themselves how hot it really is, or they’d decide to “show” a toy the candle and accidentally cause a fire.

I guess I can’t see what a child can learn from unsupervised access to things like scissors and candles that they couldn’t also learn while being directly supervised by an adult.

Queen, I agree about children getting better through practice and that’s really cool about your friends DC being so confident carrying plates. Like you, I’ve often hurt myself on knives or glasses washing up, which I think is why I’d choose to let a child so young learn to wash up or help with dinner by using items that have less potential to cause quite nasty injuries to adults let alone children.

I think the key is supervision! I let mine have access to sharp scissors at that age, but it had to be at the kitchen table, no walking around with them. Same with knives and washing up. Let them cut cucumbers or potaotes (not something hard like a carrot) next to me. But I am not in the UK and it is very much a different ethos over here. It is expected that DC can do these things before going to kindy at 4. Also that they can safely grill food over an open fire by themselves. Same with candles, we have them out at Christmas and DC have been allowed to light them since the age of 3.
The only time we had a burnt toy was when DD put one inside a bedside lamp on holiday. Old style lamp with a traditional bulb lightbulb and shade. She'd never seen one before, had no idea they got hot! It would never have occurred to me to supervise that.

I have a 2 year old that has used sharp knives, an electric screwdriver, washed glasses, etc.

I lean more towards her style than yours which is unnecessarily overprotective. However, I wouldn't leave scissors unsupervised although my child would get supervised access to them.

And no to flames FFS