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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask how much you help your primary age kids with homework?

24 replies

Happyhappyveggie · 17/01/2018 19:17

DS is just 10 (2 weeks ago) and in year 5. He doesn’t get loads of homework- but does get 6 tasks every fortnight related to either maths/ literacy or current topics.

Generally we have to help him quite a lot to do the homework and I have no idea how much of an indelendent learner he should be at 10?

They have just had to do a family tree & we had to help him loads.

Aibu to worry? Or am I being unrealistic in terms of what he’s expected to do. He’s quite bright but struggles with his literacy a bit and is probably middle of the class.

I don’t even remember getting homework in Year 5 let alone doing it. He’d rather play after school/ watch tv etc.

Aibu?

OP posts:

MsVestibule · 17/01/2018 19:25

I go through fits and starts of having to help my DD(Y6). Some of it stumps me 😬.

It might be worth speaking to his teacher to see how much s/he expects you to help?

TerracottaAmy · 17/01/2018 19:26

I used to help mine all the time at that age, I did worry that when they went to High School it would be a problem, but they've been fine and are mostly independent now

Allthewaves · 17/01/2018 19:29

My eldest is 9 and I don't help him wih homework as such. We go through at start of each week what he has to do and I check each day he's done the bits he needed to do. And I listen to him read

Original poster

Happyhappyveggie · 17/01/2018 19:33

DS reads a lot by himself and enjoys it. He does some things by himself but we do need to prompt him quite regularly. I just worry a lot I think

OP posts:

MissT84 · 17/01/2018 19:39

my dc is yr 5 too....

if its a homework sheet....he does it all on his own.

If its a "research" piece....I will ask what he is going to research, what terms he will use... Basically get him thinking about what hes going to do before, and make sure he is on the correct lines as what the homework task wants. He will occasionally ask for help to find something: for example he had to find out something under a certain title but he couldn't find it, I used a different term and found what he needed. But on the whole he does these pieces almost independently.

undertheradarplease · 17/01/2018 19:40

It depends.

All children need SOME support with their homework, but IMO I’d rather spend lots of time helping my child to complete a really exciting project, which they'll benefit from, as opposed to sitting for hours whilst they fill in work sheets.

My oldest dc is in high school now, but at her primary school the demands of homework were so great that I had to help her otherwise the whole evening was consumed with us doing homework.

One teacher in particular (year 4) sent so much homework that it was taking her 1-2 hours per evening, 5 days a week! The homework mostly consisted of sheets upon sheets of maths and comprehension activities - not particularly beneficial imo. In the end, she got so upset and stressed about it all that I set a timer for 20 minutes on my phone. Anything that wasn’t completed after the timer went was put back in her book bag.

I found that helping her to focus on the task at hand usually encouraged her to work independently. Before she started, I encouraged a ‘think through.’ I ask her to tell me what needs doing and ask her what she already knows about the task ahead. How long does it need to be? Can it be done on the computer or by hand? What ideas does she have?

Most kids really need help organising their thoughts. Lots of parents don’t want to/can’t find the time to help.

Starlight2345 · 17/01/2018 19:40

Ds (10) year 6 . I tell him to do it otherwise would not occur to him . Help if he asks . Our school stopped the topic a couple of years ago Otis far better

Original poster

Happyhappyveggie · 17/01/2018 19:42

I think maybe I am not helping DS in terms of not asking the right questions and maybe also helping him too much! I think with his next homework I am going to take a different approach and see what happens

OP posts:

Eolian · 17/01/2018 19:50

I hardly help my 9 yo ds at all. I look at his homework, check that he's happy that he knows what he's doing with it and then leave him to it. Obviously I'd help if he were unsure, but that rarely happens. I do help him with practising times tables.

iamyourequal · 17/01/2018 19:51

My DS went through primary managing most homework independently. But things I remember helping him with heavily included arts projects (he didn't have the inclination or apptitude) and holy homework books. Other than Ty hat, mainly just listening to his reading and checking his sentences. My DD is great at the arty and creative stuff, but often needs encouragement to do her maths and occasionally help with it. OP I would not worry I'm sure all the kids would have needed a lot of help with the family tree. Kids get mad ideas about lineage!

Ophelialovescats · 17/01/2018 19:55

Never.
My eldest three are all graduates and the youngest is in 6 th form and they never asked for help apart from verbal put when asked to research things.

SingingSeuss · 17/01/2018 20:00

She's keen at the moment (yr 1) and they don't get much so I don't need to prompt. I wouldn't help outside of encouragement or asking ' what do you think'. I don't see the point. How are they going to learn if they don't do it themselves?

SparklyLeprechaun · 17/01/2018 20:02

Not at all, but I've got to remind them to do it or they'll conveniently forget. Maybe once a month one or the other might ask me a question but that's about it.

TwoKidsAndCounting · 17/01/2018 20:13

My 9 year old needs very little help (around 6 tasks a night). My 7 year old needs me to sit with her every night to assist with 4 tasks. My 5 year old now has 2 tasks and needs little help until the reading starts (shortly) where she'll need my full attention. It's a full time job this homework carry on and takes up 1 1/2 hours per evening. Incredibly stressful when you don't finish work til 5pm then dinner, homework and rushing out the door for extra curricular

AmberTopaz · 17/01/2018 20:16

I don’t help mine unless they ask for it (which is rare). But a family tree does sound like the sort of thing they would need help with. They can’t really know that on their own can they?

Edien · 17/01/2018 20:19

I usually read it first and if a work sheet check in after a few minutes to see if they are on the right track or if some steering is needed.
For more larger open tasks, the school encourages a chat to help form and develop their ideas. I usually hover then for the first minute or two when they get started. Towards the end I usually get them to reread the task and check they have done all that was asked or if they have forgotten to put a conclusion in /forgotten to give an opinion/ or some other key part of the task or project. Then a nudge to wrap it up!

I think it encourages them to do independent work but also reinforces in them good approaches to tackling the work.

Original poster

Happyhappyveggie · 17/01/2018 20:21

Ironically my 6 year old is super enthusiastic about homework & wants to do it herself when she needs a bit of guidance to understand what to do.

DS just seems find it all very stressful and gets upset hence needing more support. I think he’s not very confident and I feel a bit like I am failing as a parent sometimes as I never seem to get it right in terms of too much support/ not enough.

OP posts:

Original poster

Happyhappyveggie · 17/01/2018 20:22

We’ve never had any guidance from the school on how best to approach homework actually

OP posts:

Edien · 17/01/2018 20:27

I also want to see their work and want to see them tackling it rather than them just getting on with it elsewhere. It lets me know how they are doing. If they are struggling, I can occasionally offer a new approach or technique or a new angle that will get them over and confident with whichever thing they are currently finding tricky.

formerbabe · 17/01/2018 20:35

I've always had to help loads with their homework. Some of it had been quite vague homework think "create a Victorian scene". Things like that,my DC need lots of help with.

NotAChristmasCakePop · 17/01/2018 20:36

DD is year 6 and we help as much as needed which is what we were told when we asked her teacher - both last year and this year.

This year though there has been more independence in her doing the work, but still needs prodding to make a start.

Leeds2 · 17/01/2018 20:56

My DD is 19 now, but I used to help her with all her homework at primary. Spellings, tables, reading every day - at first reading to me, and then I signed her reading record to say which pages of which book she had read. With the longer written homework, such as English, History, geography etc I would sit with her whilst she did it, but didn't offer an opinion unless asked!

babybythesea · 18/01/2018 08:19

DD is year 4. She gets one piece of homework a week (which doesn't include spelling practice, times table practice or reading, all of which I help her with - she reads independently but the school like them to read out loud to someone three times a week).
On the day the homework is set I ask what it is, and then we talk about what we are doing over the weekend, and when would be a good time to try and get it done. Basically, I talk her through a bit of time management. (If you are going to dancing on Saturday morning, and B's house on Sunday, do you think Saturday afternoon might be a good time to do it?) If it's English, I get her to think about it. So this week they had to write a persuasive piece and I talked to her in the car about it on the way home from school (got her to choose who she wanted to write about, for example) so that by the time she sat down to write it she already knew pretty much what she was going to do. Any help after that is if she asks for it. English, that usually means me reading the finished piece and saying 'Great, pop it in your book bag). Maths, I end up sitting with her. She can do it but has no confidence so I generally end up reading each question with her, asking her if she knows what to do, trying to leave her to do it and then coming to sit back down at the table as she panics and tells me she can't do it. As she proceeds to do it by herself....! We're working on this.

JoandMax · 18/01/2018 08:24

DS1 is year 5 and I tend to sit and chat through his homework with him to make sure he understands what’s expected and then leave him to it. He does it downstairs so I’m generally nearby and he asks me if he needs any help.

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