To feel upset at this childish behaviour

[duskmum]

Was dating a guy at work. We were friends before and got on so well. I said let's be friends and he became distant. Now it's awkward at work. I try not let it be. We do drinks rounds and he offered me one and I thought oh good he's ok. I offered him one he didn't even respond shook his head. I sat down and then he got up to make his own. He knew I could see him. It's so childish. He didn't do this to anyone else. I know it sounds so pathetic but it's making me work life hard. I feel emotionally drained when I get home and just want to cry. I wish I could rewind and we could just be friends again. AIBU to be annoyed/upset at his childish behaviour?

Maybe he feels hurt? Blanking you is his coping strategy. Men often bottle their feelings up, especially in situations like this. He would much rather avoid you entirely and deal with his feelings alone, but is forced to be around you because of work so copes as best he can.

I don't think the drinks thing is necessarily as bad as you think. I do this all the time at work, most of whom I've never had a relationship with. Someone offers me a drink, I decline because I don't want one, but the suggestion eats away and I usually change my mind as soon as the person has finished with the kettle.

Sleeping with friends often changes the dynamic irreversibly. Can you speak to him about it?

chelle he might feel hurt but so do I. He didn't take it well and blocked my number. The only reason I suggested us being friends as he didn't seem keen for a week and this was my way of protecting my feelings. I just feel it's such a mess and we both have not said our piece so it's all up in the air.

deranged I was thinking of suggesting to speak and clear the air. Problem is my number is blocked so the only way I can contact him is via work email or face to face in the office and I'm not so sure he will agree to meet with me

Did it end badly?

Yea. I had alot going on that week. A few deaths and he started acting strange at the beginning of the week saying he felt down and was fed up with things not to do with me. He distanced himself and so I said let's be friends because I didn't want to be messed around. His response was right ok any reason, so I said I felt we weren't on the same page and let's be friends and not bitter. He replied well I had an off week. And then blocked me

Sounds like he still has feelings OP. Anyone can have an off week.

You guys should probably talk.

I think we do too but the problem will be getting him to actually speak to me. I don't think he will

So he felt down and you ditched him and said let's be friends. No wonder the poor blokes feeling off with you. He told you he was going through tough patch and you ditched him

I may be completely off the mark but generally if someone goes out of their way to avoid you, it's probably because there are still feelings there and as long as you approach it out of kindness and not obstinance he'll probably talk to you.

Don't do it at work though, maybe meet for coffee or something.

waves it weren't quite like that. We arranged to meet then all of a sudden he had a family meal. He hardly spoke to me when he had been so keen. Then tried to arrange another time to meet and he was vauge and didn't seem up for it. I felt like her weren't interested or maybe meeting up with someone else. So to save my feelings since I've been so hurt before I panicked and said let's be friends. Looking back I should have not cancelled and met up with him and asked him if everything was ok.

No 100% not at work.

He wasn't available for a week? Sounds like you were quick to ditch. But only you know the tone etc

No I was being very understanding that he had to go for a meal with his family. It's just the way he was acting. He went from joking and light hearted to distant, not interested and said he felt down. All after he had a night out with friends so I panicked and thought he weren't interested/seeing someone else and said let's be friends before it got messy. But it's gotten messy anyway and obviously both me and him are angry/hurt. Don't know how to get him to talk to me to clear the air.

The distance could have been because he was feeling down. He may still be feeling down and since you’ve ended it, that may be contributing so he’s avoiding you.

Now I feel awful that I could have read the situation wrong and panicked for no reason! I really don't think he's going to talk to me

You could try again - but if it goes pear-shaped you'd be worse off than now. How about just carrying on as you are at work, and giving him space to work through his feelings?

Right him a note. Say that you had both had a bad week, and you were worried about losing his friendship if things were going to get messy. Ask what he wants to do about it, as you can see you are both still upset.

He doesn't have to be friends with you. It sounds like he is civil but doesn't want to be mates. That's all you can ask for really.

Yea. I had alot going on that week. A few deaths
You had a few deaths in one week?
Are you looking at the wrong thing in your life in order to avoid the deaths? One death is traumatising, two is pretty devastating, but a few in one week? Are you ok, OP?

barb try again if he wanted to though. This is the issue I feel an atmosphere at work and I feel so drained and upset by the end of the day.

Dating had only been about a month and yes he was very keen. Chasing me. Yes we slept together and the distancing happened about a week after. In that week though things were great, it only after his night out things changed but then he text me that night when he got home a really nice message.

Yes lost a family pet who was very old and then 2 days later my GF passed so was a tough week. I'm ok thank you. The funeral is in a few weeks so that will be a hard day. He did know my GF was dying and he didn't have long. So I think that's where my anger came from towards him. But he may have his own issues

Well he responded from my message last night asking to talk. He replied panicking thinking I was pregnant! Obviously made it clear I weren't and he has said we can meet next week after work. We will see, I'm not confident this will happen though