About partners lack of thought?

[Bear2902]

Hi,

I’ve been with my partner for just coming up to a year. We both split from our exes and both have children. We met about 6 months after the splits.

I have an semi-amicable relationship with my ex but we only ever talk/text if we need to about the children. My partners ex had an affair but just seems to constantly try and make his life a nightmare - constantly texting, emailing etc telling him how bad a dad he is, how he should change stuff to suit her etc.

In NovemberI bought him a jumper he had wanted for ages, it was very expensive and he was over the moon. It was for Christmas but I gave it to him early as we weren’t together over Christmas. However, he has worn it about 4 times but never once when with me. He always seems to wear it when he’s going to get his daughter from his ex or when he takes his daughter to his ex’s family (he is still very close to his ex’s parents and sister and will visit them at least once a week).

It’s got to me a little as why would he want to wear something like that on such an occasion but not wear it when he is going out with me? I did briefly bring it up and he said it was unintentional but I’m unsure.

Maybe he wants her to see what she is missing? Maybe she once said he looked nice so he wears it all the time to impress her?
Or maybe it's bloody cold and it's a waste jumper?
If you think he spends too much time stuck in the past with these folks then tell him!!

Warm jumper!!

They are still invested in one another. Power plays, snipes, digs. Whatever.
They sound like a nightmare and you sound lovely. Caring and stable.
I get the feeling he isn't. Just a tingle of a thought and tell me to keep my old Biddy snout out, but that kind of toxic carry on is spilling into your life.
Keep your ankles dry.

He is lovely and is always doing things to show me how he feels about me but there is just this little thing that makes me very guarded.

You are right about the power play - they argue for days via email over the fact his ex wants to go away on holiday with her new partner but they can’t agree on a date. She is a bit of a cow - she never does the pick ups or drop offs, demands money all of the time and will text him at 1am to tell him he’s an arsehole and that she’s going to get a court order forcing him to change his job and do the school runs.

He’s still o angry with her for cheating he won’t let it go and just try and be amicable.

Until he stops being angry, I don't think he can be fully present in your relationship. One foot in the past.
They both sound like a couple of kids and you are the only grown up present.
I know he sounds sweet but you have been together 6 months or so. All of this is going to be very dull and boring in the future. That fighting actaully takes energy out of you too.
He has got a long way to go to get past his resentment but to me, the putting on the nice jumper for her to see is his non verbal way of saying "Look. I am worth something..so there. Look what someone did for me."
Pathetic. Sorry. He is using your thoughtful gift as two fingers to her.