To be sick to death of hearing about the world of work from someone who's never worked?

[MerryShitmas]

Which is, my mum. She's in her 40's. Had a job mucking out stables when she was under 16. Hasn't worked since (her choice).
Every time I speak to her about my job, not only does she try to give me pointers (which are 9/10 incorrect) but If I have a bit of a whinge, which I've since stopped, she'll say things like
"God, I wouldn't put up with that! I'd throw something at him and go home and never come back" (regarding fairly normal managerial arseholery, nothing illegal/discriminating/more than a bit annoying)

I've also been on the receiving end of
"God can you believe Jane couldn't come to x with me on Saturday? She couldn't get the day off. Pfft. Can't believe people let employers dictate to them!" 'Jane' is a nurse

Today she's had a huge moan at me because my sister can't go over on x day because she has to work. My mum can't see why she can't just say no. When I point out sister could lose pay, be in trouble or lose her job my mums default response is "well she's very good at her job I'm sure she'd have a new one in no time!" Aibu? Think I just want to vent
I'm at the point of ignoring it and giving a sympathetic "mmmm" once in a while. It's really bloody irritating.

Oh yes. Gems from my mum when I was in my 20s like 'why can't you be a doctor'. Erm..because they don't let you into medical school with O levels in English, maths & history? Not to mention because I don't want to be a doctor.

MerryShitmas are you my sister? No? Then that means there's more than one of these mum's out there.....

No working at the moment (ill health) but our conversation ms used to be like:-

'Mum I'll be leaving at 5am, the meeting will last about 6 hours, then I'll be coming home. So I won't be phoning you tomorrow evening'
'No mum I can't tell them to have the meeting closer to my home'
'No mum I can't ask them to make it shorter'
'No mum I can't tell them I'm not going'
'No mum they don't care I have children'
'No mum I'm not having off the next day because it will be a long day'
'No mum I can't take you shopping that day just because I'm working from home'
No mum...........

Her jobs- waitress, barmaid, worked in a shop.
Mine- senior manager with 2million budget

But apparently she knew better than me, my employer could not ask me to do things, if it was her she would shout/slap/throw (delete as applicable) at her boss, she just wouldn't go in, she would leave, she would tell them to f**k off and so on. So out of touch with the real world!

And not understand that yes my contract says 37.5 hours, but I've done 72 hours this week because it's the needs of the business. The board are meeting and have asked for a detailed report on something. I can't just say 'sorry it's over my hours' business does not work like that- wish it bloody did and wash that easy! Jeez we would all have a great work/life balance.....and thing should take 3x's as long to achieve

Curiously, did work ever work like that, do you think Snowysky?

My parents had very easy office jobs in terms of working hours (i've never had a job that stipulated 9-5, it's always been 9-5.30 but overtime expected as business needs), no such thing as taking away work in the evenings, but i always thought they'd been fairly unusually lucky to have such a setup even many decades ago.

yet some of the responses here akin to my parents ("I wouldn't stand for that commute/ I wouldn't take that work home / why don't you get the morning off after you get in at 11pm that night")... why and how did that attitude change then?

everyone I know is either unemployed by choice, unemployed by no choice, underemployed (zero hrs, basically), or massively overworked.

i can't think of a single one of my friends/relatives my age where anyone has normal, low/mid-level stable employment where you just do a normal 40 hrs a week for a fair wage. which is pretty shocking now that i've thought about it for a bit.

My dad asks why I bother putting my 2 year old son into nursery when I could work from home and look after him. Clearly doesn’t understand that you can’t watch a 2 year old and actually work at the same time

Yep, I have a DM who talks about my lovely free holidays abroad.

Let’s see, I got up at 4am to get to the airport for a 7am flight, I arrived at my destination at 1130 when I walk straight into a meeting. We have a working lunch during that meeting. I then go straight to another team where I take them through a whole bunch of queries and confirm various things, this comes to an end at 6pm when one of the local bosses finds me as we are due to meet clients for drinks and dinner. I then spend hours being the life and soul in front of VIPs before falling into bed around midnight, in the equivalent of a travelodge (because there is no point spending ££££ on a hotel I’ll be in for such a short period). I then get up at 5am to get the flight back and am sat in my own office in the U.K. at 11am to debrief the had office team about the outcomes and what we need to do to support the regional team.

And yes, I have been repeatedly advised to tell the boss to fuck off when I explain the realities of my free holidays. Problem is, I am the boss.

I have had the opposite with a couple of friends of mine. Both worked in customer facing jobs (barmaid/receptionist), part time hours.

Both had the attitude of "I'll work when I want, don't tell me what to do, I don't do punctual" etc etc.

Both lost their jobs and to this day claim that they were unfairly treated (take them to a tribunal then!) and that they were being asked to perform above and beyond the call of duty. Because God forbid you turn up to work on time. The boss should be grateful they arrived at all, right? And wear uniform? What madness is this?

Drives me mad. I work part time and my boss is so flexible, so understanding and accommodating, that I return the favour, work extra hours, take stuff home etc. It doesn't impact massively on my life. One particular friend really can't get her head round it.

It's beyond me.

I agree with a lot of the posts on here, but some of them are a bit smug and patronising.

There are lots of people in the 'world of work' today who expect to be able to go home on time, and do not check emails and work phones at weekends or on holidays. It's not some kind of archaic, quaint way of doing things.

DH's Godmother is like this. She didn't get why Dh couldn't just get his employers to let him do his oil-rig based job from 'somewhere more local' rather than him working away. She's also not sure why he "lets them get away" with paying him less now he's based at home all the time in a "slightly" (very!) different job.

She also thinks BIL should just quit the job that he currently hates and just get a job with the council or the tax office. Apparently that's what 'everyone' does. Leaves school and gets a job in one of those two. To be fair they were major employers in the town in the 70's and 80's. Slightly less so in the 90's and now there's about a third of the people left in the tax office and it's closing in the next couple of years (sorry, not closing, it's being centralised...).

She's never worked. She married at 17 and never needed too. Her husband did leave school and get a job the next day in the tax office so that's what she thinks people can still do.

I have an aunt like this. She keeps talk how hard she has worked, and how she would never stand for X, Y, Z. She literally cannot hold a job down but insist she has 'worked all her life' and judges everyone's employers. She once took a job as a cleaner at an NHS hospital, lasted two shifts, before going on the sick with a bad back 'caused by the cleaning machine' and never went back. She started a job at a florists two days before valentines day, and walked out when they asked her to stay an extra hour on 14th Feb!

Why has she never worked?

I am 59 and have worked all of my life except for 4 years when DD was little and had medical issues that precluded me from being able to work.

She didn't get why Dh couldn't just get his employers to let him do his oil-rig based job from 'somewhere more local' rather than him working away.

I think this is actually my favourite story in the entire thread. I beam every time I read it.

Please could you encourage her to tell you all about how to manage oil rig working, and report back to us? It'll be classic.

I'm the only one working atm my husband is at home with baby while studying. My dad couldn't believe I was going back to work after maternity leave. He said can't they keep your job open? I said they have. For 9 months I won't get any money if i don't.

She sounds annoying, but almost, jealous? Defensive of you? There's something that isn't quite clueless about this that i can't put my finger on. Like she wants to share our have a job and tell them off.

But yes, annoying too.

One of my relatives is like this.
Had a good job, worked his way up, got on the housing ladder in thr 80s. Retired early. No mortgage.

Standard life advice- go self employed abd be your own boss. I don't know why you put up with some.of the crap you do. I'd be telling them x y z.

I'm a teacher in a state comprehensive. I do hold my own against the crap quite well but also get diplomacy goes a long way. Plus, whilst pur terms and conditions are being eroded, they are better than being self employed.

I used to get something along these lines from my late DM. Not in relation to work,but life in general. She was very quick off the mark to assume that people were taking advantage of me,and that I was never assertive enough. e.g. if I'd had a problem with the doctors receptionist she'd say 'I wouldn't stand for that! I'd have gone in there with all guns blazing and read them the riot act!'. Which was something my meek and mild mother would NEVER have done. And if I complained about my then husband being unreasonable,she'd say 'I'd never have put up with that from your father'. Erm,you did actually mum. You put up with 33 years of shit from my dad,because it was what most women did in those days.

This is so familiar, my dad's favourite and oft-repeated piece of advice to me is that I should find out who is in charge of authorising holidays and then subtly find out what they drink, then slip them a bottle with a wink, when putting in my holiday request.

Moral and ethical issues aside, as a senior manager, I pretty much decide my own holidays. Although my manager signs them off, it is on my declaration that I can take the time with no detrimental effects to business needs. Both parents (dad was self-employed, mum worked 10 hours per week in a shop, both retired 20 years ago) do not understand why I can't drop everything and take a three-week holiday each summer, with a further fortnight for winter sun later in the year. They seem utterly bemused by the idea of taking annual leave for a day/half-day or anything less than a week and think it is terrible that I have to use my annual leave for things like doctor/dentist appointments, funerals, boiler engineers, furniture deliveries etc. Apparently I should just tell my boss that I won't be in on these days and they will understand. Incidentally, they always refer to my boss as "he", despite me making it very clear that she is a woman.

My dad also likes to marvel at the fact that we are still paying a mortgage, 11 years after buying our house. When they bought the family home, they didn't holiday abroad for three years (they went to Scarborough instead), in order to pay off the mortgage and it would be easy for me to do the same.

Apparently I should just stop bringing work home in the evenings too; I am making a rod for my own back and if work piles up, they'll soon hire someone else to help out!

Like others, my mum gets particularly upset at the fact that my SiL - a doctor - has to work weekends and nightshifts. Again, she should just say no and just do mon-fri 9-5 instead. You can imagine the reaction when SiL had to work Christmas day this year!

I've kind of had the opposite problem, not from family but a high-flying friend. I was talking about the difficulties of getting back into the job market as a SAHM and my nagging feelings of not fulfilling my potential. She said 'What's your passion?'

The answer to that one is: I used to have a thing for books and reading. Other things like family and friends have encroached on that. I like reading, crafts and certain kinds of classical music. None of these have a great deal of currency in the job market. My high flying friend works in a STEM field. It's great if you're lucky enough to be talented that way, not so great if you're artistic or literary.

The mumsnet can't you just retrain drives me bonkers.

Yes I'll just fork out thousands of pounds that I've just got lying around to fund my uni course that I won't get funding for because I've already got a degree that I graduated in 25 years ago and is not relevant to my life at all.

Also where the hell would I retrain and in what field, I'm thick as shit, poor mental health and have kids that I can't get childcare for other than school and what my dp can do.

Retrain can fuck off

My mother is like this about every aspect of life. The whole world should run along the lines how she thinks they should be done - usually after 2 seconds of thought from the point of view of her own convenience.

She is getting worse as she gets older.

Yabu. Maybe she's not the right audience for your rants about work This. Also, now that dm is bringing it up herself could mean you have worried her and she can think of no other advice/empathy except to leave the situation. Stop worrying her, accept she doesn't have knowledge in this area and go moan elsewhere. Change the subject and give her a break.

@ratonastick - Yes!!

DH often does a f2f meeting in Amsterdam or Brussels. In one day. We live in the lake district. No, it's not a bloody holiday and he wouldn't do it unless he had to! Argh!

blackhearts, at the risk of sounding like one of those people...there are possibilities for you. I don't have to meet you to know that you absolutely not stupid, but you may hold yourself back for thinking that you are.

The Open University comes to mind, and there ARE loans available for these courses. Something that I think you could look at, though, is an accredited qualification in a complementary therapy such as aromatherapy or reflexology. They don't generally take more than a year to complete and you can do most if not all of it when it suits you; assuming your partner is supportive with childcare he should be able to help you. Then when you have the qualification you can set up on your own, or contact local gyms and wellness centres, which are often interested in being able to offer that kind of service.

I'm not saying it's easy or you'd walk into it, or even that it's necessarily right for you, but it really is a genuine possibility that is worth exploring. I say this because I'm a bit of a nut for alternative therapies (except homeopathy because that is dangerous shite; however, nice massages with scented oils do make me feel calmer and happier) and a lot of therapists I've spoken to did the training precisely because they were stuck career wise...and most of them seem to like it.