Have you ever been to prison?

[AhhhhThatsBass]

As an inmate, that is. Just that really. I was inspired by another threat I’ve been reading this evening.
What was it like, was it hell or was it bearable? I once watched a programme about a women’s prison and I remember thinking that it didn’t seem that bad, there was a good deal of support and camaraderie there but maybe I’m being completely naive.

(Nosy Me would love to know what you did but that might be a step too far)

Is it too nice?

No. Prison is not nice. When people prefer prison to their life on the outside, that tells you that their life on the outside is utterly shit, not that prison is nice.

This is worth a read as a starting point, btw: www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B008AWXBL0/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1&tag=mumsnetforum-21

Lady Edwina Grosvenor is married to Dan Snow. She seems lovely.

Yes, hence my name. it is part of my life history and I don't mind people knowing. It was a 3 year sentence for being part of a large and (blind eye turned, they said) rather corrupt organisation. It was an amazing experience, a bit like "Alice in Wonderland" . I worked through my trial, never expected to be convicted and arrived in the cells in my smart suit, looking like the middle aged middle class professional I had been. The other prisoners thought I must be a probation officer or solicitor there to see one of them.

I made some good friends, an anti Trident protester and someone on a charge of attempted murder which was rather exaggerated. For me my self preservation mode was that I felt as if I was a reporter rather than part of the system. You have to have an induction, like a job.

I was surprised that most of the other prisoners were nice to me and that most of the prison officers were not. I shared a cell with a repeat offender Jamaican drugs mule, serving 8 years. She complained about me because I read all the time but we became good friends. I met people from Tonga and Nigeria and a lot of people who were, in part, there carrying the rap for their partners.

I became very fit, lost 5 stone, and pondered a lot about whether someone who had offended should really be doing yoga on a Monday morning and not going out to work. Two fellow prisoners I knew well died of cancer. I became a Buddhist. I had a challenging job pot washing followed by a nice one assisting in the education department (art, maths, English).

One of my old school friends who is a magistrate came to see me dressed like an tart as a joke.

Some really funny things happened. they had a talent competition where one girl dressed up to do a belly dance. he bra wasn't very safe and fell off, she got third prize in the competition but was put on report for her behaviour!

there were some very sad moments too and I missed DH and my children like mad, but once I got days out it was much better. I even went to my old school reunion lunch on one day out! (Posh girls grammar)

I was let out after 13 months, on Christmas eve. I retrained for a new career and have been in that for 12 years now. My sons have done very well educationally and in their careers and DH and I are very happy.

My story is the exception, but in a way without that experience my life would be poorer. I'm always happy to answer any questions about my life inside.

One of my friends went to Australia for a few years and while there she worked as a nurse in a maximum security men's prison. She absolutely loved it. To this day, she says it's the best job she's ever done. She said all the prisoners were courteous and respectful to her and she never had any hassle. She said she got a lot more respect there than she ever did working in a hospital here.

A former work colleague spent about a year in prison for a fairly minor offence. He was in with other minor offence prisoners and said it wasn't as bad as he'd feared but he still wouldn't want to go back again. He worked in the kitchens which apparently is one of the better places to be. The company took him back in his job when he was released. He did say though that there are loads of guys in there who five minutes after they're released are deliberately getting themselves sent back in again because on the inside they have food, shelter, gym, education, laundry done, no expenses etc and as far as they're concerned it's easier to be in prison and have all that done for you than be on the outside and have to do it for yourself.

I had an ex who worked for a major confectionery company and at Easter and Xmas they'd be sending huge amounts of chocolates to prisons. The inmates were buying the eggs and selection boxes etc to give to their kids when they came in to visit them.

@ohfortuna For my parents sake I wish they didn't come because it upset my Mum so much, every time I spoke to her she was crying. From my point of view, I still wanted to see them. I loved receiving the emails and letters too.

I agree it wasn't that cliquey where I was, most people were actually pretty nice.

@namechanger0001 I'd imagine the shock and distress of seeing your son or daughter behind bars would be heartbreaking for any parent.

I hope you and your mum are both ok now (())

Ahhhthatsbass. It's not too nice at all. To anyone from a reasonably functional home it's horrible, but to someone who has never had their own bedroom, let alone a bed or bedclothes, who has been left to sleep in an outhouse with the dogs from toddlerhood and share their scraps of food, who was passed from her dad to his mates to her brothers as a fucktoy from age 10 (because she was ugly and backward so her they couldn't marry her off), to someone from a background like that prison is a haven. For some people just being able to lie in a bed after a hot meal and a warm shower and know that no one will rape you in the night is unimaginable.

Loo if that's you, all the
I hope you're somewhere better now.

Renfrewshire. That is so nice of you it has bought tears to my eyes. No it wasn't me thank god but someone I worked with in a prison. She had committed some violent crimes but given the circumstances she grew up in I am not surprised. She really didn't know any other way to live.

I had a pretty shit childhood in many ways but nothing compared to some of the offenders I met.

Prison visitor here - get set of keys and can move at will (mens prison in Scotland). The worst thing is the noise. It's loud and never ending. There are certainly drugs on the go (mainly spice) and that can be very dangerous. Prisoners are generally just there to do their time and get out so with a few exceptions, just want to get on with it and the minimum of fuss. It's regimented but where I go, everyone (almost all) are single cells. Generally own clothes are worn. TV's etc can be earned by small monies received for doing work/classes etc. Tell OH to keep their head down and neither a lender NOR ESPECIALLY a borrower be.

I haven't but I have worked in medium secure units with female offenders with learning disabilities, it was eventful, volatile and not very nice. They were always fighting and we were always in the middle of it, I had a broken bone once from restraining!
I also do know a woman who went to jail for manslaughter, I met her on another parenting forum so only know her virtually, but she was, really kind and caring!

My daughter was in styal. Not easy . She was beaten up twice. Spiked, harassed by other inmates , and yes it's shite for the families too

One thing I do remember from my time working in a women's prison is the fact that they voraciously watched the evening news on tv to see who was likely to end up with a sentence amongst them. Anyone who was due to come in for crimes against children was guaranteed to be given a very, very hard time from the off. I know throwing boiling water was a favourite 'punishment'.

As part of my legal training I spent some time observing various roles of prison workers. I visit for work maybe 3 times a year. In the country where I am prisons are awful. Some really awful home made drugs and gangs. Men's worse than women's, but still awful. Going to jail as an inmate is one of my biggest fears.

not me but exh was in Colchester for 6 months iirc, made some good mates but said it was hard

a friend worked in a womens prison for 4 months hated it and left lots of self harming, at least one attempted hanging a week

I can imagine, while not ‘nice’, why people might prefer being in prison to outside.

It’s not the same, but I was in a psychiatric hospital for three months. I was allowed out (once they’d watched me constantly for a few days to check I wasn’t a danger) but they’d write down what I was wearing, where I was going and when I’d be back. I wasn’t allowed to shave my legs without asking.

I fucking loved it. Live on the outside was so terrifying and hospital was so safe in comparison, I could happily give up my freedom for that.

Loonoonow thank you for the insight. I feel educated as to why people preferring to go to prison over the outside not equating to prisons being too nice. . If ever the proceeding emoji makes sense it does right now, I am clueless as to the toughness of life as some people experience it.

@ExConstance thanks for sharing that. And thanks to everyone for contributing to the thread. It makes me want to look into volunteering, albeit for different reasons than 99RedBalloons slash JK Rowling upthread.

I worked in a male prison. Was awful. Put me off going to prison if you see what mean. Having said that I'd rather go to a male prison than female. My visits to female prisons always concerned me more. Think females are much more manipulative.

Never as a inmate nor a visitor to an inmate.
I did work in a prison for a few years so went a few days a week, as staff. As part of my job I spent a lot of time with prisoners of all ages, from cat C prisoners right up to cat A and restricted. Mainly one to one. Went int heir work places, their study halls, library and even their cells.

Was a very interesting and enlightening few year - but I couldn't have done it for much longer.

Interesting thread.

A good friend has done a few stints, she hated being inside with Rose West and other child killers and abusers when she missed her children horribly.

We actually met inside a psychiatric hospital (both patients) but she said prison was completely different.

She has had a really shitty time of it, her life story is tragic and she has been an abuse victim. Between the alcohol dependency and MH problems, an eventual jail sentence was inevitable.

ElleDouble
Understand completely...I was in a psychiatric unit for 6 months 20 years ago...after the initial shock of no privacy and the chemical cosh I learned the 'rules' and after that it was like boarding school, restrictive but safe.
There are no longer places like that, which I think is very wrong...when you are ill its good to feel safe...In my job I have visited Styal...it is a hellhole

She has had a really shitty time of it, her life story is tragic and she has been an abuse victim. Between the alcohol dependency and MH problems, an eventual jail sentence was inevitable.

That's really tragic and, I suspect, really common. Were there any opportunities in prison for her that might have helped once she was out?

Yorick she dries out and always comes out looking a lot healthier. She has seen a Dr and had counselling while inside and eventually she ended up being a mentor and helping new inmates get settled.

Then she comes out goes back to her abusive partner and starts back on the drink. It's just an endless cycle.

There is proper statistics but there's a quite high percentage of female prisoners been abuse victims.

My dad has and the shame his mum and my mum felt was horrible to see. He stole from his employer to pay debts he owed from a lifelong gambling addiction. I remember breaking the news to my wonderful grandma she said ‘the bastard’ and then ‘oh your poor mum’. It was the first and last time I ever heard her swear. My mum lied to family and friends and said he was working away. The first prison he was in was horrible. The security procedures during visiting were very frightening especially for my Mum. She would visibly shake and cry from the minute we walked through the door. He was locked up with 3 young lads who all smoked for 23 hours a day (for the record I had no sympathy) until he was moved to an open prison where he learned computer skills and had a room to himself. When he came out my Mum became a different woman and took control of his finances, giving him a weekly allowance and not involving him in any financial decisions for several years. They’re still together amazingly. That sad part is that while he was inside his mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer and died a week after he came out. I don’t think he will ever not feel guilty for what he did but its not discussed anymore. What’s done is done.