New to management role. My team hate me. Help

[Morningstarone]

Hello. Not an AIBU but posting here for traffic and collective mumsnet wisdom. I'm fairly new to a senior management role (successfully with company 9 years in non management role) and I'm quite sure my new team hate me. Some current examples: 2 team members have quit since xmas, took team to an painful team lunch today awful atmosphere with stilted conversation etc. Team are listless and apathetic. I know I'm part of the problem: I'm not a big personality, lack charisma, my goal setting up and follow up is not always consistent. On the plus side I'm loyal, a good trainer, dedicated, fair and I WANT my team to succeed. My manager told me today that if I don't stop staff turnover then I'm up for review. Help how can I motivate my team and get them to believe in me. I'm desperate and not used to failing me and my team. How can I be a better leader? Please help.

Have you sat down with them all individually and asked them what they are currently happy with, what they don't like in the job/team etc? Career plans and goals? Does the team get on with each other?
Sounds tough. Consistency is important.

Who did you replace? Were they big shoes to fill?

Delatron's ideas are good. I would ask them for ideas and what they think is not working, how could things improve, and really listen to the answers and be open with them about what you can change. People really like to be listened to and to feel as though their input is valued.

Who did you take over from and why did they leave?

If you’re not good at following up then get good at it.

Do you know the people who recently quit did so? Have you spoken to them?

I would build relationships with individuals first. That works better than trying to get a team bond because you won’t know people well enough otherwise.

You could give them feedback forms and get them to do you an upward appraisal but you might have to be brave to look at the replies.

You could ask what they think you do well, what you do that they don't like etc.

Did the leavers have exit interviews, what were their reasons for going?

How long have you managed the team? When I got my first management role I thought ling and hard about all the managers I'd had and what I liked and what I didn't. Then picked the good and tried to avoid the bad. Dalatron's suggestions are good ones.

How long have you been managing them? The two leavers may not be anything to do with you, the rot may have already set in prior to you taking over, or they may just have decided to move on. It happens. I think talking to them individually is a good thing though. As long as you are prepared to listen!

OP you were in a non management role and then got put in a senior management role?

I was in a team of 6 who got saddled with a new manager who had never managed anyone before. It was a nightmare because she literally didnt even know what she didn't know.

How has this happened btw? I think Puppy's post has some really good advice but if you are feeling clueless you need to start with a proper understanding of daily necessary actions..and weekly...and monthly....and you need to know what every person you are managing actually has to deal with on a daily basis.

Have you asked them? Your OP is all about you - I'd be asking them what support they need instead. Do you know why the 2 team members left? Is there anything that the previous manager did that you don't do (and do you know why the previous manager moved on?) Have you had any management training? Sorry for all the questions!

You have my sympathy. I took on a management role three years ago with no training and little experience. The first year was awful, stressful and I actually went a bit grey!! It’s got steadily better.

Just remember you’re paid to manage, not to do.

Never ever do a task without first considering if you can delegate.

Make people “champions” of things so they have ownership and accountability.

Don’t just concentate on make life “easy” or “nice” for your Team. Better to focus on how you can stretch and challenge them.

Make friends with the HR function and fight for decent salaries.

And good luck!

Second siting down wth them individually for one to ones. I find a Stop Start Continue format effective. The manager and team member each feedback what they want the other to stop doing, start doing and continue doing (what they each feel the other does well).

There's nothing wrong with wanting to make things nice for the team IMO.
It very much depends on the individual team member if they respond well to being stretched and challenged. That could lead to stressed and leaving.

Try the one minute manager series of books. Short and easy to read.
Lots of conversations and objective settings. Lots of feedback.

I took over a team about 4 months ago. Lots of stressful times. Mix of personalities. Not an easy ride. But in their start of year objective setting chats I got some great feedback - they feel stable for the first time. We're not there yet but they know where we're going and know I've got their backs, even if the road is rough sometimes.

Great advice here re speaking to them all one on one to establish how they feel in role and understand the group dynamic.

Good luck

The 2 that left - were they expecting to get the role themselves?

You need to

Ask for support from YOUR managers. If they've provided no training or support and simply said "stop losing staff or else" they're as much a part of the problem as anyone.

When you say you lack charisma are you quiet? Unassertive? There are assertiveness courses inc free online ones.

You also say you're fair but in combination with the rest I wonder if you're a bit of a pushover - which as an employee is frustrating and makes one feel insecure. You need to portray strength even if you're not feeling it yet "fake it till you make it".

Same goes for inconsistency - if you chop and change people don't know where they stand and that makes them feel unable to make decisions too.

Feedback would be good but could be harsh and people will project their own issues. Be prepared for that.

Was the meal awkward because you are expecting to still relate to them like an equal colleague? Because you know you're not now yea? You're now "the boss" they are aware there's certain things they can't say in front of you etc.

It's an adjustment but one you should be getting support for.