Hate my MIL for this comment about DD

[chickennuggetsandicecream]

So when I was about 11 weeks pregnant with my DD the MIL came to stay we got into the discussion of routine tests that they did and I said I'm waiting for the Down's syndrome screening to come back. Her words were "well if it does have a chance of being downs you should abort it" my reply was I'll keep it no matter what !! (Anyway results came back fine and the chances of DS was 1 in 100000) But ever since this comment I can't stand the woman now my DD is here she constantly insists she is dressed in pink and I can't call her by her nick names as she doesn't like it she doesn't even like the way I pronounce her actual name sorry but I named her I know how to say it. When me and my partner stayed with her she would scoop my DD up at every opportunity even if she made a small noise and said oh she was really crying (no she wasn't I was in the room next door) considering my DD had a cold at the time and she just wanted to be left to rest and would cry if disturbed. The woman really annoys me she won't listen to me at all amd constantly tells me how to look after my DD. Am I right to dislike her after what she's said and done

I am a bit confused.

If MIL lives so far away that you have to stay at hers when you see her, how is she "insisting DD constantly wears pink" - how does she even know what she is wearing day to day?

Just limit contact with anyone who annoys you. Let DP see her - you can have a break

I wish there was a 'I hate my mother in law' topic so I could hide it.

MN

It is a bit when ever other thread on MN seems to be moaning about MILs.

I got on really well with mine but she died when my two DC were 1 and 3 years old.

Just out of interest, not trying to be difficult, if you'd have the baby regardless, why bother to have the tests?

Thank you @Moregilmoregirls the exact same reason for me I had the test so I could be prepared and make sure whatever the circumstances I was as fully prepared as I could be ! I don't need people having a go at me about that the test is optional I chose to have it

I think that's been answered in some of the replies on here What. It's not black and white.

I had the tests not knowing how I’d react to high risk results but knowing that my friend who’d had a surprise baby with Downs had had to learn makaton while caring for a newborn. Forewarned is forearmed.

@TestingTestingWonTooFree I completely agree !! These were my reasons I wanted to be prepared but also I know they test for another condition similar to downs but that condition has a very if no survival rate after birth I can't remember what it's called but I'd want to be prepared for all of this and be able to make informed choices

I think you should get over it. It was a flippant comment.

A different opinion on whether to abort for downs has no bearing on how she feels about your daughter now.

She's was to say it like that but many women wouldn't choose to continue on with pregnancy if the baby had Down's syndrome, I would also be one of those women. I think it's harsh to dislike her over that badly worded comment but it sounds like you have more validated reasons to not like her as she has no boundaries and doesn't respect you as a mother. What's your DH doing to defend you in these situations?

@HappyLollipop he will stick up for me but sometimes he avoids commenting as he wants to avoid confrontation and this is understandable. But I don't feel respected by her as a mother always feel I'm doing something wrong I have a big family I'm the oldest I'm used to looking after young children and heave learnt lots of tricks but she won't do anything I suggest even when she's holding DD and she's unsettled I'll say to gently sway as that really calms her and she won't do it and my DD just ends up screaming

Look, when you have your first baby, nearly everything your MIL says/does/thinks/comments on will annoy you. I don’t know why this happens, and I don’t know why you’d even waste your energy worrying about it.

You can respond with a big cheerful “silly grandma!” if it would make you feel better, but really, passing comments happen to everyone in life, try being more robust about letting them slide past without letting them irritate you otherwise you’ll end up filled with angst and ragey thoughts. Babies pick up on those, but they don’t give a korma coloured shite about grandmas comments.

Go and enjoy your lovely baby girl and don’t sweat the small stuff.

I think you just need to practise some assertiveness techniques. Eg.

Next time mil tries to pick baby up when she's sleeping, raise your voice just a little and say something like, "No, mil, can you leave her be? I need her to sleep at the moment." But then, when she's awake, offer her to mil to cuddle.

When mil calls her by the wrong name, just smile and say, "No actually, it is xxx" - just like you would tell a friend.

I know it's not always easy but worth a go.

How can she insist your baby wears pink?

Why don't you stand up to her?

It’s not as if MIL was saying you should have aborted DD though is it? She talked about terminating a pregnancy if Downs was present which tbh the vast majority of people would do. 94% of pregnancies where Downs is detected are terminated, so to suggest that people want to be aware may be what they are saying, but the fact is that the majority would choose not to continue a pregnancy if the tests came back positive for Downs.

And lots of people talk about terminating pregnancies for all manner of reasons, if a pregnancy is unplanned for instance, or if one party isn’t sure, if they then go on to continue the pregnancy it doesn’t have any bearing on a comment which was made at the very beginning.