Trigger Warning - sexual violence

[TheUglyFive]

I don't even know where to start on this, and I don't know which bits I am being unreasonable about. I am not suicidal

My life is falling apart due to sexual violence, I can literally see it happening ahead of me like some multiple car pile up but I can't seem to put the breaks on. My finances are a mess, I am not eating properly, I can't sleep, I think I am about to lose my job, I have lost all my friends, I am homeless by Shelter's definitions, I am in a hole so deep that I can't actually figure out how to get out of it. I can quite easily find my way to the bottom of a bottle.

I have been in therapy for two years now with a diagnosis of complex trauma and a co-existing dissociative disorder. We are still doing phase 1 work. I am suffering from some medically unexplained symptoms and many health care workers are treating me like shit. I literally do not know when to seek help or when not to seek help, and recently almost died because I should have sought help and didn't.

The other night it was after midnight and I wanted -more- alcohol, so I went to a shop. Obviously, illegally brought alcohol but the man was insisting I kiss him for it to "prove I wasn't an undercover police officer".

I can't register with a new GP and my old GP is about to delist me. I don't have photographic ID and I don't have a stable address.

I have flash backs and body memories every time I lie down, I am seeing the men who raped me everywhere and I am constantly on edge. I am also missing huge chunks of time due to dissociation.

I need more support to function properly then I am getting but because I am not suicidal and self harming I am not getting it, in fact they are currently removing support (i.e. GP registration).

Where the hell to start to untangle the mess that I have found myself in please? I am so out of touch with myself I am not even sure where to start.

Thank you pengggwn I am not sure about social services, I have spent a few years trying to get out of them after a safeguarding referral (domestic violence).

I just feel people are writing things on my notes and it's going to really affect me in the future - for instance the domestic violence thing is on my notes even though it was agreed it was accidental. Five years later I am still regularly questioned about it.

However, if social services (I am unsure what they actually do to be honest) are the best way forwards and it is not going to massively impact me in the future then I would be happy to contact them.

Thank you very much for responding, I've found the social service contact and will call them tomorrow. I don't think they can give me help with housing, but they may be able to give me advice.

Hi, didn't want to read and run.

Agree with @pengggwn contact social services. Make an urgent referral requesting an assessment of your needs under the care act 2014. Highlight what you have here- a good social worker (if allocated) will signpost you to relevant support. You need to highlight your risk of homelessness and the impact this would have on your mental health. Sometimes councils have in house 'housing support' ask about this- you want help into social housing but also in terms of budgeting bills tenancy management etc

I know you said you're having therapy- is this under the mental health team? Ask them to support with your gp but also mention issues with gp to council when you ring.

Sorry I can't be of more help. Wishing you all the best

Why was the alcohol that you bought illegal? Are you under 18?

Social services, ask them as first port of call. It's hard to say just from what you've posted but you would certainly hit my radar as a vulnerable adult by way of your health issues, including the flashbacks and mental health angle. DEpending on which area you're in there are also domestic violence charities and key workers who can support you, Google may be your friend on that. Speak to the council re your housing situation as a matter of urgency and contact your GP - depending on why they are threatening to de-register you, there may be a compromise to you being able to stay under set agreements- it's unusual for a GP to deregister or refuse registration so I suspect there may be some issue undisclosed, be that your perception or theirs and good luck OP, don't worry about what is on your records right now it's not a case of being there to haunt you or judge you, it's there to make sure that the people providing your care are able to do so in the safest and most appropriate manner x

Im sorry you're having such an awful time.

Are you involved with your community mental health team? There are organisations that provide housing and support for people experiencing difficult times such as you are describing. Have you registered with the local authority as homeless? They may be able to direct you to support agencies (charities and non-statutory organisations) who could advocate FOR you with social services and other services to help you get back on track.

Thank you very much for all the helpful suggestions.

To answer some of the questions:

• The GP is delisting me because I no longer live in the right postcode area.
• The alcohol was illegal as it was after midnight he said.
• The therapy isn't under a mental health team, it's in a specialist service so I don't have access to the same support that a mental health team would offer (so no crisis team, or support worker etc.).

At the moment I am having to move beds, or rooms, or hostels every two or three days because I can't book in advance because I am at risk of losing my job. I am trying to save up for a deposit for a room, but again, it's impossible when I keep making poor choices left, right and centre.