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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to call in sick tomorrow

29 replies

cpjoli · 16/01/2018 17:41

My dh is going in for non emergency but necessary to health surgery tomorrow. Work said I couldn't have the day off for when it was scheduled last time ( had to cancel due to illness ) so I haven't told them this time as I've arranged for someone else to take him but I'm enormously stressed over not being with him. It's a general anaesthetic. Wwyd?

OP posts:
helenoftroyville · 16/01/2018 17:43

Why didn't you put in a day annual leave?

Nicknacky · 16/01/2018 17:44

No way would I phone in sick for this.

Topseyt · 16/01/2018 17:44

Personally, I would have hoped for compassionate or family leave (my DH's employer offers this for a limited number of hours or days each year if required).

Failing that, I would have taken a day of annual leave.

Calic0 · 16/01/2018 17:44

I’d ask my manager for leave and if that got turned down for business reasons I would go in to work, having warned her that I was likely to be distracted and would need my phone with and switched on at all times.

I don’t believe in taking sick leave unless I’m sick. Sorry, I just don’t.

That said, you have my sympathy and I hope you husband is OK.

PurpleDaisies · 16/01/2018 17:44

Why wouldn’t they authorise annual leave last time?

DeStijl · 16/01/2018 17:45

No I wouldn't phone in sick. He's got someone with him, it's not like he's alone if you can't go.

ShatnersBassoon · 16/01/2018 17:45

Why aren't you allowed to book a day off? What does your contract say about what's an acceptable notice period for a request for a day's annual leave?

Lifeisabeach09 · 16/01/2018 17:45

Call in sick.

Original poster
cpjoli · 16/01/2018 17:46

I don't have annual leave in my profession and his surgery can't be scheduled during school holidays just so I can go.

OP posts:
ShatnersBassoon · 16/01/2018 17:47

Ah, I see. You can't and don't really need to be there with him. Ask the person taking him to keep you updated and to ring the school office if there's anything urgent.

PurpleDaisies · 16/01/2018 17:47

Are you in education? Even in industries without annual leave, you can still ask for a day off unpaid in a situation like this.

Why did they say no last time?

kaytee87 · 16/01/2018 17:49

No I wouldn't call in sick, it's not like you will be able to be with him until quite a while after surgery and most wards will have visiting hours anyway.

I had surgery at the end of November first thing in the morning and didn't see my dh until that evening for a brief 60 minute visit.

Has your dh got underlying health issues that make you more nervous about the GA? I'm sure they wouldn't carry out a non emergency surgery unless they expected it to be safe for the person.

ChelleDawg2020 · 16/01/2018 17:49

You can't use sick leave for anything other than when you are sick. It's shit and unhelpful for you, because you may very well worry yourself into becoming sick, but don't abuse the system.

I can understand why you are tempted, but potentially you could be disciplined or lose your job if you are caught, and it could certainly be called fraud. You have to weigh up the risk for yourself.

Trashboat · 16/01/2018 17:50

As long as someone is with him, surely he'll be okay. I've had a general before and my mum came with me and made sure I was okay til my husband got in from work.

TheFallenMadonna · 16/01/2018 17:51

I went to work when my DH had a knee operation, and my Head let me leave early to go and pick him up. He would have let me have the day off (and someone recently had the day off when his mum had an operation), but I would have just sat around waiting and fretting.

VladmirsPoutine · 16/01/2018 17:51

If you've explored all other options then by all means do so but I had a colleague that pulled this once or twice. It was suspicious as fuck. It was clear whatever she had been doing didn't involve being sick. It was none of my business but she rightly or wrongly was kept under close scrutiny by management.

Oly5 · 16/01/2018 17:52

Why are you so stressed though.. if he has somebody with him and it’s routine surgery, he will be fine

kaytee87 · 16/01/2018 17:52

Tbh he doesn't need anyone with him. I was admitted through A&E on the Sunday morning, brief visit from dh that night, by myself the whole day of my operation with a brief visit that night, by myself the following day too. It was boring and I was missing my toddler son but I wouldn't have expected dh to take time off work.

wowbutter · 16/01/2018 17:55

Guessing you are a teacher?
Call in sick, you have no other option. People who haven't worked in education have no idea what it's like.

Original poster
cpjoli · 16/01/2018 17:55

Thanks for the replies. I knew I was being a bit irrational but had no-one irl to ask. I'll go in and just ask to leave early.

OP posts:
AppleTrayBake · 16/01/2018 18:02

That's really shitty of them. Make sure you're out the door as soon as the children are gone.

mirime · 16/01/2018 18:03

If you're that anxious you are ill though!

Vanillamanilla1 · 16/01/2018 18:05

No if he had someone with him he doesn't need you there .. I'd just be with him in the evening..

manicinsomniac · 16/01/2018 18:05

Can you speak to a colleague and ask them to cover you so you can go early? It's better to ask for a favour when armed with a solution rather than just presenting them with a problem.

I'd happily cover any colleague for this reason.

Having said that, I also don't really think there's any actual need for you to be there. Granted I've never had a general anaesthetic so don't know how scary or otherwise it is but I'm single - if I need to do something scary I do it on my own. Nothing is different except maybe feeling a bit more relaxed. He'll be fine. It's probably more for your own sake (panicking, stressing) that you want to be there, isn't it?

I can understand school officially saying no for a want rather than a need (my school would yes but it's private and therefore we cover each other as standard) but they might help you out, especially if you organise the cover

PurpleDaisies · 16/01/2018 18:05

Call in sick, you have no other option. People who haven't worked in education have no idea what it's like.

I’m a teacher. All the heads I’ve worked under would have granted unpaid leave in this circumstance.