To not be 'over' my first labour/birth when I'm 19 weeks away from the next?

[Anxiousally]

Had DS 18 months ago and have always looked back on his birth as a positive experience. He got stuck towards the end of my labour and ended in a forceps delivery but at all points I felt very supported and even when there was panic everyone was calm and I felt the midwives and drs and anethnatists etc were amazing I couldn't thank them enough.
However since getting pregnant again I feel panicked about what if it happens again, I have read about all the things that can go wrong with forceps and keep thinking about DS's heart rate dropping and the rush to theatre. I have given myself real anxiety over it all. I had to be on the monitor for most of my labour which ment I was laid on the bed as it kept losin trace so I couldn't move around and all my pain was in my back so I had an epidural which I know probably didn't help DS in his delivery.

What can I do can I talk to anyone on how I can make things better this time, I wish I could skip the next 20 weeks as I feel really scared and upset thinking about my next labour. Is this just normal for 2nd labours as you know what's to come now?

Sorry you're feeling so scared op
My midwife is sending me for a chat with a head midwife to go through my previous birth notes so that I can try and understand a bit more about what happened, chances of it happening again etc. I've not been yet but I'm feeling hopeful it will be reassuring, would you find that helpful? If so, do you think your midwife would refer you?

I'd really like to be able to talk through what happened and wjat I could change with someone but not sure how I would go about it my midwife knows how I feel as I broke down the first time I saw her but I don't see the same midwife each time!

Don't assume there is anything you could have changed!

You can't know what the outcome of decisions, other than the ones you made, might have been. Refusing the epidural might have caused disaster.

In reality there is probably very little to be learned from one birth that is useful for the next - they are all so different.

Separate to that, you absolutely should try to resolve your feelings over your first birth, and the way they are influencing your feelings now. There is no normal, but no I don't think it is hugely common to fear giving birth a second time. I think your previous experience is being 'triggered' by being pregnant again. Hence I do think it would be worth seeking support or counselling to process your first birth experience.

You could talk to your MW or GP about accessing counselling around childbirth.