To be pissed off with men constantly trying to take advantage of me?

[Xombie]

I was sexually abused as a kid. My grandad also tested the waters with me on a couple of occasions and I think the thought of intent was there. My older male cousins messed around with me but I was too young to remember it. That's 3 different people before I'd reached secondary school.

Then in high school a male cousin took advantage of me.

As an adult a married bloke I worked with tried it on with me and tried to pressure me into an affair.

I've had shit relationship after shit relationship because I seem to attract men that think of me as some kind of disposable toy.

Last week another cousin sent me a Facebook message saying he missed me and would like to arrange a get together. I was really chuffed and thought it sweet until he started insinuating that he'd like to engage in more than friendship. What the fun is wrong with people?? And why do they all come after me?

I'm sorry anything happened but "think the intent" , "too young to remember" and your take on insinuations don't strike me as exactly what you suggest they do.

Tried any kind of support group or spoken to professionals?

3 different cousins tried it on with you? Seems really odd.

The thing with the cousins when I was really young my mum told me about years later. They'd taken me to a shed and was messing with me.

My grandad outright asked me if I'd sleep with him and then backtracked when I said no and tried saying he was testing me.

It's odd for those of us with 'normal' families, but if these three cousins were in a family that encouraged highly sexualised behaviour in young people, then it's not odd that they've each tried it on.

Have you heard of the Freedom Programme, OP?

It's not you. You aren't giving off some secret signal that only men can read. There's nothing wrong or unusual or different about you.
It's them. They dont want a relationship, just a shag. And you happen to be there.
Some men act like masturbating is poisonous and will kill them slowly and painfully.

Wow, you are really unlucky.

So that's 4 different cousins not 3?

Yes, one cousin is 9 years older than me. The other is 3 years older than me and the other is 2 years younger.

With the family history I suspect they have had their share of abuse too.

It is common for someone who has been sexually abused to keep attracting abusive people, you should seek counselling OP to help you understand the signals you are giving off that mean you keep having these experiences.

In your case the issue is that you can't remember the initial abuse by the cousins, or how that made you feel or the position you have adopted in how you present to the world

You need to get MNHQ to put 'trigger warning' in the OP please.

I used to attract predatory men OP, it’s horrible and at times seemed relentless. I was shy and lacked confidence so must have come across as easy prey I guess. It’s a relief to be of an age (mid 40s) where I am largely invisible to the male gaze now

I’m sorry you’ve had such horrible experiences

3 different cousins tried it on with you? Seems really odd

Anyone with any knowledge about family sexual abuse wouldn’t think that at all.

In families where sexual abuse is known it tends to be fairly wide reaching and not at all unusual to have several members across several generations engaging in the practise. Mainly down to the normalisation that occurs as part and parcel of grooming.

It's not you. You aren't giving off some secret signal that only men can read. There's nothing wrong or unusual or different about you

It’s highly likely that she is.

Abusive men look for indicators of acceptance and vulnerability towards abuse and/or exploitive behaviour.
Which is exactly why programs like the freedom program are as good as they are. Because they teach you stuff that means you no longer give off these indicators

I've never heard anything like it as its actually 4 not 3 but if sexual abuse is "the norm" within the family then that would be why.