Husband has literally just left... but what are these feelings

[Meetmeonamonday]

Marriage in tatters and DH has just left to stay with a friend for a while. I know we are in a terrible place and we need a break and possible complete separation long term (who knows) however I feel really panicky now he's gone like the talk of a seperation and actually doing it are 2 different things. I thought I wanted this and am sure it's what is needed but why these feelings. Anyone on here who can relate from a similar situation?

Understandable you will go through various emotions - the feelings are similar to that of losing someone, unfortunately it is harder than a loss as the partner is still around. This is what a councillor said to me at the time I was in a similair place to you.

Just remember every day is a different day, give yourself time - take everyday as it comes.

Good that you & dh feel you are able to communicate re the little ones.

Try and get some rest tonight

Well done that’s one day done and one day toward feeling better. You say you won’t always be that organised but you may surprise yourself. I found myself much more organised as I was solely ‘in charge’ and nobody was there to distract me from the way I wanted things done.

A PP said ‘even bad habits are hard to break’ and that is true and great advice. If you can recognise that this is a good thing but it will hurt and you need to go through a bit of pain to heal, just like a physical wound, you may find you can ride it out.
Enjoy an undistirbed sleep and star fish in that bed, hog the pillows and think of all the good to come.

I am going to say this because it so often happens,

HE will beg to come home, promise you the world, sit on the sofa and do all the things he did before that upset you.
DO NOT BELIEVE HIM>

What it really means is your not there to be his mother, he suddenly has to decide on his food, shop for his food, cook his food, and wash up...

That doing his own washing and cleaning isn't part of the deal as you were there for that...

Stay strong.

It has got worse today, unsurprisingly . Have found out big secrets (more)

Ah; found out from him? Or found out from a third party?

It may be helpful to remember you're not the first and won't be the last. You will get through like everyone does. It's always hard doing something for the first time. But you will.

Agree with not thinking to far ahead at the moment. No need to think about horror scenarios.

Take some time before making decisions. You don't have to commit to anything yet.

Just think , he is out of the house.
This really is a big thing, as lots of people end up living together in misery.
I really do think your brave and strong, and your children will respect and love the amazing mummy they have.

Okay key things to remember:
Keep breathing
Keep drinking (water, tea etc. not alcohol, but a bit is okay)
Keep eating or if you can't soup and if it gets really bad liquid meal replacements can help
Try to get some sleep

Otherwise try to separate financial affairs - make sure you have access to enough money for you and DC that he can't just transfer.
If he starts offering generous financials while he's feeling guilty then try to tie him down to this now.
And don't communicate unless really necessary about the DC or the split. And communicate in writing and save if at all possible.

Thank you all. Information was from a 3rd party but confirmed by him this evening . He has a new secret house ready to go. He has been planning this for weeks, furniture too

You poor thing. Tell you friends & family, get some support & look after yourself.

And make sure he does his fair share of parenting - not just the fun bits.

Well if he can afford another house, he must be on a brilliant wage, wonder if he realised that the amount they take off him is just a scooped amount of his wages with not interest in his household expenses.

You can get extra help from the govenment, you just need to ask, and pay the £20 so you can get them to collect from his wages, as they always say make it between us, then forget to pay.

Wow, finding out this must be a slap in the face to you. What a wanker DH sounds.

Stay strong, make notes as you go along of anything that a solicitor may find interesting at a later date

Oh, poor you. Take one day at a time, be kind to yourself. It will get easier with time. In six months or a year, you'll probably be in a very different place emotionally