Meeting ex half way with dc

[Serafina111]

Ex lives an hour away. He comes here to see dc as his place is not suitable (due to the person he lives with being quite volatile, possibly in early stages of dementia). He’s got a new DP and could maybe see dc at her place. He’s asking that I take dc half way to meet him though. Is this reasonable? What do other people do? Thanks!

Has he always been an hour away or has one of you moved since separating? If so who moved?

He’s always been an hour away

If it's his contact time, it's up to him to facilitate the contact, it's not your responsibility.

That’s what I feel too, as I do all the driving/caring the rest of the time. But he says as it’s for the good of the dc to see him, then I have equal responsibility for that happening

Well he's bound to say that, emotional blackmail eh?

It sounds as though you've already bent over backwards letting him into your home to see them.

Does he share drops off and pick up for School and clubs?

Thought not.. no chance

How often is contact?

No, he doesn’t! Contact is once per week on a Sunday

I’m on a very tight budget and can’t really afford any extra petrol costs

Nah, once a week he can suck it up. He's not doing anything else for them rest of the time.

.. Although thinking about it, is he doing 4 hours driving every Sunday? That is a pain. Couldn't he just take them out near you sometimes and then if you were willing maybe do one trip once a month to help?

Well it’s an hour here and an hour back so two hours. I could maybe say I’ll do it every other week?

Oh yeah I see what you’re saying! An hour here, an hour back then the same again so 4 hours... it is a lot

Surprised at these responses as my ex use to expect me to bring the kids to his half way which involved a train journey (as I don't drive) I actually believed him when he said I was really out of order for not agreeing! But it's quite difficult getting 3 kids onto the train on your own.

Tbh I think that’s too long in the car for 18 month old dc. They don’t tolerate even an hour with me in the car at the best of times. Hate to think of them distressed and crying on their own in their car seat for such a long time

Yes but it's only an hour each way for the kids. Just your ex driving 4 hours. Agree with PP if you are doing all the grind six days a week with 3 kids I think he should grin and bear it. You driving them half way doesn't decrease their time in the car does it?

Ideally he should come to collect the children, then take them out somewhere locally for the day. He would only have two hours of driving and the children would be in the car only briefly.

Is there a nearby soft play he could take them to?

I think it's his problem and if he wants to see them he should come to them and work around that.

A court won't agree and will probably say you should meet him half way blah blah but like PP say, you do school run every day etc so .....