To find it hard to get excited about engagements....

[user1485342611]

When the couple have been living together for years, have two kids, a joint mortgage and seem to have no short or medium term plan to actually get married.

I mean, fine if they want to buy a ring and describe themselves as engaged. But the announcements on Facebook, the squeaky excitement from their friends, the engagement parties and presents....

AIBU to think it's all a bit OTT?

I'm not thinking about any couple in particular, but engagement announcements just aren't as exciting as they used to be years ago.

Indeed, Clare.

In fact, knowing we weren't booking a wedding, I didn't even say "Yes" to him. I just said, "Meh."

I've never been invited to an engagement party - don't know anyone who has had one!

I find I can't get excited by weddings, let alone engagements. If they couple have been living together for years, have a mortgage or kids, then in my mind, the wedding is a pointless present gathering, attention seeking exercise.

@JonnaSilvie 🤣

And @Quorafun says more about you being miserable than them being present grabbing. I've been to plenty of weddings where the invite says please don't give us anything as we've already got a Home etc.

I'd be very surprised if the gifts at our wedding covered the food bill so it's not present grabbing. It's that we want to share a celebration with the people we love.

My OH's friend said something about how in a long life it's often the big occasions like weddings that stand out and that bind you all together when life gets busy with kids etc. So it's a chance to invite those important to us and say we want you to be a part of our lives now and always.

Fortunately our friends are not miserable sods and have been touched at being invited, made efforts to come and tell us they're honoured to do readings etc.

What are you on about Clare? How is that related to the thread?

Not feeling excited about an engagement between a couple who are already living with all the trappings of married life, and who have no plans to follow up the engagement with a wedding does not mean that you are 'miserable' or disapproving about them getting engaged.

It simply means that you are indifferent to it, and find that you have to 'pretend' to be highly excited and thrilled. Which is the subject of this thread.

Wait, engagement presents are a thing?? We never got any!

I'd go and demand some off my friends now, except I've never given an engagement present either and catching up with the backlog might bankrupt me at this point.

FWIW we've been engaged for so long it's embarrassing to say, and have only recently set a date for this spring. We didn't expect anyone to make a fuss about it and the only person who bought us a card we quite frankly thought was behaving very oddly (although we appreciated the sentiment).

OP I was responding to @Quorafun who said "the wedding is a pointless present gathering, attention seeking exercise."

I met DP at 18, we’ve now been together 4 years. We don’t want to get married until we’re at least 25 because it’d be a bit weird for us as it’s not really what our friends or families do.
Have been together min 7 years and loved together min 3 years when we get engaged... do we not get to celebrate the same way our friends do because if this ?

I know what you mean OP...
That's kind of how I felt but then my Partner and I got engaged the week before last and I've been surprised how excited everyone is!
We've been together 6 years this week! and are buying a house together!
People keep asking me if it was a surprise! - I say "well I was surprised at that exact moment but not in general!".

Dno about "engagement presents" though... my parents sent us flowers and my aunt sent us champagne and that was it! (didn't expect anything!)

Also agree that there's not much point being "engaged" for ages...
We had talked about getting married loads, but the difference now we're actually engaged is that we're actually planning it (like thinking about dates/venues etc)

The last engagement party I went to was about 10 years ago. It was organised by the bride's family. I can't remember the last one I heard about.

I do agree that you aren't really engaged unless you are actively planning to get married. That can include saving up for it.