Learning to drive - late 40s

[OVienna]

So - this is my tale of woe. I really could do with passing my driving test.

I kind of need to think through whether it's worth persisting and preferably, ideally, get some good stories from people who have been through this before.

AIBU to think it just may not ever happen?? Without spending thousands on lessons.

I drove in the country I grew up in for several years before moving away (here and another country). I always thought of myself as a driver but then when I counted up the number of years I was actually driving regularly, it's really not that many. I left home when I was quite young. It's been since 1997 that I did any significant driving - all automatic cars.

The test in my country of origin is not for life plus I have absolutely no basis to claim residency there, certainly not in the state my family now lives. So, driving on that until I get one here isn't a goer.

I have failed my test three times here and then gave up. The third time, I had a break down. "Would I have passed?" "No."

I passed the first time (in my country of origin). I know I CAN drive but not to the standard - clearly - required here. The first time I failed miserably, the guy was confident I was going to pass - came out with as many faults as you could have, plus one failed maneuver.

That was actually a kind instructor. I have found other instructors really dismissive and patronising. One guy said to me (very early on) apopos of bloody nothing: "I've been driving for longer than you've been alive."

That sort of bullshit. I used to DREAD the lessons.

But I mean - clearly I'm shit as well.

I have always been able to rely on public transport and mini cabs but we are now reaching a stage with the DCs where it's harder and harder.

So it's passing the test, cost of a run around (cause the thing is DH and I now need to be in different places, that's the reason the car is needed), cost of the insurance etc.

Is it WORTH IT???

Are you learning/ taking your test in an automatic? I'm 36, can't drive, never even had proper lessons, am determined to make this the year I at least have lessons, and I'm seriously considering going for an automatic only license as people tell me it's so much easier. (The cost of running another car would be pretty draining on us though so even if I pass a test one day I'm not likely to stop being a bus wanker.)

I am TOTALLY embarrassed to say yes I am.

At one point, I did try manual lessons. I have driven one before in my teens (the US license allows you to drive both...those are our standards...) but I thought it might help if it felt like I was learning something new. But it was just mentally exhausting. So, I have to go back to automatic.

My husband passed at 40 after a few weeks of lessons. It is possible.

I know this is crazy but I am wondering if it's my accent...tell me IABU about this...I know Yanks do pass their tests here. But the people I know who have drove for much longer than I ever did (moved here later.)

Hmmmm, I hope people are not treating you harshly based on your accent, that would be crap.

If at least one instructor was confident you would pass, that suggests you can drive well, but are not demonstrating that at test time. I have a friend who who 6 goes to pass her test. By the time she took the last one her instructor was actually laughing, as he said he had nothing left to teach her, she was a great driver, all she needed to learn was how to pass the test. She says she passed because by then she didn't actually care much any more, she didn't have the whole "must pass this" anxiety, and it made her much calmer.

*who took, not who who

I really think you need to shop around for the right instructor. A friend of mine had at least 50 lessons and kept failing her test. She was hopeless! But she managed to find an instructor who had a great track record and she finally passed. I didn't start driving at all til my 40s and I hated it but it's so bliming handy being able to get about myself. My mum didn't learn til her 60s so it's never too late. Whatever you do don't give up.

deadringer that is the story I needed to hear.

OP, I was in the same situation, but late early 30s. I got my licence in the States when I was 20 (came from another country) and passed first time as everyone more or less does in the State I lived in. I drove for about 4 years, although in my case, I ended up with a non automatic the last 6 months so was used to it.

I came to the UK assuming I would only need a couple of lessons to be ready to take the test here, so was dismayed (and frankly offended) when I was told (20 years ago!) that I would need 20 hours lessons or more. I couldn't afford it and didn't really needed it so forgot about it until after my first child was born, moved and really needed to drive. I accepted that I would have to start from scratched and told myself it was about learning to take the test, not to drive. I had about 5 months of driving lessons (might have been longer), and had never been so scared to take the test, but I did pass 1st time somehow.

I agree about making sure you find the right instructor. My first one treated me like a 17yo, and at one point even yelled at me like a complete lunatic asking me what I was doing when I turned to my place of work because he had forgotten I had asked if it was ok to finish my lesson there at the start. At that point, I knew it wouldn't work out. The second instructor was lovely and treated me like the adult I was.

Definitely don't give up!

My DM passed her test first time in her late 40s and my Dad was in his 50s and passed 2nd time. He never really took to it, but my DM still drives a lot at 80. I agree you need the right person to teach you. Good luck.

Have you analysed what you might be doing wrong, and made a specific effort to catch up in those areas? Also, I'm not surprised you find it harder this time - driving on the left side of the road is much more difficult! One should think it was no big difference, but there is! Everything is laterally reversed to what one is used to. That can be harder than one would first think.

I can't give you the reassuring feel-good story yet I'm afraid as I'm in the same boat! Put off learning for years as I lived in big cities where I didn't really need it, and was terrified of the idea. Then jobs and house prices found me living in the suburbs aged 31 and pregnant with my second child, so I did an intensive course. Four years on I've spent more than I dare to calculate on lessons and failed attempts at the test; have moved even more rurally and am driven mad by my inadequacy every day. I hate how much it limits my life, but despite the fact that I've overcome my total lack of instinct for it and have got to the point where instructors, my parents, and even DH all acknowledge that I can do it, I can't pass the bloody test. I seem to be going for the world record... So anyway, you have my sympathy!

I'm inclined to agree you need the right instructor.
It is such a benefit to be able to drive. I do know quite a few people who learned in their 40s and 50s and were so thankful they had done on so many occasions (for example when their dh was taken into hospital 30 miles away).

Oh Minty! I have been in this country long enough to remember the lady on that television show who couldn't pass her test (plus now old enough not to remember her name off the tip of my tongue.)

I have to resist the written as well, it's been that long. Plus - there is a new hazards test DH took.

Swing I also assumed I would pass easily and quickly. So much so I bought a car from a colleague before actually passing my test! I honestly never thought it would be this much aggro. I am trying to remember how many actual lessons I had prior to that first go. It felt like plenty.

Well best of luck

Thank you!